I'm freezing!
Billy is lost in the woods and is freezing.27 total reviews
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
This is a great read.
Very interesting.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
The dialogue is believable.
The artwork shown supports the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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This is a great read.
Very interesting.
Well-written.
Nicely polished.
The dialogue is believable.
The artwork shown supports the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi, Nikki-Nicole!
Good hearing from you, my dear friend. Thanks for the review and kind words. I shall be posting Chapter 6, "I've found Billy," within a week or so. Hope you enjoy it. Best wishes and God bless.
Bill
Comment from apky
This reminded me of my childhood in Kenya: there was this night I got angry with my mother for some reason and decided to go away to the park bushes in our estate and wait for my father to come home. He was always on my side, and now that I think of it, we girls sort of had a rivalry thing going for Father.
But as it happened, my father didn't come home at his usual time that evening. When darkness fell I still lay there on my belly, peeping out of the flowering bushes for my father's arrival. Nothing doing. I began to dose, but then also began to take in the night sounds... and thinking of snakes... and...
What finally got me back in was the thought of safari ants. Those guys travel by the trillions and if you're on their way...
I got back home fast and waited for my father on the verandah.
Thanks for jolting me brain to my childhood.
Best,
Apky
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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This reminded me of my childhood in Kenya: there was this night I got angry with my mother for some reason and decided to go away to the park bushes in our estate and wait for my father to come home. He was always on my side, and now that I think of it, we girls sort of had a rivalry thing going for Father.
But as it happened, my father didn't come home at his usual time that evening. When darkness fell I still lay there on my belly, peeping out of the flowering bushes for my father's arrival. Nothing doing. I began to dose, but then also began to take in the night sounds... and thinking of snakes... and...
What finally got me back in was the thought of safari ants. Those guys travel by the trillions and if you're on their way...
I got back home fast and waited for my father on the verandah.
Thanks for jolting me brain to my childhood.
Best,
Apky
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi, Apky!
I enjoyed your little story. Thank you for sharing it with me. And thank you for the review and kind words. Best wishes and God bless.
Comment from c_lucas
Sleepiness is one of the first signs of freezing. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Sleepiness is one of the first signs of freezing. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you, my friend!
Your review and kind words are appreciated. Best wishes.
Comment from valmay
A gripping read so well done. I have never experienced such cold, and you made it very real. Just one query, what happened to your toboggan? Wouldn't that have marked the spot?
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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A gripping read so well done. I have never experienced such cold, and you made it very real. Just one query, what happened to your toboggan? Wouldn't that have marked the spot?
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi, Valmay!
Glad you enjoyed. In answer to your one query. I know you are a beautiful woman, because you are from Australia. Therefore, In a hundred words or less, I'm gonna tell you what happened to my toboggan. At age seven, my Grandpa took me to the 100-acre zoo located in the State of Queensland near the Beerwah/Glass House Mountains. Know where it is? Of course, you do. Well, the temperature was high and rising, so I had taken off my toboggan, and put it in the bib-pocket of my union overalls. And if your wondering, those are the blue vertical stripped garnets with the straps that button over your shoulders to hold them up over your tail. Now, I walked over to feed a monkey some peanuts, and it started to rain. Guess what? There was this gorgeous girl, "about my age," who was just crying her heart out. Of course, my already being a little southern gentleman, I walked over and asked, "could I help you, sweetheart?" Well, she replied, "Oh, my goodness! My mother just did my hair, and the rain is gonna mess it up." "Golly-gee, that won't ever do," I replied. Therefore, I pulled my toboggan outta my pocket, put it on her beautiful head to keep her hair from getting wet, and then kissed her on the lips. Oh, my God! She slapped my face, ran away, and took my toboggan with her. Afterwards, when me and Grandpa got back home to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee, I could not afford to buy another toboggan. Therefore, when I almost froze to death in the snow bank, I didn't have one on. I tried hard to keep it under 100-words, beautiful. And if I went over, "it was worth it, because I
got to chat with you." "Blow me a kiss from across the miles, call me at 12 on the dot. A line a day, when we're far away, little
things mean a lot." Oh, yes! I would love to chat with you on email at: billybobcommando@gmail.com. I promise, "to make you blush!"
Respectfully,
Bill
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Even your reply confused me, how can you keep a sled in your pocket, and why would a little Southern gentleman hit a girl over the head with it. I did however manage after hours of research to find an obscure reference to wooly hats. Apparently it's a southern thing, it even confuses
Yankees.
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Even your reply confused me, how can you keep a sled in your pocket, and why would a little Southern gentleman hit a girl over the head with it. I did however manage after hours of research to find an obscure reference to wooly hats. Apparently it's a southern thing, it even confuses
Yankees.
