Charlie And The Power
A tragic end for Charlie20 total reviews
Comment from heisemg
Excellent Story, you developed and described your characters very well, especially Charlie. Also like the way you described the summer day. It was like I was sitting right next to your characters. Overall a very good written story.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Excellent Story, you developed and described your characters very well, especially Charlie. Also like the way you described the summer day. It was like I was sitting right next to your characters. Overall a very good written story.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I love descriptive writing and watch for contests where I can best use it.
Comment from Luna
Good writing is interesting writing;I began to read and ya caught me.
Charlie basically told his listener the meaning of life. Live how you do, love how you do and be prepared for the regrets you will inevitably have.
Great story.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Good writing is interesting writing;I began to read and ya caught me.
Charlie basically told his listener the meaning of life. Live how you do, love how you do and be prepared for the regrets you will inevitably have.
Great story.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I love to write descriptions and watch for the contests I can use it the most in.Thank you
Comment from mbroyles2
Excellent entry to the Charlie contest.
Thought provoking with a lively character that has a sage like demeanor. Wonderful description of the landscape and the birds.
Except maybe that irked robin. But heck it wasn't like you were eating his worms.
Good luck in the contest
Michael
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Excellent entry to the Charlie contest.
Thought provoking with a lively character that has a sage like demeanor. Wonderful description of the landscape and the birds.
Except maybe that irked robin. But heck it wasn't like you were eating his worms.
Good luck in the contest
Michael
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. You know how robins are, if you look at them wrong they cuss you out.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
An excellent contest entry. It reminds me of growing up on a farm. I often say people who don't grow up on a farm miss out on half of life.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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An excellent contest entry. It reminds me of growing up on a farm. I often say people who don't grow up on a farm miss out on half of life.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I'm afraid I'm not going to win this time. There is another her entry that is really cute. I don't mind losing to another really good story.
Comment from LIJ Red
"It fills the soil as well as the sky. You need only to listen, and allow yourself to feel and see. When the sunrise or sunset is streaked with orange and bright red, I think that's all part of it. Ir exists everywhere--all around us. Power is here, and it isn't. Can you see it? Touch it? No. It's here, and it isn't." Should this be in quotes?
Excellent use of the last time I saw Charlie prompt.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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"It fills the soil as well as the sky. You need only to listen, and allow yourself to feel and see. When the sunrise or sunset is streaked with orange and bright red, I think that's all part of it. Ir exists everywhere--all around us. Power is here, and it isn't. Can you see it? Touch it? No. It's here, and it isn't." Should this be in quotes?
Excellent use of the last time I saw Charlie prompt.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I thought I put it in speech quotes but I will go back and check it out. It is so easy to make an error. That is why I appreciate the reviewers so much.
Comment from Ella25
The last time I saw Charlie..a wondering story if he knew or not. Yes, life is precious, and there is no promised tomorrow. I enjoyed reading the story as it is well written and somehow satisfying. Though, I never lived on a farm. Best luck on the contest. Blessings, Ella
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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The last time I saw Charlie..a wondering story if he knew or not. Yes, life is precious, and there is no promised tomorrow. I enjoyed reading the story as it is well written and somehow satisfying. Though, I never lived on a farm. Best luck on the contest. Blessings, Ella
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. I have lived on farms my whole life. First, my Dad's fruit farm and, later, my husband's dairy farm. I'm not even comfortable in a city.
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You are welcome. I could live outside the city but not too far. Working on it, though, no I don't see myself doing it. Having an orchard perhaps, raspberries, few blueberry bushes, etc. Have a wonderful day. Ella
Comment from oliver818
I like the way you created a deep thinking character in this man in such a short space. It's deep and philosophical and very moving too, a great story. Best of luck for the competition!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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I like the way you created a deep thinking character in this man in such a short space. It's deep and philosophical and very moving too, a great story. Best of luck for the competition!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. Thanks for the six stars and the comments. I love descriptive writing of any kind.
Comment from Mands
What a lovely story, with such a sad shocking end to Charlie. Love your descriptions of the day relaxing in the chairs. You can feel the warmth of spring. Charlies descriptions of regret, love and passion for his family and farm, came across very strongly.
Just one point you may want to look it. I find the lines listed below did not flow as well as the rest of the story, Spray the corn is mentioned twice:
my husband had brought our field sprayer over to spray his corn for him. My husband was out spraying the corn.
You may be able to condense these two sentances down a little. But it is only a suggestion.
Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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What a lovely story, with such a sad shocking end to Charlie. Love your descriptions of the day relaxing in the chairs. You can feel the warmth of spring. Charlies descriptions of regret, love and passion for his family and farm, came across very strongly.
Just one point you may want to look it. I find the lines listed below did not flow as well as the rest of the story, Spray the corn is mentioned twice:
my husband had brought our field sprayer over to spray his corn for him. My husband was out spraying the corn.
You may be able to condense these two sentances down a little. But it is only a suggestion.
Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. An error on my part. I try to be careful about using a word too often, it does make a sentence awkward sounding. Thanks for the catch.
Comment from royowen
An excellent entry in this contest, a deeply philosophical work, intuitive and perceptive write,, of course people have funny names for God, big man upstairs, power? Life force, but unless you actually know Him, thinking He is a non sensical force, remember, the wonders around us! Excellent story, good characters and plot, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo (Ir) it? 2: love does funny thing(s) to people.3: but nothing last(s) forever. 4: part of the (P)ower.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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An excellent entry in this contest, a deeply philosophical work, intuitive and perceptive write,, of course people have funny names for God, big man upstairs, power? Life force, but unless you actually know Him, thinking He is a non sensical force, remember, the wonders around us! Excellent story, good characters and plot, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo (Ir) it? 2: love does funny thing(s) to people.3: but nothing last(s) forever. 4: part of the (P)ower.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you. Thanks for the catches, I will edit and repair. Sigh, it seems like I never catch them all. Thanks again.
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Well done
Comment from RodG
This story has a POWER that sneaks up on the reader just like it did to the narrator. Charlie is one of the freshest, most distinctive characters I've met in a long time. Wish I could have been there that spring afternoon to hear him talk about the land, his unfulfilled dreams, and his discussion of "love" and the funny things it does to people.
Your forte is BRINGING A CHARACTER TO LIFE, in this case through his lengthy monologue. And your THEME comes bursting through in Charlie's words. A great entry worthy of at least six stars. Rod
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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This story has a POWER that sneaks up on the reader just like it did to the narrator. Charlie is one of the freshest, most distinctive characters I've met in a long time. Wish I could have been there that spring afternoon to hear him talk about the land, his unfulfilled dreams, and his discussion of "love" and the funny things it does to people.
Your forte is BRINGING A CHARACTER TO LIFE, in this case through his lengthy monologue. And your THEME comes bursting through in Charlie's words. A great entry worthy of at least six stars. Rod
Comment Written 06-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Rod. Thanks for the six stars too. I appreciate them. I love writing descriptive stories and watch for contest where I can do so.
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My pleasure. Keep writing them! Rod
