Scripts
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Lessons"Scripts
18 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, here is my best shot...LOL...what goes around...comes around...if you don't like being bullied...don't bully others...Brick wasn't so tough after all...I think your play went over great...very well done sweetie...love Linda xxoo
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HI Michael, here is my best shot...LOL...what goes around...comes around...if you don't like being bullied...don't bully others...Brick wasn't so tough after all...I think your play went over great...very well done sweetie...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
Comment from robyn corum
Michael,
I didn't see a single thing wrong with the formatting, I just didn't get how the gang members gave up so easily on the stranger. Was it their daddy? That was kind of weird - unless this is the preview of a longer work? (hint, hint)
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Michael,
I didn't see a single thing wrong with the formatting, I just didn't get how the gang members gave up so easily on the stranger. Was it their daddy? That was kind of weird - unless this is the preview of a longer work? (hint, hint)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
Comment from Gloria ....
Uh oh, it looks like the bullies are heading for a big can of whoop ass from the stranger. This is gonna be fun, so I hope you tell the rest of the story.
So I am taking it this is a screen play?
Couple of nits:
You have homie spelled homie and homey. I'm not sure which one is correct. LMFAO.
It looks to me like your (you're) robbing these boys. I don't think I like that.
Anyhow great job, Mav. I think you've done a terrific job on your first script. We need to get a little more action in that category, right?
Love it!
Ange
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Uh oh, it looks like the bullies are heading for a big can of whoop ass from the stranger. This is gonna be fun, so I hope you tell the rest of the story.
So I am taking it this is a screen play?
Couple of nits:
You have homie spelled homie and homey. I'm not sure which one is correct. LMFAO.
It looks to me like your (you're) robbing these boys. I don't think I like that.
Anyhow great job, Mav. I think you've done a terrific job on your first script. We need to get a little more action in that category, right?
Love it!
Ange
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
Comment from Jay Squires
That's what I love about your attitude and your writing: you never let "not knowing" how to do something stop you from launching out like you were the inaugurator of that craft.
and he knows it. [Spacing error. Bring up to end of previous line.]
It does him no good. [Same as above. I think it's intentional.]
Brick: Looks like your friends get the picture. Maybe you need it clarified. [Good dialogue.]
Larry: You don't scar me ... [A little subliminal humor?]
Your not getting it, so don't even dream it. [YOU'RE not getting it ...]
and who knows how many of them. [Ends with question mark.]
Ha-ha! You gave it the ol' Mikey twist! You go higher and higher up the food chain until you arrive with the STRANGER. My only problem is the feeling I'm left with (probably owing to the length of your script) is the Stranger isn't on the scene long enough to build any credibility. If he had a voice like a deep-cave rumble or had a history that would raise the gang's collective voice to a five octave shrill, my reader's heartbeat would buy it, but I'm just not convinced, as written, he would scare the gang members into silence.
But I DO like the food chain idea.
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That's what I love about your attitude and your writing: you never let "not knowing" how to do something stop you from launching out like you were the inaugurator of that craft.
and he knows it. [Spacing error. Bring up to end of previous line.]
It does him no good. [Same as above. I think it's intentional.]
Brick: Looks like your friends get the picture. Maybe you need it clarified. [Good dialogue.]
Larry: You don't scar me ... [A little subliminal humor?]
Your not getting it, so don't even dream it. [YOU'RE not getting it ...]
and who knows how many of them. [Ends with question mark.]
Ha-ha! You gave it the ol' Mikey twist! You go higher and higher up the food chain until you arrive with the STRANGER. My only problem is the feeling I'm left with (probably owing to the length of your script) is the Stranger isn't on the scene long enough to build any credibility. If he had a voice like a deep-cave rumble or had a history that would raise the gang's collective voice to a five octave shrill, my reader's heartbeat would buy it, but I'm just not convinced, as written, he would scare the gang members into silence.
But I DO like the food chain idea.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
Comment from frierajac
http://www.fanstory.com/faq.jsp
This is OK so far, although to go on and create an actual one act play, you need a turn of scene and more about the character of the stranger. I like this because it makes me curious about what this stranger is like, to mesmerize the hoods
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http://www.fanstory.com/faq.jsp
This is OK so far, although to go on and create an actual one act play, you need a turn of scene and more about the character of the stranger. I like this because it makes me curious about what this stranger is like, to mesmerize the hoods
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
Comment from sandy montgomery
Interesting. I liked the way you layered the bullying. Rarely do we thinj of our bullies being bullied. My niece who is bipolar is a bully. We are trying to change that. Thank you for sharing your work.
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Interesting. I liked the way you layered the bullying. Rarely do we thinj of our bullies being bullied. My niece who is bipolar is a bully. We are trying to change that. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from LIJ Red
Penrod by Booth Tarkington has an excellent chapter on bullying.
I am no playwright, so just because this looks fine to me...
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Penrod by Booth Tarkington has an excellent chapter on bullying.
I am no playwright, so just because this looks fine to me...
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from damommy
You say you didn't know how, but I think you did well.
Your story just goes to show there's always a bigger, badder guy. It's funny how bullies back down when they're stood up to. They are just cowards at heart. I learned that the hard way and early in life.
-You don't scar[e] me ...
-You['re] not getting it,
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You say you didn't know how, but I think you did well.
Your story just goes to show there's always a bigger, badder guy. It's funny how bullies back down when they're stood up to. They are just cowards at heart. I learned that the hard way and early in life.
-You don't scar[e] me ...
-You['re] not getting it,
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from Dustybones
You've written a fine script. There's a lot going on with Brick's nasty personality. I'm wondering if he'll be any nicer now that he's had a taste of his own ways. I doubt it. Now you'll have to follow this one with another section.
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You've written a fine script. There's a lot going on with Brick's nasty personality. I'm wondering if he'll be any nicer now that he's had a taste of his own ways. I doubt it. Now you'll have to follow this one with another section.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You did well with this one mike, it was easy to follow and visualize on a stage. The bully got bullied himself, it all goes up the line. Good scenario, just a couple of edits.
Larry - You don't scar (scare) me
It looks to me like your (you're) robbing these boys.
cheers,
valda
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You did well with this one mike, it was easy to follow and visualize on a stage. The bully got bullied himself, it all goes up the line. Good scenario, just a couple of edits.
Larry - You don't scar (scare) me
It looks to me like your (you're) robbing these boys.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