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Even your reply confused me, how can you keep a sled in your pocket, and why would a little Southern gentleman hit a girl over the head with it. I did however manage after hours of research to find an obscure reference to wooly hats. Apparently it's a southern thing, it even confuses
Yankees.
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I'm too old to blush
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God! Did I ever misjudge you, "SMART ASS!" Sounds like you, "were born confused and shall die confused!" Your asinine remarks, "are pathetic and sick!" And it appears to me, "that you are crazy as hell!" You sent three replies saying the
same thing. Sorry, "I was only trying to be nice."
However, you are confused about that too. Stay off my post, "you smart ass!" Now, I can truly say,
"I have met one Australian, that is a "horses ass!"
Respectfully,
A southern thing,
Bill
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Okay, Grandma!
Comment from write hand blue
You have the makings of a riveting story here. A little boy lost in the snow can't have much chance of survival, so I'm interested to see how this works out. Great visual as you read. I must read the previous chapters...
~Mel~
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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You have the makings of a riveting story here. A little boy lost in the snow can't have much chance of survival, so I'm interested to see how this works out. Great visual as you read. I must read the previous chapters...
~Mel~
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hello, my friend!
A "SALUTE!" For the review and kind words. I am posting Chapter 6, "I've found Billy," in around a week. Hope you went and reviewed Chapters 1 through 4. It is an honor meeting you, and may "good health and happiness kiss your face."
Respectfully,
Bill
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I had left the ninth sheep suspended in midair before falling asleep last night.
I really like the image you painted here. I going to bed soon and I'll do everything I can to get him down.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I had left the ninth sheep suspended in midair before falling asleep last night.
I really like the image you painted here. I going to bed soon and I'll do everything I can to get him down.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Greetings, Thomas!
Thank you for the review and kind words. Oh, the "ninth sheep," it'll not listen to you, because, it only minds me. I'll be posting
chapter 6, "I've found Billy," in around a week. Hope you enjoy it. Best wishes.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A well written chapter, my friend. I'm not sure I understand why it is a multi-author book. A film would be wonderful. Best wishes with your plans~Debbie
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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A well written chapter, my friend. I'm not sure I understand why it is a multi-author book. A film would be wonderful. Best wishes with your plans~Debbie
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Hi, Debbie!
Thanks for the review and kind words. You wrote. "I'm not sure I understand why it is a multi-author book." It's not, my friend!
Only I am writing it. And if you wanna read chapters 1,2,3, and 4, go up to the top of the page, click on the "blue 1,2,3, and 4."
How is everything in Nevada Iowa? I read your profile, "ABOUT," and it is commendable. God bless you for the work with
children with disabilities. So you have a "spoiled beagle," huh? If you get lonesome and wanna chat, write me at: billybobcommando@gmail,com, I would love talking with you.
Respectfully,
Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
Jim, you have quite a knack for getting into the head of a 7-year-old boy. Not an easy task.
Here are a few things you might want to consider:
Quickly jumping from bed, [Jim, rather than use the adverb "quickly" it would be much more effective to hype up the verb: "leaping," "scrambling" "launching myself," or some such.]
Why? Because the cows gave up their milk faster to avoid cold hands. [I'm a city-boy, Jim. You ARE pulling Jay's leg, aren't you?]
Walking in ankle deep snow, [Any time you have two or more adjectives modifying the same noun, you need to hyphenate as long as neither adjective alone describes the noun. "Deep" snow, alone doesn't work since it doesn't tell how deep. "Ankle" snow just doesn't make sense. So you need ANKLE-DEEP snow]
By this time the snow had almost [Need a comma after the introductory clause, ending with "time."]
After passing by an old rusted out wood-burning stove [If I may offer a suggestion, Jim, you started two consecutive sentences with After, following with a present participle. Why not something like, "I passed by an old rusted-out wood-burning stove I'd never seen before. It was obvious I was lost."? I'm not trying to rewrite it, but just rearranging your words. At any rate, yours isn't wrong. It's just an observation.]
I heard a wolf howling somewhere in the woods. [Good touch!]
Slowly closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep. [Ain't no reader out in FanStory land who isn't pulling for your little Billy ... and knows full-well that the worst thing he can do is sleep. Oh, and the wolf! What a cliff-hanger you've written here, Jim!
Good luck with your cousin.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Jim, you have quite a knack for getting into the head of a 7-year-old boy. Not an easy task.
Here are a few things you might want to consider:
Quickly jumping from bed, [Jim, rather than use the adverb "quickly" it would be much more effective to hype up the verb: "leaping," "scrambling" "launching myself," or some such.]
