Seconds
Seconds for fame. Seconds to live.29 total reviews
Comment from jusylee72
Very nice story with a wonderful healing message. We always have to keep going when the worst happens. I think your memoir is perfect for the contest. Very well done
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Very nice story with a wonderful healing message. We always have to keep going when the worst happens. I think your memoir is perfect for the contest. Very well done
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your review of my "perfect" story and for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Mabaker
That was very stirring writing. Knowing it was a real event made it more so. We here in Australia saw the News and heard the reporter telling what a tragedy it had been, but she 'got a second chance' she went home to her folks after work and ate a meal with them the dead didn't get that second chance. Sincerely Mabaker.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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That was very stirring writing. Knowing it was a real event made it more so. We here in Australia saw the News and heard the reporter telling what a tragedy it had been, but she 'got a second chance' she went home to her folks after work and ate a meal with them the dead didn't get that second chance. Sincerely Mabaker.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Mabaker, for your generous, six star review of my "stirring writing" on a real event. When tragedies like this happen, I try to maximize the time I share with people because I may never get a second chance. Thanks again.
Comment from emptypage
Wow. I read this straight through and surprised myself. I mean, generally speaking, I get distracted by grammatical or spelling errors and I post them in the review as I read so I don't forget to mention them.
This story was so engaging that either you have zero mistakes or I was too engrossed to notice.
I either case, I am not reading it again. At least not today.
This is wonderful work.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Wow. I read this straight through and surprised myself. I mean, generally speaking, I get distracted by grammatical or spelling errors and I post them in the review as I read so I don't forget to mention them.
This story was so engaging that either you have zero mistakes or I was too engrossed to notice.
I either case, I am not reading it again. At least not today.
This is wonderful work.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Wow, thank you, emptypage, for your generous, six star review. I am glad you found my "wonderful work engaging."
Comment from Kelseyyy
You have successfully conveyed a personal touch through this script. The reoccurring theme of second chances is powerful, causing the reader (or audience) to consider how blessed they are. Additionally, there is an element of humour knowing the main character was on TV for a short amount of time, though he said much more.
However, I feel like you have included slightly too much information describing some of the actions. To further improve, you could work on transitioning between scenes. Good luck with your future writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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You have successfully conveyed a personal touch through this script. The reoccurring theme of second chances is powerful, causing the reader (or audience) to consider how blessed they are. Additionally, there is an element of humour knowing the main character was on TV for a short amount of time, though he said much more.
However, I feel like you have included slightly too much information describing some of the actions. To further improve, you could work on transitioning between scenes. Good luck with your future writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Kelseyyy, for your review and comments. I look forward to performing my story live in front of an audience this Wednesday.
Comment from kriver
Hi,
This is a good story.
It held my interest with the character development. The person in the wheelchair makes me thankful that I can walk and use my hands in a normal manner. I admire her fortitude and courage in working for a living. She might be an excellent subject for one of your stories herself. It would I am sure inspire people in many ways to be thankful for their abilities. It was interesting to read about an event that had just occurred from a different point of view. Sounds like this event really had an impact on you. As a born again Christian death it self does not scare me. But the process of dying does. If it is quick that is OK. The fear is that the process will be painful not actually being dead. Dying by fire is a really tough way to go.
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Hi,
This is a good story.
It held my interest with the character development. The person in the wheelchair makes me thankful that I can walk and use my hands in a normal manner. I admire her fortitude and courage in working for a living. She might be an excellent subject for one of your stories herself. It would I am sure inspire people in many ways to be thankful for their abilities. It was interesting to read about an event that had just occurred from a different point of view. Sounds like this event really had an impact on you. As a born again Christian death it self does not scare me. But the process of dying does. If it is quick that is OK. The fear is that the process will be painful not actually being dead. Dying by fire is a really tough way to go.
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, K River, for your review. Even though the tragedy happened a month ago, it feels like it was yesterday. Yes, Mono, "might be an excellent subject for one of your stories herself." Thanks again.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent write with characters that just jump off the page this is a brilliant continuation of your writing which never fails to impress me, this is stunning and I always enjoy reading your characters words and actions that are so realistic. This is wonderful My judge-like eyebrows rose in surprise' is a brilliant turn of phrase, kind regards meia :)
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Excellent write with characters that just jump off the page this is a brilliant continuation of your writing which never fails to impress me, this is stunning and I always enjoy reading your characters words and actions that are so realistic. This is wonderful My judge-like eyebrows rose in surprise' is a brilliant turn of phrase, kind regards meia :)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your enthusiastic review of my writing. I am glad you found this stunning and impressive.
