In Time of Need
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Goodbye, November"My book of prayers and musings in time of need.
20 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
So sorry to hear of all the loss in your family in Novembers, dear. This is a poignant poem. The closing note is powerful and effective. This is my favorite stanza, thought, with such apt rhymes and fine imagery too as well as phonetic consonance and alliteration as and smooth enjambment and fluid flow:
November comes, brings such a chill,
a bitter frost, yet bitter still
is all the sadness we possess,
this ruptured vein of happiness.
Fine work. So sad.
Love and hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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So sorry to hear of all the loss in your family in Novembers, dear. This is a poignant poem. The closing note is powerful and effective. This is my favorite stanza, thought, with such apt rhymes and fine imagery too as well as phonetic consonance and alliteration as and smooth enjambment and fluid flow:
November comes, brings such a chill,
a bitter frost, yet bitter still
is all the sadness we possess,
this ruptured vein of happiness.
Fine work. So sad.
Love and hugs,
rd
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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Life moves forward. I was reading a note from one of my nephews on his mother's facebook page. She was gone 4 years yesterday, reading their notes made this just pop out, kinda wrote itself. Good to see you, sweet one. Thank you for the gracious words.
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Yes, very nice to see you too, dear fried. I smiled seeing your name appear in my inbox! :-))
Comment from Douglas Paul
Very well done, Dawn. Your rhyme and meter are superb. The reader can feel your distress with the month of November and your author,s notes explain why. I am sorry for your losses.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Very well done, Dawn. Your rhyme and meter are superb. The reader can feel your distress with the month of November and your author,s notes explain why. I am sorry for your losses.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, really appreciate you taking the time to read and review, I know I'm not around much these days but will try to come around more. Anxiously awaiting December 1.
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Wil be good to see you back more often
Comment from Thal1959
Very well written, with good rhymes, sentiment and effect. (Generally expressions like, "ruptured vein," and "bloody stream," can move the verse into the realm of the morbid, but you have employed it well enough to have impact without stirring in the reader an inner sense of revulsion.) My only personal point of contention, being the stickler that I am, occurs in the last line of the second stanza and the first line of the third stanza. It seems, since "the" is not capitalized, and there is no punctuation after "save," that the two lines are expressing a single sentence; "Oh God above, I pray you save the joy we lost when winter came;"
This is a small complaint, but it just rubs me the wrong way when a verse starts in the last line of a stanza and then flows directly to the first line of the proceeding stanza. I say it irritates me because I have seen people write prose... stack in vertically and break it up into stanzas, and call the fraud a poem. As an example, here is the first stanza from "The Half-loved," by Laura Scott:
"Sometimes you hear her, breathing heavily,
climbing the stairs to find you in the room
where the old silk wallpaper still clings
to the walls. And then you feel her sighs"
The first three "verses" and the first three words of the fourth line is nothing more than a single prose sentence. She then starts the second sentence have way through the fourth verse, and it continues unbroken through about the third verse of the second stanza. There is no rhyme, or rhythm in this poem - which won a few awards over the Internet!!! But it isn't a poem at all - it is elegantly written prose packaged to look like a poem. I do not accuse you of this - I merely point out why when a line doesn't end with the last line in a stanza, it irritates me. But please remember, all reviews are personal opinion, and your work is clearly worthy of its five stars. Thanks.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Very well written, with good rhymes, sentiment and effect. (Generally expressions like, "ruptured vein," and "bloody stream," can move the verse into the realm of the morbid, but you have employed it well enough to have impact without stirring in the reader an inner sense of revulsion.) My only personal point of contention, being the stickler that I am, occurs in the last line of the second stanza and the first line of the third stanza. It seems, since "the" is not capitalized, and there is no punctuation after "save," that the two lines are expressing a single sentence; "Oh God above, I pray you save the joy we lost when winter came;"
This is a small complaint, but it just rubs me the wrong way when a verse starts in the last line of a stanza and then flows directly to the first line of the proceeding stanza. I say it irritates me because I have seen people write prose... stack in vertically and break it up into stanzas, and call the fraud a poem. As an example, here is the first stanza from "The Half-loved," by Laura Scott:
"Sometimes you hear her, breathing heavily,
climbing the stairs to find you in the room
where the old silk wallpaper still clings
to the walls. And then you feel her sighs"
The first three "verses" and the first three words of the fourth line is nothing more than a single prose sentence. She then starts the second sentence have way through the fourth verse, and it continues unbroken through about the third verse of the second stanza. There is no rhyme, or rhythm in this poem - which won a few awards over the Internet!!! But it isn't a poem at all - it is elegantly written prose packaged to look like a poem. I do not accuse you of this - I merely point out why when a line doesn't end with the last line in a stanza, it irritates me. But please remember, all reviews are personal opinion, and your work is clearly worthy of its five stars. Thanks.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Yeah I get where you are coming from, a few years ago some fellow poets and myself were trying to hone techniques in poetry to keep lines and stanzas flowing together, the technique that you show above is never one I've been fond of but there are times in rhyming poetry where you can get that to work, I don't feel in free verse it does because as you say it is just prose broken up into lines to make it look poetic, but then again that is why I don't write free verse. Thanks for the great feedback and for taking the time, much appreciated.
