Hunted
A grim tale in terza rima41 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
This is such a perfectly perfected pieced poem. It is so ver fantastic and superbly mastered and I am serious. Way to go. You are the bomb.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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This is such a perfectly perfected pieced poem. It is so ver fantastic and superbly mastered and I am serious. Way to go. You are the bomb.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Angie, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from ronnie k
This poem is so beautifully detailed that the journey involved me, I truly was impatient in discovering the victory, but your great write would not let, read me "one line at a time" Thank you
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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This poem is so beautifully detailed that the journey involved me, I truly was impatient in discovering the victory, but your great write would not let, read me "one line at a time" Thank you
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Ronnie, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
I think this must be the longest and possibly the finest terza rima I have read on this site. I have never read Dante, and anyway he wasn't a member here.
Joking aside this is a great tale that leaves us with only the bare bones of the original tragedy for us to guess at. This is a marvelous way of telling an adventure story with the vulture looming like nemesis over the scene of the crime.
Absolutely faultless form where even "malevolently" boils down seamlessly into the iambic rhythm despite its five written syllables.
This is a masterpiece.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I think this must be the longest and possibly the finest terza rima I have read on this site. I have never read Dante, and anyway he wasn't a member here.
Joking aside this is a great tale that leaves us with only the bare bones of the original tragedy for us to guess at. This is a marvelous way of telling an adventure story with the vulture looming like nemesis over the scene of the crime.
Absolutely faultless form where even "malevolently" boils down seamlessly into the iambic rhythm despite its five written syllables.
This is a masterpiece.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thanks for this positive review, Jim. I've had a few misgivings about this one. A few too many cliches perhaps. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the six stars.
I don't think I got past half a dozen verses of Dante's Inferno before putting it to one side to read later. That was a good few years ago now.
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Later is probably the best time to read it.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Tony, beautifully penned and a eerie too! Loved the format, it worked well for this story poem to keep the flow going smoothly. Exceptional write my friend.
Thanks for sharing.
m
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Dear Tony, beautifully penned and a eerie too! Loved the format, it worked well for this story poem to keep the flow going smoothly. Exceptional write my friend.
Thanks for sharing.
m
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, Moreen. I'm always elated when I write something that strikes a chord with you. Six most treasured stars!
Comment from William Ross
Excellent, well done on the terza rima form, great rhyming with good meter, reads and flows great. a good story in poetic form on hunted. good luck on this and have a great day
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Excellent, well done on the terza rima form, great rhyming with good meter, reads and flows great. a good story in poetic form on hunted. good luck on this and have a great day
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, William, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Jackarrie
The Terza Rima form is a brilliant choice for your well written poem. It deserves a six no doubt.
The vulture landed in a tree.
It held its grip with wrinkled claw
and eyed his heart malevolently.
The image is a perfect match for your exceptional poem
Mary
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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The Terza Rima form is a brilliant choice for your well written poem. It deserves a six no doubt.
The vulture landed in a tree.
It held its grip with wrinkled claw
and eyed his heart malevolently.
The image is a perfect match for your exceptional poem
Mary
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Mary, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your kind words and six-star award. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rjuselius
i know this is a fixed form and i should respect it as it is but the rhyme seems forced, well not forced but out of place. when you read it, it does'nt flow so nicely. but as i said it's my way of looking at it and i am sure everyone else disagrees.
the poem itself is an interesting take on the contest, very compelling.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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i know this is a fixed form and i should respect it as it is but the rhyme seems forced, well not forced but out of place. when you read it, it does'nt flow so nicely. but as i said it's my way of looking at it and i am sure everyone else disagrees.
the poem itself is an interesting take on the contest, very compelling.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Rebekka, for reviewing my Terza Rima poem, "Hunted". I appreciate your comments about the rhyme scheme. It does take a little coming to terms with. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
This is such a musical form and suits your style well. This has a potent message delivered deftly and lucidly with lots of rich nuances.
A story-poem with flowing pacing and fine enjambment punctuated by tons of inventive rhymes and superb phonetics in phrasing (not listing all nuances as there are too many--but you know I notice each one and *applaud*--I'll just note my favorites)
NOTES
A few optional in-line comma suggestions:
as(,) rock by rock(,) this barren land
tore blistered feet and made them bleed.
At length(,) he reached the higher ground,(no ,)
and turned his gaze across the sea
Scansion forced in this line but poetic license permits it:
and eyed his heart malevolently.
Then(,) far below, upon the shore,
*scansion off here:
being dragged, as he had done before,
maybe try:
dragged off they way he'd done before
AWESOME RHYMING HERE:
by two dark shapes, one fore, one aft,
his nemesis, he was pursued,
with his death warrant autographed.
and superb echo of ASP that sounds similar to the previous stanza's end line b plus fantastic rhymes and alliteration of F:
He grasped the rocks, his flight renewed,
and climbed again with fevered haste.
His safety lay in altitude.
For many weeks(,) these wraiths had chased
of blood that stains the victor's gown,(--)
that crimson guilt of mighty men
LOVE THIS STANZA:
Above, to save him, lay the den
that held the jewel-encrusted key
(of which he learned by power of Zen)
*scansion a bit forced on the rhyme here:
in hope to reach this sanctuary
AWESOME INVENTIVE RHYMING in these four lines:
before the shades who sought his death
should gain more ground and close the gap, Great alliteration of G
and then pronounce their shibboleth,
...
Beelzebub and Astaroth
Superb medley of W sounds:
have arts with which to weave and wrap
eloquent:
their lies within a monkish cloth
to seem like truth. Each sleight of tongue
corrupts, as does the soft-winged moth.
