Comment from Edgar Holtz

Excellent

Beautiful short story from the viewpoint of nature. Awesome description. Your writing paints vivid imagery in the mind of the reader. The story flows well, with no spags. I like it.

By the way, it is listed as non-fiction. Not sure if that was intentional or not.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016

Thank you. So glad you enjoyed the story.

Comment from KjSilver

Excellent

Interesting perspective. Great visuals. For a moment I felt like a fawn, scrambling clumsily behind the leader.

Written well. I saw no flaws.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016

Thank you. I love to do descriptive writing.

Comment from RPSaxena

Exceptional

Hello Friend,
Lovely piece of General Non-Fiction beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is impressive, and perfectly matching the theme.
Smooth and captivating flow from the beginning to the end.
Minute observation and description of the scenes/situations is noteworthy.
Best of Luck!

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016

Thank you for the six stars and reading and reviewing this for me. I love doing descriptive writing.

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

I love observing animals and deer are one of my favorites. Your story well describes their behavior and body language. I once watched a mother deer teaching her fawn how to jump a low fence. I've never doubted their intelligence, since.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. Yes, deer are very intelligent. We have a farm and I have watched deer for many years, it's a lot of fun.

Comment from amada

Excellent

I just love this story about this old lovely dear. Your descriptions are very poetic and it calls the reader's attention. I am lucky to live where there are deer, yes, they like my cherries. Still, I love them!

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. So glad you enjoyed the story.

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Nice work! I enjoyed your visual imagery in this story. I found a couple of things for your consideration.

She took a tentative step into the open; ears twitching and nostrils quivering as she searched for the slightest sound or scent of danger.--Something about the sentence throws me off. It's almost as if I want the sentence to say 'with her' instead of using the semi-colon. Just a suggestion.

spring fawns leaped and cavorted chasing each other in circles.--Suggest a comma after cavorted.

The young ones didn't know the dangers of a deer's life; particularly humans. -- The semi-colon denotes you have two complete sentences on either side. Suggest a comma instead.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you, and thanks for the tips. I always welcome constructive remarks.

Comment from barleygirl

Exceptional

This is some of the best nature writing I've ever read. I can't believe that you packed in so much sparkling imagery using all the senses & also making it a dynamic vignette in the life of this deer family, but it's such a short piece. This is a good length for the attention span on websites like this. Your writing is poetic, it's so full of fresh interesting imagery. You conveyed a warmth that coaxed the reader into loving this deer family in such a short bit of time.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you, and thanks for the six- star rating. I love to do descriptive writing and nature is the easiest one to do. So glad you liked it. And, yes, I have found the readers like short pieces as compared to long drawn out writings.

Comment from MelB

Excellent

I enjoyed reading about the deer and I was really hoping this wasn't going to be a killed by the hunter story. Great descriptions and imagery.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. Nope, just a simple little story about the deer eating a lot of our corn every year. LOL

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That was simply lovely. You have painted a picture with your words that stand out beautifully. I could see the deer as they went along the forest trail and run over the road to the safety of night and the corn fields. It was a pleasure to read and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. :) Sandra xxx

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. I love writing about animals and nature because one can use great descriptions. It's a lot of fun.

reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 05-Nov-2016

Well, you got my vote, it really was the best one there. I hope you win. :)

Comment from Reedblitzerman

Excellent

You have some nice things going here. There's some great descriptions and a sense of motion. Were you thinking of expanding on this?

[The storm clouds parted, leaving a peephole for the harvest moon] Nice use of language here.

[She took a tentative step into the open; ears twitching and nostrils quivering as she searched for the slightest sound or scent of danger. ] You do a nice job of pulling the reader with you here. I was wondering if she would run into danger, here and in the later paragraphs.

[The cornfield stood before them in shrouded, golden silence. ] Nice use of language here.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

---

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016

Thank you. I love to write about nature because the descriptive phrases come so easily.