Debt Collector
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Change of Fate"Unpaid loans can be deadly.
11 total reviews
Comment from Sixty70
Strong start to this novel. Right away, the reader learns that Jeff borrowed money eight years ago. The original amount of $30k has exploded to almost $100k, assumedly due to interest. Jeff's choices are to pay up right away or to do jobs for Mr. Bambini, the person he borrowed money from. Otherwise, his family is at risk.
A couple of questions about this, though. Why did Mr. Bambini wait eight years? That seems like a long time. Jeff says he repaid the original loan, so this must be coming out of the blue. I'm not sure that's the way things work, even in the usury business. Just saying.
On the grammar side of things, your verb tenses change from present to past and back again. If you mean to write in present tense, you'll want to clear this up. Also, consider reading for punctuation and run-on sentences.
Best to you!
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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Strong start to this novel. Right away, the reader learns that Jeff borrowed money eight years ago. The original amount of $30k has exploded to almost $100k, assumedly due to interest. Jeff's choices are to pay up right away or to do jobs for Mr. Bambini, the person he borrowed money from. Otherwise, his family is at risk.
A couple of questions about this, though. Why did Mr. Bambini wait eight years? That seems like a long time. Jeff says he repaid the original loan, so this must be coming out of the blue. I'm not sure that's the way things work, even in the usury business. Just saying.
On the grammar side of things, your verb tenses change from present to past and back again. If you mean to write in present tense, you'll want to clear this up. Also, consider reading for punctuation and run-on sentences.
Best to you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your review. I will be more careful with tenses in the next chapters.
