Haiku the sea meets the shore
A pleasant place a thoughtless mind16 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a fine haiku that could do very well in this contest. Strange that its 5-7-5 syllables should result in this triangular shape but the then syllables like the waves of the sea are of indeterminate length.
One point. The title of Haiku by tradition is the word Haiku followed by the first line in parentheses. I think this is to avoid the temptation of adding another thought within the title, to which you have succumbed. Depending on the whim of the committee that could disqualify you. So I would change it if I were you.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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This is a fine haiku that could do very well in this contest. Strange that its 5-7-5 syllables should result in this triangular shape but the then syllables like the waves of the sea are of indeterminate length.
One point. The title of Haiku by tradition is the word Haiku followed by the first line in parentheses. I think this is to avoid the temptation of adding another thought within the title, to which you have succumbed. Depending on the whim of the committee that could disqualify you. So I would change it if I were you.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much I'll do that. enjoyed your comment Jax
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that would be safest.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. The ocean are always busy and the waves never stop rolling onto the shore. To watch the ocean is the most soothing experience we can have, It seems it takes our troubles on our minds into the ocean and cleanse our thoughts.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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A very well-written haiku. The ocean are always busy and the waves never stop rolling onto the shore. To watch the ocean is the most soothing experience we can have, It seems it takes our troubles on our minds into the ocean and cleanse our thoughts.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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Thanks for your evoked comments. I hope this Haiku brought pleasant memories.
Jax
Comment from William Ross
nicely done on the haiku, cerebral response I like that, the sea meets the shore in song. good luck on this and have a great day
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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nicely done on the haiku, cerebral response I like that, the sea meets the shore in song. good luck on this and have a great day
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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Thanks for your kind comments and review Jax
Comment from Dean Kuch
There are fewer places on earth where we, as human beings, feel any less significant in the grand scheme of the universe than when standing on the shore while looking out over the vastness of the sea.
It's a truly humbling experience.
Good traditional 5/7/5 composition for your haiku, Jaxpoet.
Concrete imagery created here as well.
All the other key elements seem to be in place; the kigo, satori, and Kireji.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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There are fewer places on earth where we, as human beings, feel any less significant in the grand scheme of the universe than when standing on the shore while looking out over the vastness of the sea.
It's a truly humbling experience.
Good traditional 5/7/5 composition for your haiku, Jaxpoet.
Concrete imagery created here as well.
All the other key elements seem to be in place; the kigo, satori, and Kireji.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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I started the day watching the sun peak its small gold eye into the pinks horizon then building into its beautiful ball as it rose over the Sea of Cortez. You are so right; we are but a spec of dust in the cosmos. Thanks for the evoking review.
Jax
Congratulation on moving the first position in the ratings. Do you know what is up with Cat, she has not posted since Oct 19??
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Thank you, Jax.
Cat had surgery on her hand for carpal tunnel on November 1st.
She's still recovering.
~Dean
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Haiku paints a clear picture of being around the sea and how its calmness affects a person.
Should make an interesting entry for this contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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Haiku paints a clear picture of being around the sea and how its calmness affects a person.
Should make an interesting entry for this contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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Hope you enjoyed it
Jax
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of the of the poem reminisces a prowling ocean preoccupied with the pastime of simulating images of destruction in the mind's eye of those who venture close to it.The work earns its texture through the use of personification.Excellent work! Bravo!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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The objective correlative of the of the poem reminisces a prowling ocean preoccupied with the pastime of simulating images of destruction in the mind's eye of those who venture close to it.The work earns its texture through the use of personification.Excellent work! Bravo!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2016
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Bravo! Thanks for a great review.
Jax
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Remain Blessed!