Comment from Heidi M
This is very moving and should make quite an impact when voiced. We never know if we will get a second chance. I appreciated reading the details about the various memorials.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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This is very moving and should make quite an impact when voiced. We never know if we will get a second chance. I appreciated reading the details about the various memorials.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Heidi, for your review and condolences. I appreciate them. Yes, we never know if we will get a second chance.
Comment from Jay Squires
Your memoir brought tears to my eyes. We'll keep this anonymous to be inkeeping with the contest, but I just want you to know you are the "genuine goods." I hope you have your performance videoed and made available to the public. Please let me know. This was a delight to read.
A few things you might want to consider:
I'm an able bodied storyteller [I'm an ABLE-BODIED storyteller. An interesting rule: when two or more adjectives together modify a noun they must be hyphenated when one of them won't make congruent sense by itself. You can't say "able storyteller." Nor can you say "bodied storyteller." And that's how that rule flaunts its stuff!]
"Mattresses?" I said, and then repeated the news reports, "Are you sure they didn't use wooden pallets?" [This seems a little awkward, unless the news reports asked the question, "Are you sure they didn't use wooden pallets?" I think what you meant was YOU repeated the news reports ... and then you asked her the question about the pallets. If correct, you need a period after "reports" not a comma.]
Mona shook her braided head. [Delightfully put!]
The reporter asked my name and nodded and nodded gravely like a greeter at a mortuary. [I don't think in the written form you want to repeat "and nodded."
I shrugged and explained, "There's more to my interview but they cut the best part." [That had to be awkward.]
The names of the thirty-six dead floated in this concoction like Scrabble tiles submerged in Jell-O. [Some delicious imagery!]
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Your memoir brought tears to my eyes. We'll keep this anonymous to be inkeeping with the contest, but I just want you to know you are the "genuine goods." I hope you have your performance videoed and made available to the public. Please let me know. This was a delight to read.
A few things you might want to consider:
I'm an able bodied storyteller [I'm an ABLE-BODIED storyteller. An interesting rule: when two or more adjectives together modify a noun they must be hyphenated when one of them won't make congruent sense by itself. You can't say "able storyteller." Nor can you say "bodied storyteller." And that's how that rule flaunts its stuff!]
"Mattresses?" I said, and then repeated the news reports, "Are you sure they didn't use wooden pallets?" [This seems a little awkward, unless the news reports asked the question, "Are you sure they didn't use wooden pallets?" I think what you meant was YOU repeated the news reports ... and then you asked her the question about the pallets. If correct, you need a period after "reports" not a comma.]
Mona shook her braided head. [Delightfully put!]
The reporter asked my name and nodded and nodded gravely like a greeter at a mortuary. [I don't think in the written form you want to repeat "and nodded."
I shrugged and explained, "There's more to my interview but they cut the best part." [That had to be awkward.]
The names of the thirty-six dead floated in this concoction like Scrabble tiles submerged in Jell-O. [Some delicious imagery!]
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you, non-anonymous Jay, for your generous, six star review and eagle-eye corrections. I made them.
This has been one of the hardest stories for me to write. I knew people who died in the fire and know of people who knew people who died in the fire. A month has passed and I still grieve. My original story stretched eight pages or thirty minutes long. I cut out the scene where I actually performed my poetry in front of the ruins.
I appreciate your edits and encouragement as I switch to rehearsal mode. Thank you again for your review.
Comment from Alex Biasin
Really good.
A moving and thoughtful tribute to those that perished.
I am sure the audience will enjoy this when you perform it.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Really good.
A moving and thoughtful tribute to those that perished.
I am sure the audience will enjoy this when you perform it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Alex, for your generous, six star review. I am practicing my story now. Thanks for wishing me success.
Comment from heisemg
Since this piece is in a contest your name is not listed but I recognize the style and then the location sealed it. Anyway just what I would expect from you, very well written, no typos and no spags. Just a well written story. One thing did catch my eye and that is when you were talking about 2nd chances. I have actually survived three close calls and I have written often about them. I should have died, and others have in the same circumstances. Why did I get those extra chances and others did not? I continue to ask why, even though there will never be answers. I hope, I have done good, with those extra lives I was given. They only thing we know for sure is our day will come at some point.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Since this piece is in a contest your name is not listed but I recognize the style and then the location sealed it. Anyway just what I would expect from you, very well written, no typos and no spags. Just a well written story. One thing did catch my eye and that is when you were talking about 2nd chances. I have actually survived three close calls and I have written often about them. I should have died, and others have in the same circumstances. Why did I get those extra chances and others did not? I continue to ask why, even though there will never be answers. I hope, I have done good, with those extra lives I was given. They only thing we know for sure is our day will come at some point.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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So much for secret contests. Yes, heisemg, I survived a couple of close calls myself. I do not know why, but, like you, " I hope, I have done good, with those extra lives I was given." Thank you for your review.
