Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "senryu (my son)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
25 total reviews
Comment from Grasshopper2
Hi Robyn,
my son just flew
and sprayed the room in flatulence
crop dusting
Syllables 4 8 3 = 15. Lines 3. Words 12.
I am so far behind on reviews I came up with this HANDY-DANDY TEN GUIDELINES FOR REVIEWING HAIKU and blitzing them.
01. How is the overall presentation? EXCELLENT.
02. Do the photo, font, and colors compliment the haiku? YES.
03. What is the syllable count? SEE ABOVE.
Haiku syllable counter http://www.haikupoemsandpoets.com/haiku_syllable_counter.aspx
04. Are the total number of syllables within the limits of seventeen or less? YES.
05. Does the haiku show balance and adhere to the traditional format of short/long/short? YES.
06. Do the first two lines display a clear grammatical connection? YES.
07. Do they reveal detailed imagery in the present tense? YES.
08. Is the haiku a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature? OH, YEAH...PU
09. Are the words good choices with word economy? YES.
10. Is the satori a brief summarization of lines one and two? YES.
If all the above are yes, then this is, in my humble opinion, an exceptionally well-written haiku. Well done.
Michael
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
  |
Hi Robyn,
my son just flew
and sprayed the room in flatulence
crop dusting
Syllables 4 8 3 = 15. Lines 3. Words 12.
I am so far behind on reviews I came up with this HANDY-DANDY TEN GUIDELINES FOR REVIEWING HAIKU and blitzing them.
01. How is the overall presentation? EXCELLENT.
02. Do the photo, font, and colors compliment the haiku? YES.
03. What is the syllable count? SEE ABOVE.
Haiku syllable counter http://www.haikupoemsandpoets.com/haiku_syllable_counter.aspx
04. Are the total number of syllables within the limits of seventeen or less? YES.
05. Does the haiku show balance and adhere to the traditional format of short/long/short? YES.
06. Do the first two lines display a clear grammatical connection? YES.
07. Do they reveal detailed imagery in the present tense? YES.
08. Is the haiku a current observation of a moment in time captured in nature? OH, YEAH...PU
09. Are the words good choices with word economy? YES.
10. Is the satori a brief summarization of lines one and two? YES.
If all the above are yes, then this is, in my humble opinion, an exceptionally well-written haiku. Well done.
Michael
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
-
HUZZAH! Thanks, Michael!
Comment from Treischel
A very cleverly crafted Senryu. An explosive sense of humor. Your lines certainly were provocative and unexpected. The synergy with the picture was excellent. Made me glad I wasn't there.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
|
A very cleverly crafted Senryu. An explosive sense of humor. Your lines certainly were provocative and unexpected. The synergy with the picture was excellent. Made me glad I wasn't there.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
-
Yep, me, too. This actually happened WITH my son and his girlfriend, with HER son. But that was way too complicated so I shortened it. I hope FS readers never meet my son and say, 'hey! are you the guy who...' that would be awkward. heehee
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hahaha.... Dean told me about your senryu and what it means. That is so funny. He said that it is called the same in Ohio.
I really appreciate your sense of humor and how it reflects on yuor poetry. Good job, sweetie pie.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
|
Hahaha.... Dean told me about your senryu and what it means. That is so funny. He said that it is called the same in Ohio.
I really appreciate your sense of humor and how it reflects on yuor poetry. Good job, sweetie pie.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, punkin!
Comment from closetpoetjester
LMAO Sounds like more than just the crop was getting dusted here Robyn! Your son is a typical flatulent driven male who delights in the share. I must admit, the sound thingy gets me...not so much the smell...unless it's my own haha
I have to say, I loved this poetic stench. Cheers P
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
|
LMAO Sounds like more than just the crop was getting dusted here Robyn! Your son is a typical flatulent driven male who delights in the share. I must admit, the sound thingy gets me...not so much the smell...unless it's my own haha
I have to say, I loved this poetic stench. Cheers P
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Phillipa! I really like your time reading, and I'm sorry I can't always return the favor. I don't usually read anything with the 'sex' flag - which cuts out a bunch of your stuff, unfortunately, you mean thing! *smile* (I'm such a prude!) I appreciate you!!
-
LOL
Let your hair down woman.
You might enjoy it haha
I'm kidding. Not offended in the least mate. I quite simply MUST be me and if my sassy muse says POST I just do as I'm told. She's blatantly honest, I'll give her that much. Many appreciate that so I'm sticking with genuine. It's ALL I got.
I totally respect what you wish to read though so will make sure I put appropriate warnings on things.
I sometimes forget...oops LOL
xx
-
I am not offended at all that you are who you are and I actually love it. I think it's cool and what makes the earth so creative and fun! thanks for understanding. Hope I didn't sound judgmental.
-
No not at all! X
Comment from Joan E.
I am glad to see you were inspired by the Haiku Club. Thank you for sharing your humor in this tiny poem and adding a reinforcing picture. Here's to a harmonious and productive new year- Joan
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
|
I am glad to see you were inspired by the Haiku Club. Thank you for sharing your humor in this tiny poem and adding a reinforcing picture. Here's to a harmonious and productive new year- Joan
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Joan!!
Comment from MacMhuirich
Oh dear, if he keeps doing that maybe he should become a hot air balloonist :) What a fun read - you're flying with this one.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
|
Oh dear, if he keeps doing that maybe he should become a hot air balloonist :) What a fun read - you're flying with this one.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
-
Thank you, John! It's great to see you!
Comment from Chrissy710
Ha Ha Robyn,, Funny one and made me smile I could see the pegs coming out for the noses LOL. Mighty big crop duster there . A good left field post. Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
|
Ha Ha Robyn,, Funny one and made me smile I could see the pegs coming out for the noses LOL. Mighty big crop duster there . A good left field post. Cheers Christine
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Christine!
Comment from sandy montgomery
Lol. Family life at its finest. Funny and a clever satori. Sounds like a boy problem. Lol. No my niece has shared in this way too. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
|
Lol. Family life at its finest. Funny and a clever satori. Sounds like a boy problem. Lol. No my niece has shared in this way too. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
-
Thank you!
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hahaha, Robin. Sure can relate to this one, and after the dusting, there's always enless laughter like it was the first time he ever sprayed the room with gas. Love your unique take on the air challenge.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
|
Hahaha, Robin. Sure can relate to this one, and after the dusting, there's always enless laughter like it was the first time he ever sprayed the room with gas. Love your unique take on the air challenge.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
-
Thanks, Karyn. This was the best I could do! Hahahaha!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very clever senryu about flatulance, LOL. I think it might kill the crops rather than aid them in growing. Katie Jo has some pretty stinky farts, but don't tell anyone. It's a secret, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
|
A very clever senryu about flatulance, LOL. I think it might kill the crops rather than aid them in growing. Katie Jo has some pretty stinky farts, but don't tell anyone. It's a secret, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
-
Haha! It's our secret! Thanks !!