Why? Because the cows gave up their milk faster to avoid cold hands. [I'm a city-boy, Jim. You ARE pulling Jay's leg, aren't you?]
Walking in ankle deep snow, [Any time you have two or more adjectives modifying the same noun, you need to hyphenate as long as neither adjective alone describes the noun. "Deep" snow, alone doesn't work since it doesn't tell how deep. "Ankle" snow just doesn't make sense. So you need ANKLE-DEEP snow]
By this time the snow had almost [Need a comma after the introductory clause, ending with "time."]
After passing by an old rusted out wood-burning stove [If I may offer a suggestion, Jim, you started two consecutive sentences with After, following with a present participle. Why not something like, "I passed by an old rusted-out wood-burning stove I'd never seen before. It was obvious I was lost."? I'm not trying to rewrite it, but just rearranging your words. At any rate, yours isn't wrong. It's just an observation.]
I heard a wolf howling somewhere in the woods. [Good touch!]
Slowly closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep. [Ain't no reader out in FanStory land who isn't pulling for your little Billy ... and knows full-well that the worst thing he can do is sleep. Oh, and the wolf! What a cliff-hanger you've written here, Jim!
Good luck with your cousin.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Greetings, Jay!
And I'm not "JIM, but BILL!" Having said that, I would like to thank you for the review, kind words and help here. When an
awesome writer, "such as yourself, talks, I listen my friend." I have edited in your suggestions, and I "SALUTE!" You, for taking the time to help me along. It is so good hearing from you again, Jay. I shall be posting chapter 6, "I've found Billy," in around a week. Wishing you, "good health and happiness always."
Respectfully,
Bill
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Bill! Bill! Yet you told Irish on your profile page she could call you Jim. Hmmmmm. LOL, Enough of the excuses. I'm sorry, Bill.
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Jay! Irish said, "Lovely tribute Mr. Jim, Congratulations." I said, "Greetings Irish. Thank you for the kind words. You may call me Jim if you wish, or whatever. Please, call me when dinner is ready." Bill. That's okay, Jay. We all make mistakes. Why, I remember calling my chemistry teacher (female) beautiful one time. However, after she slapped my face, "I called her ma-am!"
Have a great weekend, my dear friend.
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Ha!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Oh, my! He really is freezing to death. And no one will look for him until the normal time for school to dismiss kids. Scary!
The thought of my freezing to death, started me shaking uncontrollably <-- Remove that comma. It separates the subject from its predicate, a big no-no.
Subject noun = thought
Predicate verb = started
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Oh, my! He really is freezing to death. And no one will look for him until the normal time for school to dismiss kids. Scary!
The thought of my freezing to death, started me shaking uncontrollably <-- Remove that comma. It separates the subject from its predicate, a big no-no.
Subject noun = thought
Predicate verb = started
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Okay, "smarty-pants!" The COMMA is removed. And you bet, "it was a big no-no." I hope Charisma Serendipity, "bites your beautiful nose." And if it hurts, "I'll kiss it, baby!" Hope your blushing. Thanks for the review, kind words and help. Wishing
you, "good health and happiness always."
Bill
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Bad idea, going to sleep. But, we know you lived to tell the tale! LOL. You were very brave to have done that, and what a good idea burying yourself in the snow. I've heard animals do that to survive. Can't wait to read the next part, your seventh year was certainly exciting and a little bit scary. Another wonderful part, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Bad idea, going to sleep. But, we know you lived to tell the tale! LOL. You were very brave to have done that, and what a good idea burying yourself in the snow. I've heard animals do that to survive. Can't wait to read the next part, your seventh year was certainly exciting and a little bit scary. Another wonderful part, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
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Hi, Sandra!
Have I told you, "you have a beautiful smile, and look so elegant in blue?" How is everything in Southampton? Your Profile,
"ABOUT," is commendable and yet, your having said, "my brain is small," makes you a "feisty-pants!" Nothing small about
you, sweetheart, "your a classy lady," and it is an honor knowing you. I am thrilled, that you are taking the time to follow my
story, and offer up your the kind words on your reviews. Once again, may I say, "I invite you to join in as I write." My wish
is to make you laugh and cry, while leaving you in a state of uncertainty of what will happen in the next chapter. I shall be
posting chapter 6, "I've found Billy," within a week or so. Therefore, if I have given you "the bighead" with my remarks, " It'll
go well with your heart. God bless.
Respectfully,
Bill
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Aww, what a lovely compliment! I blushed red to the roots of my hair! Thank you, you are such a nice person. Bless your lovely heart. xxx
