Tiny And I
Just a small walk back in time20 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
It reminds me of my own childhood growing up on a farm. I feel sorry for those who didn't. They missed half of life. An excellent contest entry.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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It reminds me of my own childhood growing up on a farm. I feel sorry for those who didn't. They missed half of life. An excellent contest entry.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Thank you. I had a marvelous childhood on that old farm. Life was safer back then and we wandered around the country all the time.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a lovely memory you've shared with us, and you've described it all with some wonderful imagery. It's always lovely to go back in time and relive those days. I do think our memories are far nicer than children will have today. Life was freer and safer, at least it seemed it to me. Just one little nit. (As fast as ou(r) feet) ...Tiny and I raced home as fast as out feet would carry us... Well done, excellent story, I really enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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That was a lovely memory you've shared with us, and you've described it all with some wonderful imagery. It's always lovely to go back in time and relive those days. I do think our memories are far nicer than children will have today. Life was freer and safer, at least it seemed it to me. Just one little nit. (As fast as ou(r) feet) ...Tiny and I raced home as fast as out feet would carry us... Well done, excellent story, I really enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Thanks, and thanks for the catch, I missed that one. I will edit and correct. Have a Happy New Year.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is an admirable entry. You recount a simple fond memory with sincerity and joy in much the same way one would sit down over a cup of coffee and tell a friend about it. Tiny must have been a wonderful companion. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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This is an admirable entry. You recount a simple fond memory with sincerity and joy in much the same way one would sit down over a cup of coffee and tell a friend about it. Tiny must have been a wonderful companion. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Thank you. I do sit down and tell my husband and friends stories just like this one. Yes, we do have a cup of coffee as I talk. I love to tell tales.
Comment from Mabaker
Try and imagine twelve kids today! The family would have to have three jobs just to feed everyone. Good slice of life though, I too remember the days when our parents didn't have to arm a kid with a mobile phone just to keep us safe. Good times. I believe. Regards Mabaker.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Try and imagine twelve kids today! The family would have to have three jobs just to feed everyone. Good slice of life though, I too remember the days when our parents didn't have to arm a kid with a mobile phone just to keep us safe. Good times. I believe. Regards Mabaker.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Thank you. Mom didn't know where we all were most of the time. I think life was a bit safer back then.
Comment from mermaids
I love dog stories and I are enjoyed reading about you and Tiny. Your story reflects how much we can enjoy spending time with our canine friends. You take the reader to another place and time. Your story flows smoothly and the reader feels like she is there with you.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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I love dog stories and I are enjoyed reading about you and Tiny. Your story reflects how much we can enjoy spending time with our canine friends. You take the reader to another place and time. Your story flows smoothly and the reader feels like she is there with you.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2017
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Thank you, mermaids. I like your name, it is different. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is a well-written memoir, carrying the reader back to your childhood memory of joyful times and being caught in a sudden downpour. There are many wonderful descriptions to enhance what is a simple tale at heart.
This, depicting the impending storm:
The first thing I noticed was the faint white haze of high clouds that had blown in from the west. The air had a feel to it, an expectant stillness. The scent of rain permeated the air; thunder rumbled in the distance,
And this energetic sentence as you approach the climax...
Grasshoppers exploded from the grass under our feet, clicking away as the eerie light made their wings glow.
Occasionally, I see phrases that seem unnecessary to the story and could be pared back, for example the extra detail about the honeybees and the final short sentence of that paragraph.
Or a sentence like this one, where the bracketed words could safely be omitted...
I continued (walking on) into the orchard, heading for (my destination,) the woods...
I did feel a little let down by the ending. No, there is no need to have a 'lesson' in such a memoir, but there is also no need to explain that. Perhaps it would be better to end on your mother's reaction...
Happy new Year!
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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This is a well-written memoir, carrying the reader back to your childhood memory of joyful times and being caught in a sudden downpour. There are many wonderful descriptions to enhance what is a simple tale at heart.
This, depicting the impending storm:
The first thing I noticed was the faint white haze of high clouds that had blown in from the west. The air had a feel to it, an expectant stillness. The scent of rain permeated the air; thunder rumbled in the distance,
And this energetic sentence as you approach the climax...
Grasshoppers exploded from the grass under our feet, clicking away as the eerie light made their wings glow.
Occasionally, I see phrases that seem unnecessary to the story and could be pared back, for example the extra detail about the honeybees and the final short sentence of that paragraph.
Or a sentence like this one, where the bracketed words could safely be omitted...
I continued (walking on) into the orchard, heading for (my destination,) the woods...
I did feel a little let down by the ending. No, there is no need to have a 'lesson' in such a memoir, but there is also no need to explain that. Perhaps it would be better to end on your mother's reaction...
Happy new Year!
Steve
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you. I agree, the ending is a little weak but I have time to work on it, and will. I will take your advice and delete a couple of those words you mentioned. Thanks for the help.
Comment from RodG
What makes a memoir memorable to a reader? The writer's use of descriptive detail. YOU PUT US THERE was on that farm with the 10-year-old and her dog Tiny strolling around brought the woods and then trying to outrace a storm home. Rod
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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What makes a memoir memorable to a reader? The writer's use of descriptive detail. YOU PUT US THERE was on that farm with the 10-year-old and her dog Tiny strolling around brought the woods and then trying to outrace a storm home. Rod
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you. There is nothing I enjoy more than descriptive writing. I think my closing is a little weak but I have time to work on it.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Oh how I loved this!A divine, happy write full of joy, expressive emotion, love, laughter and fun!It is such a refreshing read because there is no 'moral' just a descriptive, happy romp and the reader feels as if they are right there on that journey with you.Tiny sounds adorable and it is an adorable story indeed.well done!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Oh how I loved this!A divine, happy write full of joy, expressive emotion, love, laughter and fun!It is such a refreshing read because there is no 'moral' just a descriptive, happy romp and the reader feels as if they are right there on that journey with you.Tiny sounds adorable and it is an adorable story indeed.well done!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you. I loved that little dog and think of her often. If I can find a picture of her I will change the contest picture.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
You do a really good job of transporting the reader back with you here and engaging the senses in this fine write. Should do well I would have thought.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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hi there,
You do a really good job of transporting the reader back with you here and engaging the senses in this fine write. Should do well I would have thought.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thank you. a good review from you means a lot to me.
Comment from Dan DalMonte
I found this piece anticlimactic. It is moving in its depiction of the young girl and her dog, and how the dog was scared of the rain. The writing is clear. I think the prose starts of tighter than it finishes. The author might be able to focus the sentences more as the piece progresses. But what's missing is a larger point beyond just a random recollection or musing. I think this scene could be situated well in a larger narrative, and in that way it could have more meaning. But, as a stand-alone piece, it lacks justification. Why should a reader care?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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I found this piece anticlimactic. It is moving in its depiction of the young girl and her dog, and how the dog was scared of the rain. The writing is clear. I think the prose starts of tighter than it finishes. The author might be able to focus the sentences more as the piece progresses. But what's missing is a larger point beyond just a random recollection or musing. I think this scene could be situated well in a larger narrative, and in that way it could have more meaning. But, as a stand-alone piece, it lacks justification. Why should a reader care?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2017
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Thanks for your thoughts. It is just a memory of a long ago day. It means a lot to the author. I agree with you on the ending and I have time to work on it before the contest. I think you under rated it because it is well written and descriptive.