*
of which the ancient seers had sung(,)
but there he found he'd lost the race.
potent stanza:
The hope that(,) in his mind(,) he'd built
to finally escape the Fates,
dissolved as did the blood he'd spilt.
When faced head-on by desperate straits
he'd made the choice to save his skin,(no ,)
and saved himself by drowning mates.
pitch perfect closing couplet:
Death now loomed, its hideous grin
the final price for his foul sin.
Almost a six, but I have none left and those off-scansion lines would prevent me from one, anyway. The commas are optional, but I highly recommend them since this is written with a subtle prose-style in a tale-telling manner.
A super strong entry for the contest. Good luck!
Imaginative entry! Enjoyed your finesse in writing it...
Warm regards,
rd
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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This is such a musical form and suits your style well. This has a potent message delivered deftly and lucidly with lots of rich nuances.
A story-poem with flowing pacing and fine enjambment punctuated by tons of inventive rhymes and superb phonetics in phrasing (not listing all nuances as there are too many--but you know I notice each one and *applaud*--I'll just note my favorites)
NOTES
A few optional in-line comma suggestions:
as(,) rock by rock(,) this barren land
tore blistered feet and made them bleed.
At length(,) he reached the higher ground,(no ,)
and turned his gaze across the sea
Scansion forced in this line but poetic license permits it:
and eyed his heart malevolently.
Then(,) far below, upon the shore,
*scansion off here:
being dragged, as he had done before,
maybe try:
dragged off they way he'd done before
AWESOME RHYMING HERE:
by two dark shapes, one fore, one aft,
his nemesis, he was pursued,
with his death warrant autographed.
and superb echo of ASP that sounds similar to the previous stanza's end line b plus fantastic rhymes and alliteration of F:
He grasped the rocks, his flight renewed,
and climbed again with fevered haste.
His safety lay in altitude.
For many weeks(,) these wraiths had chased
of blood that stains the victor's gown,(--)
that crimson guilt of mighty men
LOVE THIS STANZA:
Above, to save him, lay the den
that held the jewel-encrusted key
(of which he learned by power of Zen)
*scansion a bit forced on the rhyme here:
in hope to reach this sanctuary
AWESOME INVENTIVE RHYMING in these four lines:
before the shades who sought his death
should gain more ground and close the gap, Great alliteration of G
and then pronounce their shibboleth,
...
Beelzebub and Astaroth
Superb medley of W sounds:
have arts with which to weave and wrap
eloquent:
their lies within a monkish cloth
to seem like truth. Each sleight of tongue
corrupts, as does the soft-winged moth.
*
of which the ancient seers had sung(,)
but there he found he'd lost the race.
potent stanza:
The hope that(,) in his mind(,) he'd built
to finally escape the Fates,
dissolved as did the blood he'd spilt.
When faced head-on by desperate straits
he'd made the choice to save his skin,(no ,)
and saved himself by drowning mates.
pitch perfect closing couplet:
Death now loomed, its hideous grin
the final price for his foul sin.
Almost a six, but I have none left and those off-scansion lines would prevent me from one, anyway. The commas are optional, but I highly recommend them since this is written with a subtle prose-style in a tale-telling manner.
A super strong entry for the contest. Good luck!
Imaginative entry! Enjoyed your finesse in writing it...
Warm regards,
rd
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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As always, your review is both positive and incisive. I can only agree that the suggested comma placements all enhance the pacing of this poem when it is read aloud.
I cannot quite imagine how I let that one line through, so far off with its scansion! I have now re-worded it to read "dragged up the beach, as his before," which retains the sense of the original.
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Great job on the edit. Thanks for your gracious response, dear friend.
Warmest Smiles, rd
Comment from Dean Kuch
I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite episodes from the HBO series, "Tales From the Crypt", as I read this chilling, well composed Terza Rima, Tony. Although yours ended on a much more positive note than did the episode I've mentioned, the theme was reminiscent mainly because of the carrion creature involved--a buzzard, or vulture.
Excellent poem!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite episodes from the HBO series, "Tales From the Crypt", as I read this chilling, well composed Terza Rima, Tony. Although yours ended on a much more positive note than did the episode I've mentioned, the theme was reminiscent mainly because of the carrion creature involved--a buzzard, or vulture.
Excellent poem!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks, Dean. I always appreciate your reviews and the comments that you make. You are a great builder of confidence! Tony
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It's always a pleasure, Tony, and you are more than welcome.
Enjoy your Sunday.
~Dean
Comment from Mastery
Hey, tony. this is quite a story. Your rhymes are gold and the story pulls the reader in very well. I liked this stanza the best:
"their lies within a monkish cloth
to seem like truth. Each sleight of tongue
corrupts, as does the soft-winged moth."
I've read quite a few of these entries and yours could very well be in the winner's circle, my friend. Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Hey, tony. this is quite a story. Your rhymes are gold and the story pulls the reader in very well. I liked this stanza the best:
"their lies within a monkish cloth
to seem like truth. Each sleight of tongue
corrupts, as does the soft-winged moth."
I've read quite a few of these entries and yours could very well be in the winner's circle, my friend. Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 02-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
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Very many thanks for your kind words here, Bob. I'm glad you enjoyed the tale, despite a possible overabundance of cliches! You picked out the lines that I was most satisfied with, so that was most affirming. I do remember, though, being advised once to read through my work and to remove all the bits that I felt most pleased about, as they were bound to be over-written! LOL
