Nashville Trashville - Conclusion
Links to previous chapters in the Notes section19 total reviews
Comment from F. Wehr3
Funny story, Mary. I really enjoyed it. I love your sense of humor.
I found a few things for your consideration.
I was there to collect the credit card and license on behalf of my daughter's drunk ass behalf.--I would nix the second behalf in this sentence.
Once Frank was filled in on the plan, and secured my daughter's ID and credit card in his pocket, we made our way to the elevator bay,--Suggest deletion of the comma after plan. This is all one big dependent clause.
-"I'm sorry folks, this elevator is out of service, we'll have to wait for one of the others, it won't be long."--Technically four complete sentences.
I choked when Frank then stuck his head inside Otis #3, and began dry-heaving as he hit the button combination sending it to the roof, or outer space. --Suggest deletion of the comma after 3 and after roof.
We were an elite group; a mother, a cab driver, Frank the security guard/actor, and poor Joe the custodian.--Suggest a inserting a colon instead of a semi-colon.
I placed my room key on the table so I could free my license from its wet bondage with both hands.--Suggest a comma before your conjunction so.
I re-entered the hallway after washing my hands and my license, and headed toward Frank, --Suggest deletion of the comma after license.
Overall, great job! So when is the next family outing?
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
  |
Funny story, Mary. I really enjoyed it. I love your sense of humor.
I found a few things for your consideration.
I was there to collect the credit card and license on behalf of my daughter's drunk ass behalf.--I would nix the second behalf in this sentence.
Once Frank was filled in on the plan, and secured my daughter's ID and credit card in his pocket, we made our way to the elevator bay,--Suggest deletion of the comma after plan. This is all one big dependent clause.
-"I'm sorry folks, this elevator is out of service, we'll have to wait for one of the others, it won't be long."--Technically four complete sentences.
I choked when Frank then stuck his head inside Otis #3, and began dry-heaving as he hit the button combination sending it to the roof, or outer space. --Suggest deletion of the comma after 3 and after roof.
We were an elite group; a mother, a cab driver, Frank the security guard/actor, and poor Joe the custodian.--Suggest a inserting a colon instead of a semi-colon.
I placed my room key on the table so I could free my license from its wet bondage with both hands.--Suggest a comma before your conjunction so.
I re-entered the hallway after washing my hands and my license, and headed toward Frank, --Suggest deletion of the comma after license.
Overall, great job! So when is the next family outing?
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
And I LOVE your reviews, Russell. Thank you so very much for the helpful changes, all have been employed. I tend to put commas in front of any 'and.' I must be relying on an old rule from high school English class. Your changes are welcomed and I completely embraced every one of them. Thank you, thank you! We've had a few family outings since, with emphasis on family. My husband present for back-up when needed! Thanks again, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Very funny,
Awaiting our next adventure much to Bruni's bitching.
If I were you, I think I would stay home for a while. You get in too much trouble.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
Very funny,
Awaiting our next adventure much to Bruni's bitching.
If I were you, I think I would stay home for a while. You get in too much trouble.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Thank you, Thomas! I don't travel much. There is a reason for that :) I appreciate your review and continued interest! Happy Sunday!
Comment from Sasha
This is hysterical (so was the video) and your graphic descriptions got a few gags out of me too. What a trip. Definitely one to remember (or forget depending on you POV). You did a terrific job with this one. Thanks (or not) for sharing it with us.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
This is hysterical (so was the video) and your graphic descriptions got a few gags out of me too. What a trip. Definitely one to remember (or forget depending on you POV). You did a terrific job with this one. Thanks (or not) for sharing it with us.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Good morning, Sasha! Thank you for your wonderful review as well as your continued interest in the story. I appreciate you! My daughter was LOL'ing yesterday when I showed her the video that would accompany her story! Have an awesome Sunday.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
You have been the light of my world since the start of this story and I have looked forward to each and every installment. Please tell Bruni that I sincerely love her and that I want you to know how dearly you have become to me
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
You have been the light of my world since the start of this story and I have looked forward to each and every installment. Please tell Bruni that I sincerely love her and that I want you to know how dearly you have become to me
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Hi Barb, you are too sweet. Thank you for your review and personal message. I loved it and the knowledge we bring you a little chuckle now and then, Bruni especially :) Thank you for your continued interest in my words. I appreciate you very much.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
All's well that ends well. Next time, make a no-drinking rule and stick to it. :) You did such a good job of describing the adventure that I can smell the barf. LOL!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
All's well that ends well. Next time, make a no-drinking rule and stick to it. :) You did such a good job of describing the adventure that I can smell the barf. LOL!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Good morning, Phyllis! Thank you for your advice and your review. I appreciate your feedback. A no-drinking rule would be akin to entering a mosquito breeding ground without a can of OFF! :) Just kidding, they are all a little older now and much wiser :) Thank you for your continued interest in my work. I appreciate you!
