Hunted
A grim tale in terza rima41 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
I knew when the vulture was circling, this man was doomed! And....he left witnesses, not good. This is an awesome write, a story in a poem. Reminded me, in atmosphere, of Stephen kings, 'The Gunslinger'...great job Mr. Tony!!!! Blessings...
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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I knew when the vulture was circling, this man was doomed! And....he left witnesses, not good. This is an awesome write, a story in a poem. Reminded me, in atmosphere, of Stephen kings, 'The Gunslinger'...great job Mr. Tony!!!! Blessings...
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Judy, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I am sorry, this deserves a six for rhyme, flow and content.
All being perfectly done and put into a story for us to enjoy.
Very well written and interesting to read. A moral included.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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I am sorry, this deserves a six for rhyme, flow and content.
All being perfectly done and put into a story for us to enjoy.
Very well written and interesting to read. A moral included.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Barb, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from sandy montgomery
I've written a couple of these but none like this. There is a classical feeling here. Epic poetry that endures. Very strong and dark. Perfectly phrased and metered. A well crafted work. Kudos. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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I've written a couple of these but none like this. There is a classical feeling here. Epic poetry that endures. Very strong and dark. Perfectly phrased and metered. A well crafted work. Kudos. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Sandy, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from NSWainwright
I enjoyed reading this interesting story-poem expressed in terza rima. The image of the vulture is striking. I like the way it lets the reader know that the "he" of the poem is fighting a losing battle against death, that "his" end has been set in motion.
The writer has kept to the meter well, with only one line somewhat awkward. The line "with his death warrant autographed" seems to me to need another beat to fit.
The poem might be improved by revising some phrases that are somewhat cliched: e.g. "a grim reminder," "fevered haste," "lost the race," and "hideous grin." The references to Astaroth and Beelzebub sound derivative and perhaps thereby lessen the power of the poem. Unique names might add something--even if the reader was ultimately unable to know for certain whether the names referred to gods, demons, wraiths, the ghosts of men "he" had murdered, or living beings. I'm not sure "shibboleth" is the word you want in the line in which you use it; as I understand it, a shibboleth is an outmoded belief that characterizes a group. That would imply that while the words might have been potent once, they are no longer. Also, "shibboleth" echoes "Astaroth," and the awkwardness is emphasized. Another stanza that might benefit from revision is "Above, to save him, lay the den/ that held the jewel-encrusted key/ (of which he learned by power of Zen). " I assume the key is metaphorical, and I like the image of it as jewel-encrusted in its desirableness; however, the last line, with its derivative "power of Zen," seems to be there really because it rhymes with "den." Bringing in Zen Buddhism out of the blue takes away from the metaphorical key in the line previous. Also, a guy with Zen seems unlikely to be the perpetrator of the violent blood-spilling that sent "him" on this desperate quest to save himself.
Great choice of poetic form for the story you tell; some more revising and perhaps another stanza or two that tells the reader more about "his" specific crime would make it even more effective.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I enjoyed reading this interesting story-poem expressed in terza rima. The image of the vulture is striking. I like the way it lets the reader know that the "he" of the poem is fighting a losing battle against death, that "his" end has been set in motion.
The writer has kept to the meter well, with only one line somewhat awkward. The line "with his death warrant autographed" seems to me to need another beat to fit.
The poem might be improved by revising some phrases that are somewhat cliched: e.g. "a grim reminder," "fevered haste," "lost the race," and "hideous grin." The references to Astaroth and Beelzebub sound derivative and perhaps thereby lessen the power of the poem. Unique names might add something--even if the reader was ultimately unable to know for certain whether the names referred to gods, demons, wraiths, the ghosts of men "he" had murdered, or living beings. I'm not sure "shibboleth" is the word you want in the line in which you use it; as I understand it, a shibboleth is an outmoded belief that characterizes a group. That would imply that while the words might have been potent once, they are no longer. Also, "shibboleth" echoes "Astaroth," and the awkwardness is emphasized. Another stanza that might benefit from revision is "Above, to save him, lay the den/ that held the jewel-encrusted key/ (of which he learned by power of Zen). " I assume the key is metaphorical, and I like the image of it as jewel-encrusted in its desirableness; however, the last line, with its derivative "power of Zen," seems to be there really because it rhymes with "den." Bringing in Zen Buddhism out of the blue takes away from the metaphorical key in the line previous. Also, a guy with Zen seems unlikely to be the perpetrator of the violent blood-spilling that sent "him" on this desperate quest to save himself.
Great choice of poetic form for the story you tell; some more revising and perhaps another stanza or two that tells the reader more about "his" specific crime would make it even more effective.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I'm delighted to receive a review that pinpoints with honesty some of the failings of a piece of work. So many reviews shy away from doing so. I was not aware of the preponderance of cliches in this until you pointed it out. It sometimes takes two pairs of eyes to see the obvious. You have also hit straight to the mark with the line about Zen, which was there, as you saw, more for the sake of a rhyme than for its coherence. Right out of character with the man. I think I shall have to rework that part significantly but do not have time to do so at present.
