Random Reflections.
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "I Want to Laugh"Poems of Random wandering; an inward look.
7 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
I liked the picture that complements your poem perfectly. You did so well to bring their fate under our attention. I saw a lot on television too. Rhymes all the way and talks about their feelings.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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I liked the picture that complements your poem perfectly. You did so well to bring their fate under our attention. I saw a lot on television too. Rhymes all the way and talks about their feelings.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thanks Robina. Like many others I was troubled by those children's ordeals and universal indifference as if it did not matter what happens to humanity. I was thinking of them and someone asked me to write on 'I want to Laugh' to enter a contest. Words came easily to pen this poem. I am glad and gratified that many from the fanstory.com community got the message. Best regards. Happy New Year.
Comment from Kingsland
The world as a whole just sits back and watches this happen, that's deplorable. The country is ruled by a ruthless dictator. Those people don't have much of a chance to just survive. This is a well-written poetic voice that I enjoyed reading and writing this response for... John
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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The world as a whole just sits back and watches this happen, that's deplorable. The country is ruled by a ruthless dictator. Those people don't have much of a chance to just survive. This is a well-written poetic voice that I enjoyed reading and writing this response for... John
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the comment. Like many others, I was troubled by the scenes on the TV, The children's ordeals and universal indifference, as if it did not matter what happens to humanity made me sad and I expressed my feelings. Best regards..
Comment from Dean Kuch
No one should be denied safe sanctuary simply because of the country they hail from, their religious preferences, nor the color of the skin.
Least of all children.
When we as a civilized nation turn away these refugees coming to our shores in drives, do we not realize that other countries are waiting and watching to see how we handle them?
We were once a great nation which welcomed people of all races and nationalities with open hearts and open minds.
Those immigrants have mingled and merged with American society throughout generations to make America the melting pot of the entire world.
I say the more, the merrier.
Well done, Niyuta.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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No one should be denied safe sanctuary simply because of the country they hail from, their religious preferences, nor the color of the skin.
Least of all children.
When we as a civilized nation turn away these refugees coming to our shores in drives, do we not realize that other countries are waiting and watching to see how we handle them?
We were once a great nation which welcomed people of all races and nationalities with open hearts and open minds.
Those immigrants have mingled and merged with American society throughout generations to make America the melting pot of the entire world.
I say the more, the merrier.
Well done, Niyuta.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much for your generous comment. Indeed mankind is becoming more cruel and insensitive. I watched those children suffering with serious wounds and wondered why those who profess love for Christ, Buddha and Gandhi, turn their backs on these unfortunate people caught in a hellish war. My feelings turned into words easily. Thanks again. Best regards.
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Mt pleasure.
Comment from mvbrooks
Deeply emotional poem. Creatively, it's very effective how you start each verse--except for the final one--with a version of "we laugh" -- and then use a variation of it "we will laugh truly" in the last line.
editing note:
"Our bodies are intact but soul is impaired;
--since "bodies" is plural, "soul" should be plural, unless they share only one soul. Need to add an "s" to "soul" need to change "is" (singular) to are (plural) souls are
"Tyranny and cruelty is not new to humankind."
--when two or more things are connected by "and" -- they become plural. As such, "is" needs to be changed to "are"
"Make us laugh, all of you.- Who can afford to crack a joke.
--the period, followed by a "pausing" dash, and then a capitalized word--each causes a pause. Having these three pauses seems to interrupt the flow and meaning of this line.
Starting "Who can afford to crack a joke" makes this a question and requires a question mark. HOWEVER, I don't think you mean it as a question. To keep it as a comment, consider:
"Make us laugh, all of you who can afford to crack a joke.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Deeply emotional poem. Creatively, it's very effective how you start each verse--except for the final one--with a version of "we laugh" -- and then use a variation of it "we will laugh truly" in the last line.
editing note:
"Our bodies are intact but soul is impaired;
--since "bodies" is plural, "soul" should be plural, unless they share only one soul. Need to add an "s" to "soul" need to change "is" (singular) to are (plural) souls are
"Tyranny and cruelty is not new to humankind."
--when two or more things are connected by "and" -- they become plural. As such, "is" needs to be changed to "are"
"Make us laugh, all of you.- Who can afford to crack a joke.
--the period, followed by a "pausing" dash, and then a capitalized word--each causes a pause. Having these three pauses seems to interrupt the flow and meaning of this line.
Starting "Who can afford to crack a joke" makes this a question and requires a question mark. HOWEVER, I don't think you mean it as a question. To keep it as a comment, consider:
"Make us laugh, all of you who can afford to crack a joke.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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You are correct. Did not edit it before submitting. Some one else pointed those errors and I fixed them in the edited copy. It was negligence on my part. I will incorporate the suggested changes before poem is included in the book. Sentiments often over take the technical aspect of poetry writing. Thanks for your comment.
Comment from winnona
A well-written emotional poem. Your well-chosen words flowed line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. The artwork and background color completed the piece well.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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A well-written emotional poem. Your well-chosen words flowed line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. The artwork and background color completed the piece well.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2017
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Thanks Winnona: I appreciate your encouraging words. I wrote it when I was thinking about cruelty of human race. Best regards.
Comment from wilkswrites
Very impactful piece you have here. It really does pack a punch. I like the way that you speak directly to your subject describing the inner turmoil of the victim. I like how you used the victims voices to speak. You have painted a surreal picture of the aftermath of war. Great job.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Very impactful piece you have here. It really does pack a punch. I like the way that you speak directly to your subject describing the inner turmoil of the victim. I like how you used the victims voices to speak. You have painted a surreal picture of the aftermath of war. Great job.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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I just couldn't hold my feelings and words followed on their own. Too much ugly events seen on the TV. I feel gratified that my feelings are shared by others like you. Thanks for your comment. Best regards and Happy new Year.
Comment from lyenochka
Beautifully said. It is very painful to see how many suffer while political factions fight, destroying families and homes and lives. Humankind is capable of such unimaginable cruelty all through history. Your poem is made more powerful by the contrast with laughter.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Beautifully said. It is very painful to see how many suffer while political factions fight, destroying families and homes and lives. Humankind is capable of such unimaginable cruelty all through history. Your poem is made more powerful by the contrast with laughter.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thanks for your comment. I had to write it because of effect of pains and sufferings we see on the TV and in print. I hope and pray, mankind will wake up and stop this evil destruction. Best regards and a wish for a happy New Year.
