Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter Four part eine"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
36 total reviews
Comment from dweigt
Very good! The dialogue feels natural, and you are doing a good job of painting Drew. I like how he relates to his employees, who are obviously also his friends. This tells us a lot about him.
A couple of minor quibbles:
"His family dabbles in oil." Helen reached for the sausage links. "Shana, would you like some." -- Ends in a question, so you need a question mark here.
All was silent while Helen prepared the table. -- I think this would read better as -- All were silent while Helen prepared the table. -- or maybe -- The room was silent while Helen prepared the table.
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Very good! The dialogue feels natural, and you are doing a good job of painting Drew. I like how he relates to his employees, who are obviously also his friends. This tells us a lot about him.
A couple of minor quibbles:
"His family dabbles in oil." Helen reached for the sausage links. "Shana, would you like some." -- Ends in a question, so you need a question mark here.
All was silent while Helen prepared the table. -- I think this would read better as -- All were silent while Helen prepared the table. -- or maybe -- The room was silent while Helen prepared the table.
Keep writing!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review I made the corrections.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent write with characters that just jump off the page this is a brilliant continuation of your writing which never fails to impress me, this is stunning and I always enjoy reading your characters words and actions that are so realistic. This is wonderful much love meia :)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Excellent write with characters that just jump off the page this is a brilliant continuation of your writing which never fails to impress me, this is stunning and I always enjoy reading your characters words and actions that are so realistic. This is wonderful much love meia :)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Another beautifully penned addition to the story. You continue the progression of the story well and seem to be using this chapter as a temporary lull in the action which is sure to result during or after the museum visit. I had to chuckle over making bacon next time given it is just a different part of the hog LOL. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Another beautifully penned addition to the story. You continue the progression of the story well and seem to be using this chapter as a temporary lull in the action which is sure to result during or after the museum visit. I had to chuckle over making bacon next time given it is just a different part of the hog LOL. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
I am learning more about the Jewish culture by reading your work. No doubt you spend much time in research as I suspect you are Spanish speaking culture. Anyway, you are doing well with this write.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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I am learning more about the Jewish culture by reading your work. No doubt you spend much time in research as I suspect you are Spanish speaking culture. Anyway, you are doing well with this write.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. Yes, I live in a Hispanic world here in Texas, but I am enjoying studying the Jewish traditions. After all, our Christian heritage comes from it.
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I respect you for that. Remember, He came to His own and His own received Him not but as many who did receive Him , He gave the power to become the sons of God. Jesus came to give truth and grace creating a door back into the Father where we came. Many Jewish are understanding this now days. My blessings to you.
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Thank you
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Yours has food, and mine, (it was pointed out) has loads of cups of tea! LOL. I think we put in so much of what we actually do. Another engrossing chapter, Barbara. I do so want one of those German Shepherds. It is going to be interesting what Anderson finds out, if he does, at the museum. Excellent, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Yours has food, and mine, (it was pointed out) has loads of cups of tea! LOL. I think we put in so much of what we actually do. Another engrossing chapter, Barbara. I do so want one of those German Shepherds. It is going to be interesting what Anderson finds out, if he does, at the museum. Excellent, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
It is now 5;22 in the morning here. This is my second story of the morning and I haven't finished my first cup of coffee. I open your story and see that French Toast and now I'm already hungry. Shame on you. LOL. I can not believe I am still here everyday, reviewing. It feels good to be back. I even started a story. We'll see. I find getting up early and reviewing before I do anything else gets me going.
Your story is going so well. I am very much enjoying it. I get to read a whole book. Yeah.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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It is now 5;22 in the morning here. This is my second story of the morning and I haven't finished my first cup of coffee. I open your story and see that French Toast and now I'm already hungry. Shame on you. LOL. I can not believe I am still here everyday, reviewing. It feels good to be back. I even started a story. We'll see. I find getting up early and reviewing before I do anything else gets me going.
Your story is going so well. I am very much enjoying it. I get to read a whole book. Yeah.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I so enjoy you being back.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Nice quiet chapter, and the french toast sounds wonderful here at 3:30 AM.
I wonder why Drew is helping Shana so much. He IS a nice guy, right? Not trying to get the painting for himself... or anything underhanded? What if he's an art thief himself? Hmmm... He's just toooo nice to be real. :)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Nice quiet chapter, and the french toast sounds wonderful here at 3:30 AM.
I wonder why Drew is helping Shana so much. He IS a nice guy, right? Not trying to get the painting for himself... or anything underhanded? What if he's an art thief himself? Hmmm... He's just toooo nice to be real. :)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. Drew is a good guy, too good sometimes.
Comment from Heidi M
Loved this line: "Quit dusting." Anderson smiled. "I know you're in here because you're nosy and want to be part of the planning..."
And this line: "And I do mean everywhere."
(Your) apartment's very
motioned to Anderson, who nodded
I'm enjoying your story.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Loved this line: "Quit dusting." Anderson smiled. "I know you're in here because you're nosy and want to be part of the planning..."
And this line: "And I do mean everywhere."
(Your) apartment's very
motioned to Anderson, who nodded
I'm enjoying your story.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Lu Saluna
It is fun to see a bit of humour amidst the mystery. Poor Shana and the pork, very amusing. This chapter seem a little shorter than your previous ones but nonetheless, it was very well written. No SPAG whatsoever. Anderson is keeping Shana safe, true to his word, however I still wonder where the plot is headed and what direction it will take. I am more than a little curious.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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It is fun to see a bit of humour amidst the mystery. Poor Shana and the pork, very amusing. This chapter seem a little shorter than your previous ones but nonetheless, it was very well written. No SPAG whatsoever. Anderson is keeping Shana safe, true to his word, however I still wonder where the plot is headed and what direction it will take. I am more than a little curious.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Well done absolutely NO SPAGS. I appreciate the insight to Jewish tradition and observance. I always enjoy your doggy inclusion. Can tell horses and dogs are a real favourite.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Well done absolutely NO SPAGS. I appreciate the insight to Jewish tradition and observance. I always enjoy your doggy inclusion. Can tell horses and dogs are a real favourite.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
