Deadly Finds
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "No Place to Hide"Strange objects can be deadly.
9 total reviews
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Okay so now he'd caught, what next? I don't think they will believe a metal ball was telling him to do it. And now it's gone. Finally found something to do it in. Holy Water, too bad he didn't know that before. Well done, looking forward to the next chapter. Rox
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2019
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Okay so now he'd caught, what next? I don't think they will believe a metal ball was telling him to do it. And now it's gone. Finally found something to do it in. Holy Water, too bad he didn't know that before. Well done, looking forward to the next chapter. Rox
Comment Written 17-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review. I'm glad you're enjoying my story. He could've saved quite a few lives if he'd known. You're right they wouldn't buy his excuse. Guess his goose is cooked.
Thank you again for all your help and support. It means a great deal to me, take care.
Comment from royowen
It looks like Poor old Jack has been captured, will he escape? And will the ball reappear. Of course believers are baptised in water, as an act of cleansing sin. Mary Palmer seems to have won the verbal battle, we'll done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Wooden barrier to(o)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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It looks like Poor old Jack has been captured, will he escape? And will the ball reappear. Of course believers are baptised in water, as an act of cleansing sin. Mary Palmer seems to have won the verbal battle, we'll done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Wooden barrier to(o)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for reading the chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Jack is hot water that's for sure and explaining why he did what he did will probably make things worse. Hopefully, he's managed to destroy the ball, keep it from happening to anyone else.
Thank you again for all your help, support, friendship, and catching my mistake. It's always appreciated, take care.
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Well done
Comment from Janilou
A very interesting chapter.
A few things for you to consider:
"A little too quick if you ask me." Mary walks towards the captain. Knowing there's animosity between them, she practiced what she was going to say. She hoped her speech will curb his hostility. at least for the remainder of this case.
It appears that you change tense in this paragraph. I suggest:
"A little too quick if you ask me." Mary walks towards the captain. Knowing there's animosity between them, she practices what she is going to say. She hopes her speech will curb his hostility. at least for the remainder of this case.
His face turns a crimson red. ("I ) have you know my department is running better now than it has in years."
Should read "I'll have you know...
Poor Jack. Who is ever going to believe him? Glad he got rid of the evil ball thingie. At least I hope he did!
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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A very interesting chapter.
A few things for you to consider:
"A little too quick if you ask me." Mary walks towards the captain. Knowing there's animosity between them, she practiced what she was going to say. She hoped her speech will curb his hostility. at least for the remainder of this case.
It appears that you change tense in this paragraph. I suggest:
"A little too quick if you ask me." Mary walks towards the captain. Knowing there's animosity between them, she practices what she is going to say. She hopes her speech will curb his hostility. at least for the remainder of this case.
His face turns a crimson red. ("I ) have you know my department is running better now than it has in years."
Should read "I'll have you know...
Poor Jack. Who is ever going to believe him? Glad he got rid of the evil ball thingie. At least I hope he did!
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for your helpful review. I went back and changed what you suggested. You're right, no one is going to believe him but at least the demonic object can't hurt anyone else, or can it?
Thank you again for taking the time to read my chapter and for pointing out my mistakes. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I guess the devil ball couldn't handle holy water. I'm glad it's gone. Will the police shoot an unarmed man with his hands in the air? It might be better than living with the guilt. He doesn't seem like someone who would do well in jail. In that jab about the soaring crime rate, check your spelling of 'soaring.'
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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I guess the devil ball couldn't handle holy water. I'm glad it's gone. Will the police shoot an unarmed man with his hands in the air? It might be better than living with the guilt. He doesn't seem like someone who would do well in jail. In that jab about the soaring crime rate, check your spelling of 'soaring.'
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you for your kind review and for catching my mistake. Jack wouldn't fair well behind bars, but if they tell his story he might end up in a mental institution instead. Who in their right mind is going to believe a ball made him do it?
Thank you again for your great review and for catching my error. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Mistydawn, this is a very good continuation of the story so far. Looks like Jack has no place to hide. Poor Jack has no control over his bladder brought on by the drip, drip of the leaky pipe. Wonder what type of clothes he changed into being in a church. This is a chapter filled with dialogue and I enjoyed the altercations between the officers.
Look forward to your next chapter.
Best
Sylvia
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Mistydawn, this is a very good continuation of the story so far. Looks like Jack has no place to hide. Poor Jack has no control over his bladder brought on by the drip, drip of the leaky pipe. Wonder what type of clothes he changed into being in a church. This is a chapter filled with dialogue and I enjoyed the altercations between the officers.
Look forward to your next chapter.
Best
Sylvia
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it. The drippy pipe idea came from my fish tank and me having to go, lol.
