sweet mozart
an etheree poem6 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Usually, we, as poets are observers and would be able to appreciate such an experiment. It's important to be present in our own lives. Well written and with good content and presentation. Marilyn
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
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Usually, we, as poets are observers and would be able to appreciate such an experiment. It's important to be present in our own lives. Well written and with good content and presentation. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the insightful review. I think I would have stopped for a listen, cheers, j
Comment from Margaret Ford
Dear Mystery Poet,
The words of your etheree are beautiful, the message is wonderful, and the AN is terrific. I do have several suggestions:
1) It might be best to capitalize "Mozart."
2) Perhaps you should write your etherees in complete sentences from now on. Your first sentence is complete; the next two are not. I think this has lessoned the impact that your poem has on the reader.
3) The first sentence of your AN has two small typos: the space following the comma after Joshua Bell's name is missing, and a comma is needed after the phrase that describes him, like this: "Joshua Bell, a famous violinist, did an experiment...". You might want to consider a comma after "subway," also.
I have a degree in music (piano, pipe organ), so I was particularly warmed by your emphasis on lovely musical experiences, and your cleverness in using music almost metaphorically, to stand for the "joy" around us that we miss because it's "hidden in plain sight."
Good luck in the contest -- Margaret
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
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Dear Mystery Poet,
The words of your etheree are beautiful, the message is wonderful, and the AN is terrific. I do have several suggestions:
1) It might be best to capitalize "Mozart."
2) Perhaps you should write your etherees in complete sentences from now on. Your first sentence is complete; the next two are not. I think this has lessoned the impact that your poem has on the reader.
3) The first sentence of your AN has two small typos: the space following the comma after Joshua Bell's name is missing, and a comma is needed after the phrase that describes him, like this: "Joshua Bell, a famous violinist, did an experiment...". You might want to consider a comma after "subway," also.
I have a degree in music (piano, pipe organ), so I was particularly warmed by your emphasis on lovely musical experiences, and your cleverness in using music almost metaphorically, to stand for the "joy" around us that we miss because it's "hidden in plain sight."
Good luck in the contest -- Margaret
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the review and helpful advice. I will adjust. I found it such a shame that people are so rushed and in their phone bubble, that they would not recognize and appreciate obvious talent in their midst. Cheers, j
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You won! I knew you would. Congratulations. I voted for you, so I'm super-delighted. :) Margaret
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Thanks for that and the corrections which I must do. Cheers, judester
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Thanks for that and the corrections which I must do. Cheers, judester
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This is a fine entry for the Etheree contest. I love the shape that an Etheree takes on the printed page. I think you will fare very well in this contest. Your syllable count is spot on, and I love the message conveyed in your poem. We are always rushing around trying to make things better in our lives, whilst we often ignore beautiful and simple things that are already around us ... "hidden in plain sight".
Good luck in the contest, mystery writer!
Connie
Connie
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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This is a fine entry for the Etheree contest. I love the shape that an Etheree takes on the printed page. I think you will fare very well in this contest. Your syllable count is spot on, and I love the message conveyed in your poem. We are always rushing around trying to make things better in our lives, whilst we often ignore beautiful and simple things that are already around us ... "hidden in plain sight".
Good luck in the contest, mystery writer!
Connie
Connie
Comment Written 24-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the encouraging review. There really was a violin maestro that played his 3.5 million dollar violin at the Washington subway and no one stopped to listen,sigh. He usually plays to sold out concerts with tickets costing hundreds of dollars. Cheers, j
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Isn't that a sad thing? ... that people are in such a rush, that they don't stop for a few moments to listen to beautiful music. A sad sign of the times! Thanks for sharing! Have a great day!
Comment from azwildrosa
Comment on this post.
A pictures of people rushing to get to and fro comes to mind while a man/woman plays. This is a great entry for the prompt. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booths.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Comment on this post.
A pictures of people rushing to get to and fro comes to mind while a man/woman plays. This is a great entry for the prompt. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booths.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the review. It is a true story and a sad commentary on us these days. Just stop for a minute when you see these random acts of beauty, put down the phone and just absorb the moment. Whenever you see those flash mobs, you always see everyone recording it instead of interacting and enjoying it with the people also caught up in that moment. sigh, cheers, j
Comment from A.Q. Pancho
Enjoyed the poem, especially after it was explained about the violinist. I probably would like it better if the poem was in the image of a violin. Good poem.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Enjoyed the poem, especially after it was explained about the violinist. I probably would like it better if the poem was in the image of a violin. Good poem.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the review. That is called a shape poem, this one is called an etheree where the syllables increase (or decrease) from 1 to10. I can do a triangle shape if you want an instrument ha ha. I look forward to reading something from you. Cheers, j
Comment from winnona
A well-written contest entry. The words flowed well and combined easily forming the message of the poem for the reader. I think you have completed the challenge of the contest well.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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A well-written contest entry. The words flowed well and combined easily forming the message of the poem for the reader. I think you have completed the challenge of the contest well.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the review, cheers, j
