Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "haiku (beer bowl)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
24 total reviews
Comment from Lu Saluna
I am not sure about this one, sorry. It just seems wrong on so many levels. Beer for the snails just seems so ...mean. They are just snails. Pick them up and move them somewhere else. Also, a snail is a mollusc, not an amphibian. I don't know if we are doing molluscs.
I am sorry, I just can't wrap my brain around this one
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
  |
I am not sure about this one, sorry. It just seems wrong on so many levels. Beer for the snails just seems so ...mean. They are just snails. Pick them up and move them somewhere else. Also, a snail is a mollusc, not an amphibian. I don't know if we are doing molluscs.
I am sorry, I just can't wrap my brain around this one
Comment Written 26-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
That's okay. Besides, they are enjoying it, I think! *smile*
Comment from Leineco
LOL - dear God, I hope Gloria doesn't go with gastropods! :-(
:-) Invertebrates though. . .that would be cool :-) LOL
Love the picture/haiku match up. . .what with the beer ball
being the "instigator" LOL. . .you made me grin!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
|
LOL - dear God, I hope Gloria doesn't go with gastropods! :-(
:-) Invertebrates though. . .that would be cool :-) LOL
Love the picture/haiku match up. . .what with the beer ball
being the "instigator" LOL. . .you made me grin!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
-
YAY! Thanks!
Comment from krys123
Robyn;
-what a wonderful haiku and so very true that beer is a really good source of collecting snails.
-I love the picture it's absolutely astonishing that you able to find one like this that is so relative to your theme.
-Great to first lines are grammatically and dramatically connected and have an imagery that is expressive and descriptive throughout.
-An excellent satori which is very true to the moment that it gives and summarizes the relativity of the conceptual theme.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
|
Robyn;
-what a wonderful haiku and so very true that beer is a really good source of collecting snails.
-I love the picture it's absolutely astonishing that you able to find one like this that is so relative to your theme.
-Great to first lines are grammatically and dramatically connected and have an imagery that is expressive and descriptive throughout.
-An excellent satori which is very true to the moment that it gives and summarizes the relativity of the conceptual theme.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Alex!
-
You're welcome, Robyn.
Alex
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
beer bowls
for garden snail control:
wobbley slime trails
Ha ha - this is a very different topic, Robyn - clever -
I'm always amazed when I see a snail trail in how far
they get - strange creatures.
Margaret
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
|
beer bowls
for garden snail control:
wobbley slime trails
Ha ha - this is a very different topic, Robyn - clever -
I'm always amazed when I see a snail trail in how far
they get - strange creatures.
Margaret
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Margaret!
Comment from ronnie k
HELLO my favorite poet, I have no idea why the poor snail have to walk a beer trail but if you say its so ITS SO, glad to be home.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
 |
HELLO my favorite poet, I have no idea why the poor snail have to walk a beer trail but if you say its so ITS SO, glad to be home.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
-
WHERE have you been??!! I've missed you! Glad you're home and thank you for such a kind rating!! Hugs-
Comment from closetpoetjester
Haha...not so sure this is the way to control them Robyn! Surely once the other snails get wind of the backyard drinks at your place, they'll be lining the walls LMAO
Cleverly written, cute and fun and I could see those wobbly trails everywhere. Does this REALLY work? And if so, do you know if slater beetles like beer? I have them in my strawberry patch LOL
Cheers P
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
|
Haha...not so sure this is the way to control them Robyn! Surely once the other snails get wind of the backyard drinks at your place, they'll be lining the walls LMAO
Cleverly written, cute and fun and I could see those wobbly trails everywhere. Does this REALLY work? And if so, do you know if slater beetles like beer? I have them in my strawberry patch LOL
Cheers P
Comment Written 25-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
-
My aunt swears this works. The snails drinks the beer until it kills them (sadly.) it's a friendly form of euthanasia. I don't know about the beetles. Good question! Can't hurt to try!
Comment from IndianaIrish
What a fun haiku, Robyn, and a great image of drunken snails stumbling around in circles. Maybe you can teach me something new in haiku, but I was taught the satori needs to be not connected to the other two lines grammatically. There should always be a pause before the aha line (or after if used as the first line). As written, all three lines are read together as one line without a pause. Even with your colon, with "now" on the second line, it connects to the satori. Does Gypsy teach that this doesn't matter with haiku? As only a suggestion, you might try to remove the colon, now, and the, leaving slime trails wobble as the haiku aha line. The image is the same without using extra words. Just a suggestion, Robyn. If you do make the haiku have a separate satori, let me know, and I'd love to increase the rating.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
|
What a fun haiku, Robyn, and a great image of drunken snails stumbling around in circles. Maybe you can teach me something new in haiku, but I was taught the satori needs to be not connected to the other two lines grammatically. There should always be a pause before the aha line (or after if used as the first line). As written, all three lines are read together as one line without a pause. Even with your colon, with "now" on the second line, it connects to the satori. Does Gypsy teach that this doesn't matter with haiku? As only a suggestion, you might try to remove the colon, now, and the, leaving slime trails wobble as the haiku aha line. The image is the same without using extra words. Just a suggestion, Robyn. If you do make the haiku have a separate satori, let me know, and I'd love to increase the rating.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Karyn. Yes, this class has been fascinating. It's a complete reversal of everything we have been taught. *smile* So I have to keep what I HAVE learned in mind and keep what gypsy teaches us in mind and come to my own conclusions. But, you're right about that line. I don't know how I didn't see that. Thank you! I'll revise right away!
-
I would imagine the short Japanese poetry forms could be taught in a million different ways, depending on what the teacher likes, has learned, and what they want to stress. Lends to confusion fir sure, but I feel some points in writing haiku should be almost universal. :-)
-
It's been fascinating!
Comment from ciliverde
Oh, this is so wonderful, Robyn!! Even though I thought, at first, that you had taken to drinking beer out of bowls (and why not!)
But you know, I've heard of putting beer in bowls around the garden plants to keep snails away - so now the trails are wobby, ha ha! Really good satori line :))
Carol
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
|
Oh, this is so wonderful, Robyn!! Even though I thought, at first, that you had taken to drinking beer out of bowls (and why not!)
But you know, I've heard of putting beer in bowls around the garden plants to keep snails away - so now the trails are wobby, ha ha! Really good satori line :))
Carol
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Carol!
Comment from Teri7
This is very interesting what you have penned. You used very good wording and I love the colors you chose and picture. We get snails at times but no beer. Is this real? Great job! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
|
This is very interesting what you have penned. You used very good wording and I love the colors you chose and picture. We get snails at times but no beer. Is this real? Great job! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
-
My aunt tells me you can do this to get rid of the snails. I don't know!! Thanks!
Comment from Dawn Munro
LOL! Your sense of humor never fails to amaze me. This is an absolutely adorable haiku - drunk snails - imagine. LOL. I knew the trick of beer set out to attract those little pests, but never thought what it does to them...hahahahaha!
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
|
LOL! Your sense of humor never fails to amaze me. This is an absolutely adorable haiku - drunk snails - imagine. LOL. I knew the trick of beer set out to attract those little pests, but never thought what it does to them...hahahahaha!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
-
Heehee. Thanks!
-
heeheheheee!
