Mr. Spider
A cautionary tale for little spiders10 total reviews
Comment from KirinJ
I enjoy children's poetry, and I think this one is really interesting. Not only is it simple and charming, particularly in the way it personifies the spider, but it also has a subtle "moral" to it that gives it more depth.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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I enjoy children's poetry, and I think this one is really interesting. Not only is it simple and charming, particularly in the way it personifies the spider, but it also has a subtle "moral" to it that gives it more depth.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from papa55mike
That's what you get when you make your home too close to the candle. This is very well written and I love the picture.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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That's what you get when you make your home too close to the candle. This is very well written and I love the picture.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the read
Comment from jusylee72
poor mr Spider. Cute poem . Enjoyed the adventure of the little critter. The silk thread dangling after the death by fire. Very creative. Everyone will like it except the spider.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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poor mr Spider. Cute poem . Enjoyed the adventure of the little critter. The silk thread dangling after the death by fire. Very creative. Everyone will like it except the spider.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the read and the comment.
Comment from Bobbi22
The spider's little danger game had some fatal consequences. For a contest requiring a rhyming poem, I thought this should have more rhyme. However, still a well written children's poem, but probably more suited for an older child.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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The spider's little danger game had some fatal consequences. For a contest requiring a rhyming poem, I thought this should have more rhyme. However, still a well written children's poem, but probably more suited for an older child.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the read.
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. The artwork and background color completed the piece very well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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A well-written contest entry. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. The artwork and background color completed the piece very well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your read.
Comment from Franklin Price
This was the only poem that I felt even came close to a poem for a child. It reminded me a little of the "Spider, Spider on the Wall" or the "Itsy bitsy spider". It was a little morbid but provided a lesson and I could see it being read to a child. All the others were either about children or looking at childhood experiences through an adults eyes. None of which are a "Poem for a child". Yours was the best wok of the bunch.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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This was the only poem that I felt even came close to a poem for a child. It reminded me a little of the "Spider, Spider on the Wall" or the "Itsy bitsy spider". It was a little morbid but provided a lesson and I could see it being read to a child. All the others were either about children or looking at childhood experiences through an adults eyes. None of which are a "Poem for a child". Yours was the best wok of the bunch.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks so much for your kind words. Much appreciated.
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Sorry you didn't win. I guess others didn't see the object of the contest as I did. No matter, yours was still the best; win or not. I would bet a fried spider on it.
Comment from mvbrooks
Interesting entry for a children's poem. While it meets the "creepiness" of Rock-a-bye baby, where a baby falls from a tree--it is very dark. I would not read it to a child before bed.
The rhyme is consistent, the imagery strong. I think it is a poem "out-of-time" and not likely to be included in a modern book of poetry for very young children.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Interesting entry for a children's poem. While it meets the "creepiness" of Rock-a-bye baby, where a baby falls from a tree--it is very dark. I would not read it to a child before bed.
The rhyme is consistent, the imagery strong. I think it is a poem "out-of-time" and not likely to be included in a modern book of poetry for very young children.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the read and the comment. But I disagree with your thought about this not being a children's. One only has to look to the fairy tales of the past. This is a warning for children to stay away from fire.
Comment from BeasPeas
I enjoyed reading this well written poem for children of all ages.
It flows along nicely with the repetition of "Mr. Spider," which unifies. Strikingly presented. Good job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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I enjoyed reading this well written poem for children of all ages.
It flows along nicely with the repetition of "Mr. Spider," which unifies. Strikingly presented. Good job. Marilyn
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the read and the comment.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Poet,
I thought this was a sad and gory poem -so I can assure you most children will LOVE it ! HAHAHAHA!
The only thing is the your meter and syllable counts are all over the place. I really wish you could get to a consistent place in all your lines -- it would really take your poem to the next level. For example:
See the candle burning bright (7 syllables)
upon the window sill (6 syllables)
Mr. Spider high above (7 syllables)
Is searching for a kill (6 syllables)
See how much more fluid that makes the poem read? I would humbly suggest you do that with the other stanzas, if you have the desire. It would probably do better in the contest. (Yes, it's okay to have 7 in one line and 6 in the second line. Just stick with that format in the rest of the lines, please -- OR whatever format you decide on.)
Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Dear Mystery Poet,
I thought this was a sad and gory poem -so I can assure you most children will LOVE it ! HAHAHAHA!
The only thing is the your meter and syllable counts are all over the place. I really wish you could get to a consistent place in all your lines -- it would really take your poem to the next level. For example:
See the candle burning bright (7 syllables)
upon the window sill (6 syllables)
Mr. Spider high above (7 syllables)
Is searching for a kill (6 syllables)
See how much more fluid that makes the poem read? I would humbly suggest you do that with the other stanzas, if you have the desire. It would probably do better in the contest. (Yes, it's okay to have 7 in one line and 6 in the second line. Just stick with that format in the rest of the lines, please -- OR whatever format you decide on.)
Good luck!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thanks so much. Don't know much about meter. I will work on it. Agree totally that the first stanza flows much better as you suggest.
Comment from pome lover
you're right - it is dark, but it's also a good warning to children of the danger of fire.
I have some suggestions to preserve your meter, if you don't mind. If you do mind, just forget them. Second verse, What an aweful shame and last line, "Plays" would keep your rhythm going, and fourth verse, last line, I'd stick with "silken" even though you said it before. Anyway I've read it out loud several times and that's just my opinion. I love "Mr. Spider" and his inquisitiveness but t's like curiosity killed the cat. Good lesson.
pome lover
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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you're right - it is dark, but it's also a good warning to children of the danger of fire.
I have some suggestions to preserve your meter, if you don't mind. If you do mind, just forget them. Second verse, What an aweful shame and last line, "Plays" would keep your rhythm going, and fourth verse, last line, I'd stick with "silken" even though you said it before. Anyway I've read it out loud several times and that's just my opinion. I love "Mr. Spider" and his inquisitiveness but t's like curiosity killed the cat. Good lesson.
pome lover
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
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Thanks, I have inserted your suggestions.
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thank you for thinking my suggestions were worth while!