Comment from Nika2016
This may well be the best poem I have ever read here...a great story with epic features and a form of religious thought foreign, but striking the mind like a gong...I love the soft moth stanza which speaks of false words and false religious beliefs...You are a master wordsmith and a painter of stories...
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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This may well be the best poem I have ever read here...a great story with epic features and a form of religious thought foreign, but striking the mind like a gong...I love the soft moth stanza which speaks of false words and false religious beliefs...You are a master wordsmith and a painter of stories...
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Nika, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your very kind words and six-star award. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from DonandVicki
Your story within a poem reminded me a lot of the style of Edgar Allan Poe. A very solemn poem with dark undertones. Well done as always, Tony.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Your story within a poem reminded me a lot of the style of Edgar Allan Poe. A very solemn poem with dark undertones. Well done as always, Tony.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Don and Vicki, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from krys123
I am totally amazed of you, Tony;
-there is no rating for a poem like this nor should there be one. For it is beyond rating far beyond any type of an evaluation to submit for such a rendering such as this. Beyond the scope of any recognition of which your writing involves values of lusting vanity and total self-indulgence. Even though the prediction of one's faith is at hand in your writing the way you incorporate the man's free-will to make a choice from either wrong or right or bad or good is within his grasp. And here he chooses his own living life over life eternal for his soul.
-The technical aspects of your writing can't inhibit the enjambment from flowing so freely and making it completely understandable throughout the writing without a hiccup or a syntactical break. As I read it thoroughly, more than once, just to unravel the Interscope of a man's free-will and maybe in doing, I just may think, that he will change his mind even though I know it not to be.
-Send will cast them into the evil crevice of hell for eternity as he chooses himself over his men.
-This story encompasses values and even beatitudes and especially man's free-will.
-This should do very well by the way of your reviews is to awaken people up to vote for your poem and make it the top of the list in the contest.
-I'm humble to think that I entered the contest knowing that this is being there in the race along with mine.
-Take care my friend may the Lord be with you and your family.
Alex
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I am totally amazed of you, Tony;
-there is no rating for a poem like this nor should there be one. For it is beyond rating far beyond any type of an evaluation to submit for such a rendering such as this. Beyond the scope of any recognition of which your writing involves values of lusting vanity and total self-indulgence. Even though the prediction of one's faith is at hand in your writing the way you incorporate the man's free-will to make a choice from either wrong or right or bad or good is within his grasp. And here he chooses his own living life over life eternal for his soul.
-The technical aspects of your writing can't inhibit the enjambment from flowing so freely and making it completely understandable throughout the writing without a hiccup or a syntactical break. As I read it thoroughly, more than once, just to unravel the Interscope of a man's free-will and maybe in doing, I just may think, that he will change his mind even though I know it not to be.
-Send will cast them into the evil crevice of hell for eternity as he chooses himself over his men.
-This story encompasses values and even beatitudes and especially man's free-will.
-This should do very well by the way of your reviews is to awaken people up to vote for your poem and make it the top of the list in the contest.
-I'm humble to think that I entered the contest knowing that this is being there in the race along with mine.
-Take care my friend may the Lord be with you and your family.
Alex
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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You sure know how to build a fellow up, Alex! This is a review that I should frame to have by my side whenever I'm feeling that my words are worthless! Thank you both for your kindness and for the six stars.
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You are very kind, Tony, I'm glad you like to review and you are so welcome.
Alex
Comment from nomi338
What a story. It never fails to amaze me how men will risk everything for some crazy story about some magical treasure that is beyond imagining. As the life oozes from their grasp they sadly bemoan the foolishness that led them quickly to death's door, and they sadly recite the ravens cry, "Never more, never more."
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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What a story. It never fails to amaze me how men will risk everything for some crazy story about some magical treasure that is beyond imagining. As the life oozes from their grasp they sadly bemoan the foolishness that led them quickly to death's door, and they sadly recite the ravens cry, "Never more, never more."
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Nomi, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from LIJ Red
from whence he came while others drowned...if I were to suggest any change at all
it would be to state his guilt earlier and more positively, and the treachery of his visions more emphatically, but I get simplistic at times, so ignore that remark.
Excellent story and use of the form.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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from whence he came while others drowned...if I were to suggest any change at all
it would be to state his guilt earlier and more positively, and the treachery of his visions more emphatically, but I get simplistic at times, so ignore that remark.
Excellent story and use of the form.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Red, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your comments and words of advice. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was excellent. The rhyme was natural. This flowed easily as I read it. And I thought the story was a powerful one that was told in a unique way. Great job.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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I thought this was excellent. The rhyme was natural. This flowed easily as I read it. And I thought the story was a powerful one that was told in a unique way. Great job.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Michael, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
