Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "haiku suite (goldfish)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
67 total reviews
Comment from Treischel
I found all three Haikus to be delightful observations of that winter church pond. Yes the kigos were there, each third line turned a wonderful "aha" moment. A joy to read. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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I found all three Haikus to be delightful observations of that winter church pond. Yes the kigos were there, each third line turned a wonderful "aha" moment. A joy to read. Well done!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Treischel, for your review. I am glad you found my haiku to be a joy to read. Thanks.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku suite. The maple leaves submerged in the bottom of the pond. The gold fish glint and glitter like little treasures.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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A very well-written haiku suite. The maple leaves submerged in the bottom of the pond. The gold fish glint and glitter like little treasures.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, for your generous review of "a very well-written haiku suite."
Comment from estory
these were some pretty good haikus. I think the third one was the best. The goldfish glint and glitter, like sunken treasures. Treasure gives us the human connection, the value we place on the fish in the cold. In the first stanza we have the maple leaves becoming a pickled image of autumn. we have that transformation, from life to decomposition, to food for the food chain, so I liked that, and the image was pretty strong. in stanza two you have another interesting image of nature feeding on itself, the fish eating the algae, the mosquitos lurking perhaps for us. it is a little sinsister, an interesting image. pretty contemporary in its look and feel and well crafted. some of the best haiku I have seen here estory
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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these were some pretty good haikus. I think the third one was the best. The goldfish glint and glitter, like sunken treasures. Treasure gives us the human connection, the value we place on the fish in the cold. In the first stanza we have the maple leaves becoming a pickled image of autumn. we have that transformation, from life to decomposition, to food for the food chain, so I liked that, and the image was pretty strong. in stanza two you have another interesting image of nature feeding on itself, the fish eating the algae, the mosquitos lurking perhaps for us. it is a little sinsister, an interesting image. pretty contemporary in its look and feel and well crafted. some of the best haiku I have seen here estory
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, estory, for your review. I am glad you found these to be "some of the best haiku I have seen here." Thanks again.
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I wonder if I interpreted the images correctly. they were some pretty good modern sounding haikus. do you read Kyoto magazine? estory
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No, I do not. Tell me about Kyoto Magazine.
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I read a recent issue in Barnes and Noble. you can probably get it online. Poetry Magazine is also very good if you are into contemporary forms. I think you might find it interesting. these are contemporary literary quality haikus. something in your genre. estory
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Thank you again, estory, for your compliments on my contemporary haiku. I will look at submitting them and reading contemporary journals.
Andre
Comment from William Ross
very good, each does stand alone or together work out very well telling the story of a gold fish pond. nicely done. thanks for the share and have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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very good, each does stand alone or together work out very well telling the story of a gold fish pond. nicely done. thanks for the share and have a wonderful day
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, William, for your review. Have a wonderful day, too.
Comment from dmt1967
I like this poem, although it is a bit deep for me. I like the blue background and the way the words are written and the tone of the poem as well. The picture fits the theme nicely as well. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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I like this poem, although it is a bit deep for me. I like the blue background and the way the words are written and the tone of the poem as well. The picture fits the theme nicely as well. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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And thank you for your review. I am glad you like the tone of my haiku.
Comment from Raoul D'Harmental
Hi Sis Cat
Not being au fait with haikus, I can still recognize an excellent one when I read one. This is great and very illustrative indeed of the world beneath the pond surface. Thanks for sharing this! R
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Hi Sis Cat
Not being au fait with haikus, I can still recognize an excellent one when I read one. This is great and very illustrative indeed of the world beneath the pond surface. Thanks for sharing this! R
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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And thank you, Raoul, for your review of my haiku which gave you a glimpse of the world beneath the pond's surface.
Comment from dragonpoet
In this suite you see a lake shaded by a tree in Fall. The tree has lost its leaves and have coated the bottom of the lake to add color to the picture with the goldfish.
Nicely done
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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In this suite you see a lake shaded by a tree in Fall. The tree has lost its leaves and have coated the bottom of the lake to add color to the picture with the goldfish.
Nicely done
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, dragonpoet, for your review. While I used a picture of a fish pond in fall, the action in my haiku took place last Wednesday in winter, thus the withered tree, hungry fish, and the cold drizzle. I will keep writing.
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You're welcome.
By now a small pond here would probably be iced over and so fish would not be seen. Though with the recent thaw it might happen.
dp
Comment from closetpoetjester
I liked your sunken poetic treasures and this was a most interesting and well constructed series of short poems.
I DID enjoy the vividness and vibrancy of your pickled autumn...VERY clever work! Bravo!
Cheers P
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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I liked your sunken poetic treasures and this was a most interesting and well constructed series of short poems.
I DID enjoy the vividness and vibrancy of your pickled autumn...VERY clever work! Bravo!
Cheers P
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, P., I am glad that you found these vivid and vibrant haiku to be "VERY clever work!"
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A well done haiku suite with three strong haiku. I especially like the last one--it describes how the goldfish reflect the sun so very well, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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A well done haiku suite with three strong haiku. I especially like the last one--it describes how the goldfish reflect the sun so very well, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Debbie, for your generous review. I am glad you especially liked the last one.
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi!
Very interesting how you put this together - to be read as a single composition or attended to as three separate Haikus. I write no petry to speak of, so I am not well-informed of it nuances. But I do know i enjoyed this. the use of real objects, rather than creations of the mind, added a since of application in the real world. i enjoyed this. Thanks for the wonderful read! Warmest wishes,
Alan
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Hi!
Very interesting how you put this together - to be read as a single composition or attended to as three separate Haikus. I write no petry to speak of, so I am not well-informed of it nuances. But I do know i enjoyed this. the use of real objects, rather than creations of the mind, added a since of application in the real world. i enjoyed this. Thanks for the wonderful read! Warmest wishes,
Alan
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Alan, you got that right. I use real objects rather than creations of my mind. While others may make up haiku about things they have never seen, I ground my haiku in the real world seen in a fresh way. Last Wednesday in a cold, rainy, and dark church courtyard, I observed the goldfish in the pond, and began the process of conveying my experience to you. Thanks again.
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You are very welcome.
