Chapter in Lives of Two Lost Souls
2026. A sly romp, ten years into the future.24 total reviews
Comment from loismddavis
A fantasy poem expressing your wishes very clearly. I find this kind of poem an exercise in futility as no one will care to read it in 20 years and real poetry should be timeless. However you are having fun--the rhythm is uneven and the rhyme scheme not consistent. Continue having fun and many people will enjoy it. PS. this is not sour grapes as I feel Hilary won with the popular vote.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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A fantasy poem expressing your wishes very clearly. I find this kind of poem an exercise in futility as no one will care to read it in 20 years and real poetry should be timeless. However you are having fun--the rhythm is uneven and the rhyme scheme not consistent. Continue having fun and many people will enjoy it. PS. this is not sour grapes as I feel Hilary won with the popular vote.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
I think your comments are unduly harsh, Lois, because the poem is written in Free Verse, with intentionally uneven rhythm and no rhyme scheme at all. You may be surprised to hear that until today, all of the many reviews from people of a variety of political beliefs, were complimentary, but there were plenty of negative comments about both unpopular characters.
Do you truly believe that the work on FS that isn?t ?timeless,? therefore isn?t ?real poetry??
I?m not concerned about whether or not my poems will be relevant in 20 years, and I think most poets aren?t either. Most of my FS posts are intended to amuse, and you?re right about me and the readers having fun with this one.
It is political satire, and Hillary did seem to fare better than Trump in the story, (if life on Mars is preferable to being re-exiled to Earth) so I'm surprised that you?re a Hillary supporter.
I think, perhaps you simply didn?t like my writing, which is fair enough.
No hard feelings, Lois, and may all your poetry be timeless.
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good poetry lasts-and many longer than twenty years as I am sure you have read poetry that has lasted; Shakespeare for instance just to name one. Free verse does not mean you can just write anything with no meter or other elements of good poetry--there are rules here also. You will find if you read a good definition of poetry that pedantry is a no,no and it shoud have some universal relevance.
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Lois, for some reason, you are being unpleasant. Pedantic? I want to continue on a more reasoned level.
I can see you have a basic misunderstanding of free verse - which I use frequently, usually with a great deal of rhyming, but never a fixed rhyme scheme. There are quite a few different definitions of free verse, but the common denominator is that it doesn?t follow a fixed metrical pattern. You likely are confusing free verse with blank verse, which doesn?t allow rhyming.
I?d appreciate it if you?d re-examine the poem, and also your review, and the 4-starrating.
Here?s some documentation for your consideration:
"Free verse is an open form of poetry. It does not use consistent meter patterns, rhyme, or any other musical pattern. It thus tends to follow the rhythm of natural speech.? Wikipedia
Blank Verse - ?unrhymed verse, especially the unrhymed iambic pentameter most frequently used in English dramatic, epic, and reflective verse.?
dictionary.com
"Blank verse is poetry written with regular metrical but unrhymed lines,
Both blank verse and free verse are free from rhyme scheme."
Dictionary.com
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The fact that you have given me a lesson and definition of 2 kinds of poetry which was what I saw in your poetry ie a tendency to preach, is what is meant by pedantry in a poem --it is a no no
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Let's try to think this through, and try to be objective. What I'm about to say is not intended to be critical of you.
For some reason, you are attempting to justify the fact that you mistook the uneven cadence of free verse for bad writing, and because of that, downgraded my poem (which you called "fun," nevertheless). Now, after I documented the fact that your criticism was inappropriate, you call my use of my research "pedantry," persistently trying to make your case that my poem is pedantic. Even so, as writers, we all know that nothing in poetry is a "no-no."
If you re-read it, I think you'll see that the work you're so critical of, actually is a light-hearted romp, hardly preaching," but lampooning both characters. I admit I was harsher on Trump, but that is the satirist's prerogative.
If you do reevaluate it, ask yourself if you honestly believe it deserves a four-star rating.
If not, I trust you will call a truce, and act accordingly.
Comment from harriswilliam
When I read this, I read freedom of speech, and it's democracy at work (I respect that).
You are talented, but you're better than this poem. There is no patients in this poem, there is no tacit in this poem, and it's just plain crude.
I think you could have done much better on this poem.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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When I read this, I read freedom of speech, and it's democracy at work (I respect that).
You are talented, but you're better than this poem. There is no patients in this poem, there is no tacit in this poem, and it's just plain crude.
I think you could have done much better on this poem.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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I'm sorry you didn't like my "crude" poem, Harris. I'm puzzled by what you meant when you wrote, "There is no patients in this poem, there is no tacit in this poem..." One thing is clear, though. we don't share the same opinions, esprcially that I could have done better, because I believe it's among my best.
I do agree with you about free speech, and that's why I don't resent you for disparaging my work. Go in peace!
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I meant to say patience, I make mistakes especially when I'm rushing, sorry for that.
