The Tower and the Wall
My contribution to the rest of the political static63 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
As a business man it is my hope that Trump can show how a business should be run. The CEO of our government should run our country like a business, not like a courtroom with slick lawyers. Patricia
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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As a business man it is my hope that Trump can show how a business should be run. The CEO of our government should run our country like a business, not like a courtroom with slick lawyers. Patricia
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. Very much appreciated!
Comment from Irish Rain
I agree, the answer is ALWAYS found in love. With love, we'd have no need of all this nonsense. Many people see this....but those in power exploit it, a shame. Lovely poem, strong truths, blessings....
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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I agree, the answer is ALWAYS found in love. With love, we'd have no need of all this nonsense. Many people see this....but those in power exploit it, a shame. Lovely poem, strong truths, blessings....
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. Very much appreciated!
Comment from Stephanie Kastner
Amen! Let's all pray Trump makes a positive difference. This country needs a change. I loved how shocked the media was after the election!
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Amen! Let's all pray Trump makes a positive difference. This country needs a change. I loved how shocked the media was after the election!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RICH01
Very Excellent. Not just because I agree with the tenor of your thoughts. It's very well done in terms of its rhythm, its rhyming and the use of multiple metaphors.
I enjoyed it very much.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Very Excellent. Not just because I agree with the tenor of your thoughts. It's very well done in terms of its rhythm, its rhyming and the use of multiple metaphors.
I enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my poem. That extra star means a lot!
Comment from Writer51
Bravo! This is excellent in message as well as voice. The words flow like water and the rhyme is exceptional. The meter has the rhythm of a song. There's not much I could say to criticize this. It is outstanding.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Bravo! This is excellent in message as well as voice. The words flow like water and the rhyme is exceptional. The meter has the rhythm of a song. There's not much I could say to criticize this. It is outstanding.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. I am honored by your stars.
Comment from Javed05
Nice poem. Appropriate after election results. It has good rhyming and good imagery. Found it engaging for the reader. Ilike rhyming poems.thanks for sharing with us.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Nice poem. Appropriate after election results. It has good rhyming and good imagery. Found it engaging for the reader. Ilike rhyming poems.thanks for sharing with us.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. I am honored by your stars.
Comment from Leineco
I have to confess to liking this poem from the first stanza - simply because
it immediately brought Cohen's "1000 Kisses Deep" rhythmics to mind.
The further I read - the more deeply I appreciated the Cohen-esque "style" of thought provoking discourse. ( I even liked the inclusion of the God concept sneaking in in the final stanza - so signature...)
Although the overriding message comes through, subliminally, I certainly not going to attempt to analyze it line by line - except to say that it offers a powerful nexus simulating the cerebral cortex.
It's really an astounding piece of writing for this site! Quite sophisticated and compelling.
I did find a few spots where minuscule tweaking might improve the flow, I hope you don't mind me offering my thoughts on this essentially near perfect construction.
re: Yet if no one knows the hour
Though no one truly knows the hour (for meter)
re: That would have you duck and cower
Would have you duck and cover (the "that" is superfluous, and throws off the syntax
re: And I'll be stuck behind this wall
And I'll be stuck 'hind this wall (for meter)
re: And truth requires a mixture of
Thus truth requires a mixture of (just to avoid the double and at start of consecutive lines)
These are very small niggles - but I just thought they might be worth considering.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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I have to confess to liking this poem from the first stanza - simply because
it immediately brought Cohen's "1000 Kisses Deep" rhythmics to mind.
The further I read - the more deeply I appreciated the Cohen-esque "style" of thought provoking discourse. ( I even liked the inclusion of the God concept sneaking in in the final stanza - so signature...)
Although the overriding message comes through, subliminally, I certainly not going to attempt to analyze it line by line - except to say that it offers a powerful nexus simulating the cerebral cortex.
It's really an astounding piece of writing for this site! Quite sophisticated and compelling.
I did find a few spots where minuscule tweaking might improve the flow, I hope you don't mind me offering my thoughts on this essentially near perfect construction.
re: Yet if no one knows the hour
Though no one truly knows the hour (for meter)
re: That would have you duck and cower
Would have you duck and cover (the "that" is superfluous, and throws off the syntax
re: And I'll be stuck behind this wall
And I'll be stuck 'hind this wall (for meter)
re: And truth requires a mixture of
Thus truth requires a mixture of (just to avoid the double and at start of consecutive lines)
These are very small niggles - but I just thought they might be worth considering.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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I can think of no greater compliment than a comparison to Leonard. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you just made my day! Also, these are precisely the types of suggestions that bring me to this sight. I took them into consideration and made some minor adjustments. Its a better poem now because of you, I am in your debt.