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You're welcome.
Comment from royowen
I can understand the anxiety this month must bring, but it must be coincidental rather than factual. A nicely written work, my friend, the verses are jewelled with beautifully language, the narrative is smoothly written in aabb rhyming, the rhetoric is full of elegant phrasing so. Well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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I can understand the anxiety this month must bring, but it must be coincidental rather than factual. A nicely written work, my friend, the verses are jewelled with beautifully language, the narrative is smoothly written in aabb rhyming, the rhetoric is full of elegant phrasing so. Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, Roy. I really appreciate your time.
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You're welcome
Comment from country ranch writer
sorry for your losses and my prayers go out to you for all that have gone in the process. it is hard I know and I can sure relate to this as I lost three in one month
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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sorry for your losses and my prayers go out to you for all that have gone in the process. it is hard I know and I can sure relate to this as I lost three in one month
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Yeah it's hard for any of us who have suffered any kind of loss. Thanks for taking the time to leave feedback
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Hugs
Comment from l.raven
HI Dawn....so good to see you my sweet friend...miss you...I am so sorry you have lost so many loved ones in November...but like you said...we will see them again...eternally...your poem is very well written...and I love your picture...God Bless sweet girl...love ya Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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HI Dawn....so good to see you my sweet friend...miss you...I am so sorry you have lost so many loved ones in November...but like you said...we will see them again...eternally...your poem is very well written...and I love your picture...God Bless sweet girl...love ya Linda xxoo
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Hiya sweet Linda. How you been? Great English, eh? Glad you stopped by. I know I need to come around more, getting to the slow time of year so perhaps I shall indeed visit more often. Thanks for taking the time to leave such gracious words. Love ya.
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you are so welcome Dawn...always...will be looking for ya...xxoo Love
Comment from I am Cat
Jo Lynn,
I'm so pleased I have a way to show you how wonderful this written, how deeply it touches the soul.
Winter is hard for many, and I'm sending a big hug from one SAD sufferer to another...
I'm so pleased to read you my friend...
Please, do the world a favor and keep writing!
Be well,
Cat
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Jo Lynn,
I'm so pleased I have a way to show you how wonderful this written, how deeply it touches the soul.
Winter is hard for many, and I'm sending a big hug from one SAD sufferer to another...
I'm so pleased to read you my friend...
Please, do the world a favor and keep writing!
Be well,
Cat
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Awww you are such a sweet soul. Wish we lived close I think we'd be great friends. Well we are friends, LOL I'm actually thinking about writing a book on abuse, thinking about it anyway, so many need a lift where that is concerned and a light to shine their way out.
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Sounds great, I'm happy to lend an eye if you need it.
Yes, we are definitely friends but I know what you mean
Hugs!
Keep writing, even if it's not here
Comment from dragonpoet
These aabb quatrains tell of grief of the loss of a loved one and maybe also the loss of faith. It seems faith and the ablility to love is renewed.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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These aabb quatrains tell of grief of the loss of a loved one and maybe also the loss of faith. It seems faith and the ablility to love is renewed.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave such a gracious review.
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You're welcome on all accounts.
dp
Comment from RodG
You really capture the stark ATMOSPHERE of November and grieving for those one's lost. We feel the "bitter chill" both literally and figuratively. But you make us also rejoice in HIS grace and solace. Frankly, I'll never be a fan of AABB rhyming, but you work within the restraints very well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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You really capture the stark ATMOSPHERE of November and grieving for those one's lost. We feel the "bitter chill" both literally and figuratively. But you make us also rejoice in HIS grace and solace. Frankly, I'll never be a fan of AABB rhyming, but you work within the restraints very well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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I usually write in ABAB but this one was writing itself, sometimes you just have to let it go. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Your time is very much appreciated.
Comment from poetbear
Just wrote one with a similar title.
Like the black and white photo mixing with the genre and feels ng here.
Many will relate.
Reads well and makes sense.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Just wrote one with a similar title.
Like the black and white photo mixing with the genre and feels ng here.
Many will relate.
Reads well and makes sense.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for the understanding and gracious review, so very much appreciated.