I understand your where you are coming from and I'm sorry if I offended you, but I do believe that you could have wrote your poem better than that.
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No offense taken. But no, I couldn't have written it any better. Can't please everyone. That's why they're motivated to make Jello in so many delicious flavors, and why not everybody likes it, anyway.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I haven't laughed so much in ages, since the announcement actually! I look forward to the next instalment with great anticipation. Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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I haven't laughed so much in ages, since the announcement actually! I look forward to the next instalment with great anticipation. Love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your complimentary comments, Dolly!
"I haven't laughed so much in ages" is the best compliment i could hope for, because most of what i write on FanStory is humorous (or I intend it to be). Please don't take this the wrong way, because I'm sure that you thought your 4-star "good" rating was praiseful. Actually, despite the unfortunate "good" label, 4 stars and fewer generally are posted accompanied by a criticism, or to indicate an opinion that more work on the piece is needed to warrant a 5 or 6-star rating, often as guidance to beginning Writers.. Those who are new to FanStory usually are unfamiliar with the implications of the ratings they award, so it's important that they're understood.
Ratings are important, because they're used to determine the author's rank, which moves up or down according to his or her ratings from reviews. In case, as I suspect, you would like to revise the rating, it's easily done by accessing the entry again, and making any desired comment or rating changes. If you do, you have my sincere appreciation in advance!
Thank you again for your excellent review. It's always rewarding to me to know that my writing connected with someone. :o)
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Thank you again, again, Dolly!
And welcome to FanStory!
Comment from robina1978
Nice art that complements your poem very well. I agree with your opinion mostly. Trump might have won, but I hope not for long. Best wishes for the contest.
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Nice art that complements your poem very well. I agree with your opinion mostly. Trump might have won, but I hope not for long. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
Comment from tfawcus
Hilarious satire, slick and fast moving with plenty of humour. I particularly liked:
"Which at that point in time were distressfully less than infinitesimal.
(That little joke means he was broke.)"
The internal rhymes work so well! I shall look forward to the next episode in this interplanetary saga.
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Hilarious satire, slick and fast moving with plenty of humour. I particularly liked:
"Which at that point in time were distressfully less than infinitesimal.
(That little joke means he was broke.)"
The internal rhymes work so well! I shall look forward to the next episode in this interplanetary saga.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2017
Comment from Dawn Munro
Hahaahaha! "(It wasn't enough he defeated her once for president; Trunp had to be sure she'd be a minor Martian resident.)"
OMG - Aaaaahahahaha - "Martian masses found Trump a pain in their asses, and stuffed his loud yapper with red Martian grasses."
(Where are my sixes when I need them!)
Oh goodness, this contest is just great! It has produced the most witty, fun poems yet!
Best of luck. :)) (My face is hurting from grinning so widely!)
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Hahaahaha! "(It wasn't enough he defeated her once for president; Trunp had to be sure she'd be a minor Martian resident.)"
OMG - Aaaaahahahaha - "Martian masses found Trump a pain in their asses, and stuffed his loud yapper with red Martian grasses."
(Where are my sixes when I need them!)
Oh goodness, this contest is just great! It has produced the most witty, fun poems yet!
Best of luck. :)) (My face is hurting from grinning so widely!)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
Comment from DonandVicki
That poem was quite a ride for the imagination, I try not to mix politics and writing or reviewing but I did enjoy the satire. The picture is the most in-Godly thing I have ever saw.
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That poem was quite a ride for the imagination, I try not to mix politics and writing or reviewing but I did enjoy the satire. The picture is the most in-Godly thing I have ever saw.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Wow! This is a terrific poem. A masterpiece. It must have taken much work to put it down. It did me a lot of good to read about the mess that the Donald got into on Mars. It is a great fantasy. Good for you.
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Wow! This is a terrific poem. A masterpiece. It must have taken much work to put it down. It did me a lot of good to read about the mess that the Donald got into on Mars. It is a great fantasy. Good for you.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2017
Comment from GWinterwin
Crazy and funny little story with quite a twist. Was a lot of mud slinging from both sides. Usually the losers don't riot and complain as long as the Democrats have. I am 72 and am sure happy Trump won, no way can he be worse than what we have had for the last eight years.
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Crazy and funny little story with quite a twist. Was a lot of mud slinging from both sides. Usually the losers don't riot and complain as long as the Democrats have. I am 72 and am sure happy Trump won, no way can he be worse than what we have had for the last eight years.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Great use of rhyme, both end-rhymes and internal ones. Good humor too- not a dull moment in this poem. Best wishes in the contest, my friend. Best wishes to the US with our new leader as well~Debbie
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Great use of rhyme, both end-rhymes and internal ones. Good humor too- not a dull moment in this poem. Best wishes in the contest, my friend. Best wishes to the US with our new leader as well~Debbie
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
