Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Um-umm. Cornfed venison. Much better that that from the acorn mast of the deep woods. Two of my friend have cars in the body shop now. Lots of deer this season.
Just kidding, I don't eat red meat, but it's true about the cars...

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. Yep, nothing like corn-fed venison. We DO eat venison and the corn-fed is far better than the swamp deer.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I really enjoyed this story for the Autumn Feast contest, Anonymous Author.
Your writing is very descriptive and your plot and story line are compelling enough to draw the reader into the story and make them want to learn more about this herd of deer.

I do have one minor suggestion for a line near the beginning of the story, however:
"She glanced back over her shoulder; more sensing more than seeing her companions waiting behind her." ... If I were you, I would omit one of the two words, "more" here, as they both are not needed. I've given you my choice as to which of them I would eliminate in the sentence, but either one would work.

Other than that tiny "nit", I very much enjoyed reading this tail tale.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. Yep, I missed that extra more in there. I try to be careful and not do that. thanks for the catch, I will edit and correct.

reply by Dean Kuch on 05-Nov-2016

You're very welcome.
Best of luck.
~Dean

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Nothing like a real momma to teach, guide, and lead her young'uns.

The lessons that can be instructed are ones the kids better pay attention to.

Well written story depicting this theme.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. I have noticed how one doe will always check things out before the rest come out. those big, brave bucks are most often in the rear somewhere. LOL

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

Just a quick word to start on the presentation / format. It is probably a good idea to stick a clear line or two at the end of your own text otherwise the text runs straight into the site text at the bottom of the page without break. it's not a major thing but just clearly defines the end of the piece more.

I enjoyed this piece and it's a very good take on the competition.

more sensing more than seeing her companions waiting behind her - delete the repetition of 'more' at the beginning of the sentence.

I would suggest going through this again and noting the usages of 'was' and 'were'. these make the piece quite passive and slow down the narrative. Writing around these can make the writing much more immersive.

only the hoot of a night hunting owl - I think night is probably superfluous in this sentence.

The clouds were gone when the old doe - insert a clear line above this sentence to denote the new paragraph.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. I appreciate your reviews as they are always honest and helpful.

Comment from light

Excellent

This is certainly an Autumn feast I have never heard of. Very interesting story. You told it well. Hope you do well in the contest.
Elaine

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. Yep, every year the deer invade the corn fields around here.

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PRESENTATION IN SURVIVAL FOR THE DEER AND HER BEING ABLE TO KEEP THEM SAFE AS LONG AS SHE WAS ALIVE SHE HAD HER DEER PAWS FULL

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. There is an alpha doe in every herd, I have witnessed this often.

reply by country ranch writer on 05-Nov-2016

s m I l e s

Comment from heisemg

Excellent

You paint beautiful images with words. I saw a doe the other day with two yearlings and they were playing and jumping and running. She was watching our house closely as they played, then she put a stop to it. As I was reading your story, I thought of her. However I lack the words to paint that image like you did.
Great work.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. It is fun to watch the deer around here. The little ones are just like kids.

Comment from Tpa

Exceptional

A marvelous story and so well-written. Your descriptions were so vivid and very much poetic that you made this reader feel like I was in the forest. Your work was such a delight that I pulled out my CD of Bambi.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. Ahh, I remember Bambi. I used to cry when i read the story or saw a movie about it. Thank you very much for the six stars.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This is an excellent entry in this "Autumn feast" writing contest. The deer are such a delightful soft hoofed animal, stealthy and graceful, delicate and attractive. I loved this story surrounding an aging deer, concerning herself with the others in her herd. Excellent story, and smoothly written with meaning, well done, good luck in the contest. Blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. I love watching the deer too.

reply by royowen on 05-Nov-2016

Most welcome

Comment from winnona

Excellent

A well-written contest entry. Your story is very realistic, the details in the description of the deer are wonderful. Very well done. Good luck in the contest. Your photo finishes it nicely.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. It needs a little touching up which I will do today. thanks for reading.