Comment from Luna

Excellent

I really liked this. What it made me think of was a song by Alice in Chains (sorry, can't remember the name offhand), but he pricks his finger on a rose and the blood runs all over the torn photograph.

Loved these pairings. Made for some great imagery.


Jeni

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for the five stars and your positive comments. this was a simple, fun piece to write, but it went through a couple of rewrites to get right. wanted it to be mysterious and hopeful estory

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

Nice, good couplets written in a free verse on things catching the light. Nice job, thanks for the share, and thought.have a wonderful day

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for the five stars and your encouraging comments. estory

Comment from winnona

Excellent

Well- written couplets that flowed well together and combined easily forming the message of the poem for the reader.Each couplet formed an image of something that catches light. Well done.

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for the five stars and your encouraging comments. wanted it to be hopeful and mysterious. I like doing these couplet forms with paired images instead of rhymes. estory

Comment from zanya

Excellent

Yes indeed akin to a series of vignettes from our modern, fast moving world of multi-faceted and never ending activity 'twitter on the internet- decidedly a new format striving to be born !

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for the five stars and your positive comments. I think you caught on to what I like to do in poetry; try new forms and images that relate to our contemporary experience. things we recognize and resonate in our souls estory

Comment from Poetic Candice

Average

This is a very interesting piece. Very unusual concept. It seemed to have ended a bit abrupt. I encourage you to write more and submit more pieces.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for your review and comments. I wanted it to end in mid air, a bit mysteriously, hopefully, without being specific or resolved. much of life is unresolved. much of our perception of it is incomplete estory

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Interesting form of poetic expressionism, Estory.
I liked the brevity--the...directness...of this.
Food for thought; a day in the life...
Well done, very innovative.
Good luck with this.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for the five star review and your encouraging comments. I strive to be innovative, so I am glad you thought this was. I wanted to try couplets with paired images instead of rhymes. incomplete perceptions of communication and hope estory

reply by Dean Kuch on 06-Jan-2017

I would say you certainly succeeded.
Good luck.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Interesting pairings that set the mind thinking. There is a sense both of the beauty of the natural world and the functionality of the electronic world blended here, as it is in life. Reality in juxtaposition to virtual reality.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for the five stars and your comments. I really wanted to create some paired images that offer an incomplete vision of communication and hope, a reaching out that is unresolved. so much of life is unresolved, and our perception of it is incomplete estory

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written couplet poem. I can imagine the images how you put them together to bring a visual image to the reader while reading.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2017

Thanks for your five star review and all your positive comments. I am glad you enjoyed the images; really incomplete perceptions of hope and communication estory