haiku suite--burning warehouse traps
Haiku Club Challenge # 1 fire76 total reviews
Comment from Abby Wilson-hand
I myself had been through the
horor of my house burning down lost everything
someone saved my dogs life. It
s pretty scarry
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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I myself had been through the
horor of my house burning down lost everything
someone saved my dogs life. It
s pretty scarry
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Yes, Abby, these horrors are pretty scary. You should write about it. Bigots set my house on fie once. I use poetry to describe the horror that I smelled, saw, and felt at the ruins. Thank you for your generous, six star review. I am glad someone saved your dog.
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thank you very much hope to see more of your writes
Comment from JoAnn Forsberg
Heart breaking and heart touching at same time in a few words. I am a "Newbie" here and plan to post a Haiku for this fire challenge. It will be my first time writing one. Not sure how to join group or even if I should? But, will do as you stated of writing HAIKU CLUB CHALLENGE on top of post.
So excellent. Blessings, Jo
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Heart breaking and heart touching at same time in a few words. I am a "Newbie" here and plan to post a Haiku for this fire challenge. It will be my first time writing one. Not sure how to join group or even if I should? But, will do as you stated of writing HAIKU CLUB CHALLENGE on top of post.
So excellent. Blessings, Jo
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Jo, for your generous, six star review of my "heart breaking and heart touching" haiku suite. Do write and share haiku. The Haiku Club does have an offsite chatroom and an onsite forum for details. I look forward to seeing your work.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Andre. I cannot imagine visiting the site without crying. Such a sad event in all of our lives-- from coast to coast and around the world for that matter. You constructed these five stanzas so very well, my friend. Bless you and all those you lost in the fire. I am so sorry.
"left near burnt ruins
flaming red poinsettias
Christmas without friend"
How sad.
Try to have Happy Holidays, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Hi, Andre. I cannot imagine visiting the site without crying. Such a sad event in all of our lives-- from coast to coast and around the world for that matter. You constructed these five stanzas so very well, my friend. Bless you and all those you lost in the fire. I am so sorry.
"left near burnt ruins
flaming red poinsettias
Christmas without friend"
How sad.
Try to have Happy Holidays, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Well, Bob, I visited the site and nearly burst into tears when I recited my "Ghost Ship" poem in front of the ruins. The last haiku is particularly poignant at this time of year. Thank you for your generous, six star review, condolences, and blessings.
Comment from tfawcus
A most powerful group of haiku that bring home the horror and the tragedy of this devastating event. Your use of the contrast between hot and cold is particularly effective.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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A most powerful group of haiku that bring home the horror and the tragedy of this devastating event. Your use of the contrast between hot and cold is particularly effective.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Yes, tfawcus, I found this group of haiku effect at capturing "the horror and the tragedy of this devastating event." Thank you for our generous, six star review and for noting the contrast between hot and cold. I appreciate it.
Comment from dragonpoet
It sounds like a very chilling thing to see. You can imagine what it looks and smells like. It is very sad for the families that have to deal with death at this time of year, though the dead may be in Heaven now celebrating Christmas with the birthday boy Himself.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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It sounds like a very chilling thing to see. You can imagine what it looks and smells like. It is very sad for the families that have to deal with death at this time of year, though the dead may be in Heaven now celebrating Christmas with the birthday boy Himself.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Yes, dragonpoet, "chilling." A reporter for KNBC interviewed me in front of the ruins. I described the Ghost Ship as a graveyard and a crematorium. She paused, nodded her head sympathetically, and said, "Chilling." She later used a sound clip of me on that night's news.
Yes, we should be celebrating the birth of Jesus but instead my entire region is in mourning. Thank you for your review.
I will keep writing.
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You're welcome. Jesus is taking care of those lost and they along with him would like all the mourners to enjoy Christmas. I know it is hard.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment from William Ross
Very good on the haiku suite about the ghost ship fire. I still blame the city for not shutting it down for code violations. Good luck on this and have a great day
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Very good on the haiku suite about the ghost ship fire. I still blame the city for not shutting it down for code violations. Good luck on this and have a great day
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Thank you, William, for your review. Yes, many blame Oakland for not shutting it down. There are hundreds of unpermitted performance and residential spaces in the city. Thank you also for wishing me success with this and you have a nice day, too.