Thank you again for reading my story. Your support is always appreciated, take care.
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My pleasure
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Mistydawn. That was a good continuation of the story. The writing of the story is done well, and I also enjoy the dialogue and interaction of the characters. I can't wait to read the rest, keep it coming.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Hello Mistydawn. That was a good continuation of the story. The writing of the story is done well, and I also enjoy the dialogue and interaction of the characters. I can't wait to read the rest, keep it coming.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my chapter, and your wonderful praise, It's nice to know you're enjoying the story.
Thank you again for your continued support it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Lu Saluna
The story is really good. They are closing in on poor Jack and he is getting panicky and of course beginning to act erratic. But after, "I saw Jack in a nun outfit a few minutes ago." the dialogue gets a little confusing. There are a lot of characters and I am losing track a little. Perhaps add some of the names of who is talking. I am also lost as to who is the Captain now. Instead of "Jerry sees the captain on the phone...
Perhaps "Jerry sees Captain (name) on the phone...." then we know who you are talking about.
And then is it Jerry who found out something or Rachel at the end? Or do they both have information to exchange?
Just need to clarify who is talking to who. Otherwise the story and plot is really great.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2016
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The story is really good. They are closing in on poor Jack and he is getting panicky and of course beginning to act erratic. But after, "I saw Jack in a nun outfit a few minutes ago." the dialogue gets a little confusing. There are a lot of characters and I am losing track a little. Perhaps add some of the names of who is talking. I am also lost as to who is the Captain now. Instead of "Jerry sees the captain on the phone...
Perhaps "Jerry sees Captain (name) on the phone...." then we know who you are talking about.
And then is it Jerry who found out something or Rachel at the end? Or do they both have information to exchange?
Just need to clarify who is talking to who. Otherwise the story and plot is really great.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2016
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I'm so glad to see your back. I thought I'd lost your interest. Something I'm trying hard not to do.
You should see what poor Jack does next in his attemtp to escape the law lol.
I'm sorry you were confused. I've went back and added a few names hoping that'd help. I'll give you a quick run down maybe that'll help too. Kirk is a detective hasn't been one for long. Jerry is an old detective was a sergeant until he had health issues. Rachel is a sergeant taking over after Jerry stepped down. She's also Joe's wife they have two kids. She's now suspended because of her mouth, her attituded. She gets mouthy with me when I write something she don't like. But She's still one of my favorites. Then there's Joe he's the captain. Jen is jack's girlfriend. Ryan was Jacks friend but jack was forced to kill him. Bill is a rookie who found the demonic object in the water. I think that takes care of them. I hope this and the rewrite helps with your confusion. If not please let me know, ok.
Thank you for your great review and for sticking with me. talk to you soon, take care.
Comment from anl2
I really liked your story it was really interesting. I get what you are trying to do with the skipping from person to person before they connect, but maybe try to put a little more before switching. Maybe try to add a little action to break up the dialog. I really liked it good luck!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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I really liked your story it was really interesting. I get what you are trying to do with the skipping from person to person before they connect, but maybe try to put a little more before switching. Maybe try to add a little action to break up the dialog. I really liked it good luck!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the great review. I've added a little description like you suggested. Description is something I really need to work on. Thanks again for the great review. Take care and happy reading.
Comment from CEO2020
Interesting chapter dominated with dialogue. I found this piece of dialogue to be very humorous.
"I could go to a church pretending to be a nun. What if someone recognizes me and calls the police? No one recognized me before, besides, I don't think they can arrest me in a church, can they? I'm sure they'd be waiting for me to step out the door if they can't. That'd mean I'd be stuck in the church for the rest of my life or until I gave up. Maybe if I tell them what really happened they'd go lighter on me? Yeah right, If I tell them that a demonic object is making me kill people they'd probably lock me up in a loony bin. That's it, that's what I'll do."
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Interesting chapter dominated with dialogue. I found this piece of dialogue to be very humorous.
"I could go to a church pretending to be a nun. What if someone recognizes me and calls the police? No one recognized me before, besides, I don't think they can arrest me in a church, can they? I'm sure they'd be waiting for me to step out the door if they can't. That'd mean I'd be stuck in the church for the rest of my life or until I gave up. Maybe if I tell them what really happened they'd go lighter on me? Yeah right, If I tell them that a demonic object is making me kill people they'd probably lock me up in a loony bin. That's it, that's what I'll do."
Comment Written 01-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the great review I'm glad I could add a little humor to your day,. I often have a problem with to much dialogue and to little description. Thanks to my long winded characters, lol. I'ill work on adding more details to the story that is if I can get my charters to hush lol. Thanks again for your wonderful review. Take care and happy reading.
