Your Pumpkin Pie - edited
Potlatch Challenge 11/58 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sonnet. With the pumpkin pie you did not liked until you took a bite and now baking your own little pumpkin tarts.
The following line doesn't seem right though
Dad seemed to love it (as you forbid him)
Dad seemed to love it, (then he was forbid) {to rhyme with did}
It wasn't so nearly as bad as thought. (only nine syllables)
It was not nearly as bad as I thought. {suggested for better sentence flow}
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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A very well-written sonnet. With the pumpkin pie you did not liked until you took a bite and now baking your own little pumpkin tarts.
The following line doesn't seem right though
Dad seemed to love it (as you forbid him)
Dad seemed to love it, (then he was forbid) {to rhyme with did}
It wasn't so nearly as bad as thought. (only nine syllables)
It was not nearly as bad as I thought. {suggested for better sentence flow}
Comment Written 07-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
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Thank you, I need to do a little work on the suggestions you guys have given me, I really appreciate all the help!
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Great. I always think I don't like pumpkin pie until I eat it. Then I can't get enough. I never eat it except at Thanksgiving. It doesn't make sense.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Great. I always think I don't like pumpkin pie until I eat it. Then I can't get enough. I never eat it except at Thanksgiving. It doesn't make sense.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your review! I only eat in around thanksgiving too!
Comment from persevere
Your standard sonnet follows all the syllable and rhyming rules. Your change of taste for pumpkin pie is interesting. My husband keeps recalling how he loved the pumpkin fritters of his youth.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Your standard sonnet follows all the syllable and rhyming rules. Your change of taste for pumpkin pie is interesting. My husband keeps recalling how he loved the pumpkin fritters of his youth.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your review!
Comment from jlsavell
Allison 78, these potlatch challenges turn out some delicious work! Pumkin Pie is an incredible treat. Whip cream and nutmeg. Delightful.
Your poem was a scumptious treat to read.... jimi
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Allison 78, these potlatch challenges turn out some delicious work! Pumkin Pie is an incredible treat. Whip cream and nutmeg. Delightful.
Your poem was a scumptious treat to read.... jimi
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Pantygynt
I was a bit like you when watching my mother with dough. It just looked horrible to me and it was years before I dared to taste it.
Good try on the sonnet form. There are a couple of places where the iambic pentameters break down, but they should be easily repaired.
You seemed to take such pride in what you did,
as we watched the Thanksgiving Day parade.
Dad seem to love it as you forbid him (You need to rhyme this line with "did". Try:)
Dad seem to love it. You did him forbid
But one thanksgiving day I took a bite,
It wasn't so nearly as bad as thought. (This is a littlew clumsy try:)
It wasn't near so bad as what I thought.
I now make my own lovely pumpkin tarts;
I wish I had liked your pie from the start! ("liked" and "pie" are the syllables that need the stress here but at the moment "had" and "your" have it. Try:)
I wish I'd liked your pie right from the start.
Just some thoughts on thev subject.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I was a bit like you when watching my mother with dough. It just looked horrible to me and it was years before I dared to taste it.
Good try on the sonnet form. There are a couple of places where the iambic pentameters break down, but they should be easily repaired.
You seemed to take such pride in what you did,
as we watched the Thanksgiving Day parade.
Dad seem to love it as you forbid him (You need to rhyme this line with "did". Try:)
Dad seem to love it. You did him forbid
But one thanksgiving day I took a bite,
It wasn't so nearly as bad as thought. (This is a littlew clumsy try:)
It wasn't near so bad as what I thought.
I now make my own lovely pumpkin tarts;
I wish I had liked your pie from the start! ("liked" and "pie" are the syllables that need the stress here but at the moment "had" and "your" have it. Try:)
I wish I'd liked your pie right from the start.
Just some thoughts on thev subject.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for helping me see where I'm making my mistakes with meter, I very much appreciate it!
Comment from LIJ Red
Who knows where the young come up with their ideas? I do remember that the
scratch pies from garden pumpkins my mom made were a terrific source of heartburn. This looks excellent for the challenge.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Who knows where the young come up with their ideas? I do remember that the
scratch pies from garden pumpkins my mom made were a terrific source of heartburn. This looks excellent for the challenge.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for reviewing, I appreciate it!
Comment from JennaG
I enjoyed the twist your sonnet takes when it turns out you like the pumpkin pie after all. I love a good happy ending! And, it gives me hope that maybe one day my son will like some of the things I cook that he won't even try right now. LOL. :) I really enjoyed reading your sonnet! Great work! Thank you for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I enjoyed the twist your sonnet takes when it turns out you like the pumpkin pie after all. I love a good happy ending! And, it gives me hope that maybe one day my son will like some of the things I cook that he won't even try right now. LOL. :) I really enjoyed reading your sonnet! Great work! Thank you for sharing. :)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you! I don't think I tried it till I was a teenager! I didn't try her pecan pie til last year, I'm obviously not a very adventurous eater!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good poem you penned about baking a pie. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with your wording. The colors you used make me think of a golden brown crust on the pie. Best of luck in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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This is a very good poem you penned about baking a pie. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with your wording. The colors you used make me think of a golden brown crust on the pie. Best of luck in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for such a nice review!
