Favorite Short Stories, Vol. 3
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Forever Love"an eclectic fiction collection, old and new
20 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
You ought to write more fiction, my dear. You are so effective at it. You bring the reader in quickly and won't let go. You have a romantic premise that tests the extremes of love. The perfect conflict and you develop the perfect resolution.
Only one teensy question:
Green eyes besought hazel ones. [I'm afraid I don't understand this, Dawn. Whose eyes are green and whose hazel? And why so indirect about it?]
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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You ought to write more fiction, my dear. You are so effective at it. You bring the reader in quickly and won't let go. You have a romantic premise that tests the extremes of love. The perfect conflict and you develop the perfect resolution.
Only one teensy question:
Green eyes besought hazel ones. [I'm afraid I don't understand this, Dawn. Whose eyes are green and whose hazel? And why so indirect about it?]
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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First, to answer your question, I thought it was obvious because there are just the two of them in the kitchen - mother and daughter having a girl-talk. After what she says, the daughter is seeking her mother's understanding (with her eyes). But if it doesn't fit, in your opinion, I'm not necessarily opposed to slashing it. LOL.
Thanks very much, Jay. You really have no idea how much I needed this review right now.
As for writing more fiction, I have 7 novels on the go, I just published a 30,000 word book of horror short stories, I am working on editing my first COMPLETED novel and a children's story of appx. 16,000 words, *grin* and I'm about half-way through editing another book of romantic short stories right now (hence the posting). Where ya bin for the last four years? LOL! XX
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I musta been asleep. I remember one where your character's man was comatose in the hospital, but I don't remember it finishing. About the dueling eyes, it was just that I didn't have any way of knowing whose eyes were green and whose hazel. Congratulations on your published novel.
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Okay, thanks - I will give it some thought. :)
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What published novel? LOL. Do you mean my book of short stories? LOL
As for the story you refer to, no, that's not the completed novel. The one I am talking about is a young woman trying to recover from losing her first-born infant to crib death. But thanks anyway. :)
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Okay, I thought it out - how about, "Green eyes besought an answer from her mother's hazel ones" ? Thanks, Jay!
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perfect! And now the besought mystery is solved.
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LOL. Thank you, kind sir. :)
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is well written and a beautiful love story with a warm and romantic ending I enjoyed you have done very well love the music too regards Jill
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This is well written and a beautiful love story with a warm and romantic ending I enjoyed you have done very well love the music too regards Jill
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Mary Wakeford
"I can't, Mom. He would stay with me. He would still want to be married. How could I do that to him?" Green eyes besought hazel ones -> I fooooooking love that last sentence. Green eyes besought hazel ones!!!
She took soft, youthful hands into her own time-worn ones. -> you're killin' me smalls! Another great descriptive observation
Ah, this was such a great read. I didn't want it to end. At the beginning, I thought she was going to be victim of an ex-lover, then the kitchen scene with her mom. Devastating situation! You have written this with such clarity from every characters feeling, from mom to boyfriend, to Julia. Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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"I can't, Mom. He would stay with me. He would still want to be married. How could I do that to him?" Green eyes besought hazel ones -> I fooooooking love that last sentence. Green eyes besought hazel ones!!!
She took soft, youthful hands into her own time-worn ones. -> you're killin' me smalls! Another great descriptive observation
Ah, this was such a great read. I didn't want it to end. At the beginning, I thought she was going to be victim of an ex-lover, then the kitchen scene with her mom. Devastating situation! You have written this with such clarity from every characters feeling, from mom to boyfriend, to Julia. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thanks, Mary.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh the tears, reminded me of the story with Cary Grant where the woman he loved was in a wheel chair and she wouldn't tell him, but he found out.
I loved this. Very well written with just the right emotion.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Oh the tears, reminded me of the story with Cary Grant where the woman he loved was in a wheel chair and she wouldn't tell him, but he found out.
I loved this. Very well written with just the right emotion.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Well, you better have a look at what you rated it then, my dear - ONE STAR. Thanks, Dawn
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0H DEAR NO. I CORRECTED IT AND THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME. I AM FIGHTING A BLIND HEADACHE AND HAVE MADE NUMEROUS BLUNDERS TODAY. INCLUDING GETTING UP
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Well, sorry about your headache. I don't review work when I am not up to it. It's why you will occasionally see a post from me, but no reviews - I respect others work too much.
Barb, before your review I was up in the top three on the front page. Your one star review bounced me off the page completely, and even though I have received two more sixes, it won't go back on now.
I don't care about the front page so much as the extra reviews BEING on the front page garners, especially since I worked hard to promote it.
Anyway, what's done is done. I appreciate you trying to repair the damage.
Comment from jlsavell
Dawn,
Oh this bought tears to my eyes. I have heard of Huntingtons and its ravages but have never know one person who has it. You have written this beautifully. What incredible pain for both to endure. Beautiful work. Inpressive. Jimi
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Dawn,
Oh this bought tears to my eyes. I have heard of Huntingtons and its ravages but have never know one person who has it. You have written this beautifully. What incredible pain for both to endure. Beautiful work. Inpressive. Jimi
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story. We think we protect a loved one by not telling them we are sick or have a problem. We push them away and think it is the best, but it is not really the solution. Communication and honesty is always the best solution to any problem.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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A very well-written story. We think we protect a loved one by not telling them we are sick or have a problem. We push them away and think it is the best, but it is not really the solution. Communication and honesty is always the best solution to any problem.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I agree. Thanks, Sandra.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Very good story. Your dialogue flows nicely and is believable. The characters interact realistically. I can see them being alive.
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Very good story. Your dialogue flows nicely and is believable. The characters interact realistically. I can see them being alive.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
Comment from royowen
Aww. I think you know I'm an incurable romantic...what, you didn't write it for me? Oh, it's like "magnificent obsession" the movie, (Rock Hudson and Jan Wyman) where she becomes a paraplegic, and he is the cause, he determines to find a cure for her, he dedicates his life to that caus, any way, a weepy. Well done, Dawn, great characterisation, and wonderfully simple but dynamic plot, well done, great read, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Aww. I think you know I'm an incurable romantic...what, you didn't write it for me? Oh, it's like "magnificent obsession" the movie, (Rock Hudson and Jan Wyman) where she becomes a paraplegic, and he is the cause, he determines to find a cure for her, he dedicates his life to that caus, any way, a weepy. Well done, Dawn, great characterisation, and wonderfully simple but dynamic plot, well done, great read, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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:)) Thank you, my friend. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. What an encouraging review!
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Most welcome Dawn
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm crying right along with them. Great write.
Her Mom understood that, but this time she was wrong. (lower case 'm' on mom because of the 'her')
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I'm crying right along with them. Great write.
Her Mom understood that, but this time she was wrong. (lower case 'm' on mom because of the 'her')
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Barbara. All fixed. I'm seriously grateful for your generous review of this, remarks AND sixer.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Interesting storyline and perspective.
Good characterizations used throughout the telling of this tale.
Having a contest entry disappear before the contest not good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Interesting storyline and perspective.
Good characterizations used throughout the telling of this tale.
Having a contest entry disappear before the contest not good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thanks very much.