Comment from DR DIP
pyjamas
Is this entirely true and only the names have been changed to protect the innocent? It's a very funny story reminds me of national lampoons vacation lol
thanks for sharing
Well done you are a very funny lady
dip
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
pyjamas
Is this entirely true and only the names have been changed to protect the innocent? It's a very funny story reminds me of national lampoons vacation lol
thanks for sharing
Well done you are a very funny lady
dip
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Hi there Dip, thank you for your RR&R and the reminder of National Lampoons. I should stick Bruni on the roof of the car in a rocker on the next trip! Thank you so much for your comments and continued interest. I appreciate you!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was excellent. The story easily kept my interest. Not a big fan of the bold but outside of that this really worked. The dialogue is strong. The pacing is good - you don't rush. An enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
I thought this was excellent. The story easily kept my interest. Not a big fan of the bold but outside of that this really worked. The dialogue is strong. The pacing is good - you don't rush. An enjoyable read.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Hi Michael, thank you for your wonderful RR&R. I took your suggestion and have reduced the bolding of dialogue, just leaving the bolds for the HAAAUUUKKK's to give them the extra push they need :) I appreciate you stopping by, and I don't recall seeing your name before, so if you are new to FS, welcome, and if you've been here a while, thank you for reading my work. Have an excellent Sunday.
Comment from Heidi M
NIGHTMARE of a trip! This chapter is hilarious from start to finish, though. It's filled with funny Wake-isms like Drunkey Monkey. And what a picture of the car with the dress and jacket flapping out the car windows! I was starting to experience a little of that gag reflex when watching the YouTube video.
The 'when I informed my daughter' part isn't a complete sentence. If you change 'when' to 'then', it will be okay.
Have you gone on a road trip with your adult children since the Nashville misadventure?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
NIGHTMARE of a trip! This chapter is hilarious from start to finish, though. It's filled with funny Wake-isms like Drunkey Monkey. And what a picture of the car with the dress and jacket flapping out the car windows! I was starting to experience a little of that gag reflex when watching the YouTube video.
The 'when I informed my daughter' part isn't a complete sentence. If you change 'when' to 'then', it will be okay.
Have you gone on a road trip with your adult children since the Nashville misadventure?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Hi Heidi, happy Sunday, and thank you for another wonderful review. It was a nightmare for this mamabear! I will say, my daughter was a trooper the following day and sucked it up as we visited McEwen, then hit downtown Nashville before heading to the airport. Thank you for the catch on When, then. I am a terrible editor! Have a great Sunday!
Comment from damommy
What a story. Aren't you glad it's over? You never go back to that hotel. LOL
Hanging the clothes out the car window was hilarious. Then saying goodbye to Harvey broke my heart.
Thanks for the video. I laughed so hard I have tears running down my face. 8-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
|
What a story. Aren't you glad it's over? You never go back to that hotel. LOL
Hanging the clothes out the car window was hilarious. Then saying goodbye to Harvey broke my heart.
Thanks for the video. I laughed so hard I have tears running down my face. 8-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Hi Yvonne! Thank you for another wonderful review. I enjoyed hearing your reaction, and yes, that was one for the books and one I don't want to revisit anytime soon! Harvey was such an unusual dog, and I begged my parents to let me fly him home. Forty years later, after hearing that he broke out of a basement and returned on his own to the church rectory, I was thankful they didn't allow me to relocate him. He would have been devastated. He was my shadow that summer, and a dog I will never forget. That video, just popped up with perfect timing. I showed it to my daughter yesterday, and told it would be added to the story of her drunkey monkey, and she was dying laughing! Have a wonderful Sunday, and thanks again!