Comment from closetpoetjester
A thoughtful and well constructed suite and the first one had the most impact for me. Each part shared a different aspect of this terrible tragedy but resulted in the same emotion at the end. Overwhelming sadness. Excellent write.
Cheers P
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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A thoughtful and well constructed suite and the first one had the most impact for me. Each part shared a different aspect of this terrible tragedy but resulted in the same emotion at the end. Overwhelming sadness. Excellent write.
Cheers P
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Yes, P., each haiku shared a different aspect of this terrible tragedy like a kaleidoscope or a series of snapshots. When I visited the ruins I felt the weight of an overwhelming sadness and noted things I smelled, saw and felt. Thank you for your review.
Comment from RGstar
Good poignancy in description of the events.
Haiku, previously called 'Hokku' was later given the name by a Japanese writer, Masaoka Shiki.
Japanese form, straight line with 17 syllables. Modern English form consists of three lines in reference of balance to the three stages of the Japanese Haiku.
1) its essence - Kiru (the cutting) juxtaposition of two images or ideas with a cutting word between (kireji) usually with some sort of punctuation depicting the separation of ideas and their relation.
2) 5-7-5 syllables (morae)
3)Kigo (seasonal reference)
Traditional Japanese Haiku calls for nature in depicting, but modern Japanese Haiku can sometimes be seen to divert. However, one thing remains both in traditional and modern is the juxtaposed position honored...usually and importantly everyday objects or occurrence's must be observed within.
You have stronger elements of nature in a couple of stanzas here, not easy to see the kireji in a couple of them, but you have done quite a good job.
Haiku,contrary to belief, by many authors here, as easy, with just three lines is a myth.
I recommend many who have an interest in poetry and the different aspects of it, both historical and its form to join 'The HAIKU CLUB CHALLENGE' with Gypsy and Douglas Paul at the helm, for there is more to it than meets the eyes, as you have seen what I have written above.
The course might not only help you to realize the beauty of such a small form, but also help you to read the Haiku in return, thus being able to valuate what you read in review and setting a valid mark for the work.
I have listed over 100 forms of poetry in the 'Forums' under a tag with my name. It is not all about the Sonnet, though beautiful, and meter. Poetry is much more.
I recommend the class here, for there is, as said, more to it than meets the eye.
Knowledge and the different sorts of writing will help you improve.
You did well, Andre...would have liked to see more of the essence of haiku in a couple of them rather than the horrors of that day, but tragic indeed, and I know it will have a lasting impression on you, both by this, and your last post, as well as connecting, personally, to the haunting past and the resolve of the fire.
Good luck in the course, and hope there are more members joining for it will enrich the occasion, both for their self knowledge, and also the knowledge of knowing what to look for when reading, thus making the experience stronger, for both writer and reviewer.
Have a great day. Well done, for not easy writing so many and joining the different Haikus, at the same time heeding the essence of it.
Have a great day, author.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Good poignancy in description of the events.
Haiku, previously called 'Hokku' was later given the name by a Japanese writer, Masaoka Shiki.
Japanese form, straight line with 17 syllables. Modern English form consists of three lines in reference of balance to the three stages of the Japanese Haiku.
1) its essence - Kiru (the cutting) juxtaposition of two images or ideas with a cutting word between (kireji) usually with some sort of punctuation depicting the separation of ideas and their relation.
2) 5-7-5 syllables (morae)
3)Kigo (seasonal reference)
Traditional Japanese Haiku calls for nature in depicting, but modern Japanese Haiku can sometimes be seen to divert. However, one thing remains both in traditional and modern is the juxtaposed position honored...usually and importantly everyday objects or occurrence's must be observed within.
You have stronger elements of nature in a couple of stanzas here, not easy to see the kireji in a couple of them, but you have done quite a good job.