Comment from Mastery
Excellent poetry, Clockwise. From start to finish these lines captivate the reader. (me) and I admire your skill with rhyme.
I liked this stanza in particular:
"The arrogance of Babel--
That progressive loup garou
Which loves to rouse the rabble
And impose a point of view
That would have you duck and cower
To avoid Glenn Beck, et al
From your safe-space leaning tower
Hurling rocks against the wall."
Bravo! Blesssings, Bob
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Excellent poetry, Clockwise. From start to finish these lines captivate the reader. (me) and I admire your skill with rhyme.
I liked this stanza in particular:
"The arrogance of Babel--
That progressive loup garou
Which loves to rouse the rabble
And impose a point of view
That would have you duck and cower
To avoid Glenn Beck, et al
From your safe-space leaning tower
Hurling rocks against the wall."
Bravo! Blesssings, Bob
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. I am honored by your stars.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
First, your poem, rhyme and meter, the flow, the wording are all exceptional, I wish I had a 6 left for you. The message you have superbly sent out, is pure truth. Your last stanza brings the others together with clarity. I believe Donald Trump will surprise the ones against him, and he'll do very well. I wonder if some would really like him to fail, it certainly sounds like it, but they are taking on a strong man, not a softy, and it's his strength and determination that will prove his supporters right. Well done, exceptional all round. :) Sandra x
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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First, your poem, rhyme and meter, the flow, the wording are all exceptional, I wish I had a 6 left for you. The message you have superbly sent out, is pure truth. Your last stanza brings the others together with clarity. I believe Donald Trump will surprise the ones against him, and he'll do very well. I wonder if some would really like him to fail, it certainly sounds like it, but they are taking on a strong man, not a softy, and it's his strength and determination that will prove his supporters right. Well done, exceptional all round. :) Sandra x
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. I am honored by your stars.
Comment from WalkerMan
There is much wisdom in this perfectly illustrated post. The self-appointed elites imagine themselves in a tower of their ideology, above the common man (or woman), while many who ignorantly idolize them want to wall off all other points of view. A country needs stout borders to survive, but ideas must flow for the truth to be known within. "Safe-rooms" are just holes in the sand for ostrich-headed college students afraid their religion of indoctrination might be threatened by the free speech of others with differing views. Intentionally, they have not been taught to reason; so they fear because they cannot argue cogently for their side -- and would lose if they actually did, as history has proven their foolish notions wrong repeatedly (which is why it is no longer accurately taught). Trump cannot be walled out, and the truth he wields will bring down both the wall of ignorance and the tower of deceit. Already in his cabinet choices he is disproving the lies of misogyny and racism thrown at him in desperation by the corrupt press. His love of our country stands in sharp contrast to the arrogance and barely veiled hate of the other side, which is why the people have so thinned their number in the last election. Superb. Sorry my Sixes are already gone.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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There is much wisdom in this perfectly illustrated post. The self-appointed elites imagine themselves in a tower of their ideology, above the common man (or woman), while many who ignorantly idolize them want to wall off all other points of view. A country needs stout borders to survive, but ideas must flow for the truth to be known within. "Safe-rooms" are just holes in the sand for ostrich-headed college students afraid their religion of indoctrination might be threatened by the free speech of others with differing views. Intentionally, they have not been taught to reason; so they fear because they cannot argue cogently for their side -- and would lose if they actually did, as history has proven their foolish notions wrong repeatedly (which is why it is no longer accurately taught). Trump cannot be walled out, and the truth he wields will bring down both the wall of ignorance and the tower of deceit. Already in his cabinet choices he is disproving the lies of misogyny and racism thrown at him in desperation by the corrupt press. His love of our country stands in sharp contrast to the arrogance and barely veiled hate of the other side, which is why the people have so thinned their number in the last election. Superb. Sorry my Sixes are already gone.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. I am honored by your stars.
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You are most welcome. Your analysis of the situation as expressed in this post is astute. That I did not have a Six to give it irked me. -- Mike