Haiku,contrary to belief, by many authors here, as easy, with just three lines is a myth.
I recommend many who have an interest in poetry and the different aspects of it, both historical and its form to join 'The HAIKU CLUB CHALLENGE' with Gypsy and Douglas Paul at the helm, for there is more to it than meets the eyes, as you have seen what I have written above.
The course might not only help you to realize the beauty of such a small form, but also help you to read the Haiku in return, thus being able to valuate what you read in review and setting a valid mark for the work.
I have listed over 100 forms of poetry in the 'Forums' under a tag with my name. It is not all about the Sonnet, though beautiful, and meter. Poetry is much more.
I recommend the class here, for there is, as said, more to it than meets the eye.
Knowledge and the different sorts of writing will help you improve.
You did well, Andre...would have liked to see more of the essence of haiku in a couple of them rather than the horrors of that day, but tragic indeed, and I know it will have a lasting impression on you, both by this, and your last post, as well as connecting, personally, to the haunting past and the resolve of the fire.
Good luck in the course, and hope there are more members joining for it will enrich the occasion, both for their self knowledge, and also the knowledge of knowing what to look for when reading, thus making the experience stronger, for both writer and reviewer.
Have a great day. Well done, for not easy writing so many and joining the different Haikus, at the same time heeding the essence of it.
Have a great day, author.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Thank you, RGstar, for your generous, informative review. I have written haiku since I was ten but never took a course. A haiku class could help me not only to improve my writing, but by reading, and appreciation. Haiku is a deceptive form because there is more than what meets the eye. Thank you for your review and encouragement.
Comment from rama devi
Such a sad tragedy, and your poem captures it well. The first one's satori is extremely effective. Fine alliteration of B as well. The second one provides potent poetic contrast, plus superb alliteration of S and C. The third one follows up well with a creative satori line and a fine medley fo S sounds woven in.
This one is dramatic and effective:
glimpsed through blasted door
charred Shiva carving rules wreck
destroy and create
Awesome!
I like how this one shifts the lens from the event to the aftermath effect on people...and fine medley of L sounds and S as well:
sputtering candles
crowd sidewalk memorial
lives extinguished, lost
Great metaphorical closing note:
left near burnt ruins
flaming red poinsettias
Christmas without friend
These all work alone and together in a group synergy as well with a super effective composition style. Main reason for six, plus the phonetics, the intensity and the fine word economy.
Love and prayers for all who died and all who mourn them...
Love, rd
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Such a sad tragedy, and your poem captures it well. The first one's satori is extremely effective. Fine alliteration of B as well. The second one provides potent poetic contrast, plus superb alliteration of S and C. The third one follows up well with a creative satori line and a fine medley fo S sounds woven in.
This one is dramatic and effective:
glimpsed through blasted door
charred Shiva carving rules wreck
destroy and create
Awesome!
I like how this one shifts the lens from the event to the aftermath effect on people...and fine medley of L sounds and S as well:
sputtering candles
crowd sidewalk memorial
lives extinguished, lost
Great metaphorical closing note:
left near burnt ruins
flaming red poinsettias
Christmas without friend
These all work alone and together in a group synergy as well with a super effective composition style. Main reason for six, plus the phonetics, the intensity and the fine word economy.
Love and prayers for all who died and all who mourn them...
Love, rd
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Rama, for your generous, six star review and also for the example you set with your 2-4-2 suite. I copied the font and the format, and adapted your author's notes. You helped present my suite. Thank you also for your "Love and prayers for all who died and all who mourn them."
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Yay! So glad to heave helped. Much Love, rd
Comment from DR DIP
Gee that WAS a tragedy hey Nice account through haiku suite Sis.
That must have been eerie visiting those burnt out ruins and seeing the devastation
dip
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Gee that WAS a tragedy hey Nice account through haiku suite Sis.
That must have been eerie visiting those burnt out ruins and seeing the devastation
dip
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Yes, Dip, it was eerie visiting the ruins. TV and the newspaper are one thing, but to see the ruins up close in person is another. Thank you for your review.
