From out of the Grayness
Viewing comments for Chapter 61 "The Rains Shall Come"Reaching from the gray areas to understand life
13 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Vance,
Love the title. It intrigued and drew me in.
Love how you build the poem to a crescendo and love the final line.
We must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us ... yes. Psalm 119 - All things are his servant.
Belated new year wishes.
Popping in to say hello.
Sonali :)
Who cherish and respect (its ... apostrophe not required) gifts
Making (its ... ditto) purposes seem h
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Hello Vance,
Love the title. It intrigued and drew me in.
Love how you build the poem to a crescendo and love the final line.
We must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us ... yes. Psalm 119 - All things are his servant.
Belated new year wishes.
Popping in to say hello.
Sonali :)
Who cherish and respect (its ... apostrophe not required) gifts
Making (its ... ditto) purposes seem h
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much Selina, for this very kind and encouraging review! Always a delight to hear from you! Vance
Comment from Spitfire
You make the reader see the dual nature of rain-- to service or to destroy Earth. I too believe there is a purpose even in the wreckage of homes and cities. For one thing, disaster brings out the best in us when it comes to helping others less fortunate.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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You make the reader see the dual nature of rain-- to service or to destroy Earth. I too believe there is a purpose even in the wreckage of homes and cities. For one thing, disaster brings out the best in us when it comes to helping others less fortunate.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thanks so much Shari for such a kind review! Sorry to be so late to reply as I'm not around often these days on FS. but will keep in touch. All the best always! Vance
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. We often sigh when it's hot and dry. When the rain comes we complain it is too much. God knows better we should accept His gifts.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016
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A very well-written poem. We often sigh when it's hot and dry. When the rain comes we complain it is too much. God knows better we should accept His gifts.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much Sandra, for your kind review and encouragement! All the best to you and I will be looking for your next work as well! Vance
Comment from Grasshopper2
I enjoyed reading this, sir Vance. I found your posting once again inspirational. Your words are phonetic and resonant and offer vivid imagery with nice alliterations. This is an excellent closing for your poem.
"We must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us."
Michael
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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I enjoyed reading this, sir Vance. I found your posting once again inspirational. Your words are phonetic and resonant and offer vivid imagery with nice alliterations. This is an excellent closing for your poem.
"We must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us."
Michael
Comment Written 24-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thanks so much Michael and have edited and reposted, hopefully precise to your very wise and helpful comments. VERY SINCERELY,MUCH APPRECIATED! Vance
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I edited my comments and upped the poem to the five-stars it deserved.
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Thanks so much Michael, for your kind reply and positive outcomes! Stay close! always glad to hear from you, Vance
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Thanks Michael....MUCH APPRECIATED! Vance
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Good edit. I wonder why there is an end-line comma in line two but nowhere else. Personally, I think this poem would read more fluidly if you use end-line commas where appropriate, since there is so much enjambment.
Out of friendship, and because I know you're receptive to it, Im gong to take the liberty to offer an example edit of the full poem (with an aim to smoother enjambment--and with using not all caps but sentence style caps) so you can compare and decide:
And the warm tears of God
shall cleanse the leaves of grass,
the leaves and limbs of trees.
Gardens shall flourish in glory,
rivers and streams shall flow
and service HIS earth with ease.
It shall quench the thirst of all
who cherish and respect it's gifts,
cooling and refreshing the winds
as it washes over mountains and cliffs.
Yet, sometimes, it may stay much too long,
and its glory may be turned into shame
as flooding takes lives and wrecks cities,
making it's purposes seem harmful and wrong.
But, make no mistake, by knowing God gave it purpose
(of which not all may be understood by mankind).
So, as lightning and thunder send us running for cover,
we must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us.
By the way, I LOVE the slant rhyme pair of cliffs and gifts
First review (FOUR stars)
Enjoyed this, dear Vance. Elevated and inspirational. Deliciously phonetic and resonant. Great imagery, tone and pacing. There are issues in spag, but nothing too drastic. The punctuation suggestions are optional, but the two glaring spag (pluralization of verb and the word IN changing the meaning--see notes below) are the main reason for the four.
NOTES
Nice alliteration of G:
Gardens shall flourish in glory
Nice medley of S sounds:
Rivers and streams shall flow
And service HIS earth with ease
Loved reading this stanza aloud with all the S sounds plus Q-C, alliterated R and W and the tone of elevated observations:
It shall quench the thirst of all
Who cherish and respect it's gifts
Cooling and refreshing the winds
As it washes over mountains and cliffs
Good dramatic pivot here (note one optional suggestion):
Yet(,) sometimes(,) it may stay much too long
And its glory may be turned into shame
As flooding takes lives and wrecks cities
Making it's purposes seem harmful and wrong
But(,) make no mistake(,) in(BY not IN) knowing God gave it purpose
Of which,(no ,) not all may be understood by mankind
So(,) as lightning and thunder sends(send - it's plural) us running for cover
With edits:
But, make no mistake, by knowing God gave it purpose
Of which not all may be understood by mankind
So, as lightning and thunder send us running for cover
LOVE THIS CLOSING
We must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us
Happy to upgrade if you fix those two glaring spag and I am certain you will also consider the other suggestions.
Infinite love, light and blessings,
rd
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Second review
Good edit. I wonder why there is an end-line comma in line two but nowhere else. Personally, I think this poem would read more fluidly if you use end-line commas where appropriate, since there is so much enjambment.
Out of friendship, and because I know you're receptive to it, Im gong to take the liberty to offer an example edit of the full poem (with an aim to smoother enjambment--and with using not all caps but sentence style caps) so you can compare and decide:
And the warm tears of God
shall cleanse the leaves of grass,
the leaves and limbs of trees.
Gardens shall flourish in glory,
rivers and streams shall flow
and service HIS earth with ease.
It shall quench the thirst of all
who cherish and respect it's gifts,
cooling and refreshing the winds
as it washes over mountains and cliffs.
Yet, sometimes, it may stay much too long,
and its glory may be turned into shame
as flooding takes lives and wrecks cities,
making it's purposes seem harmful and wrong.
But, make no mistake, by knowing God gave it purpose
(of which not all may be understood by mankind).
So, as lightning and thunder send us running for cover,
we must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us.
By the way, I LOVE the slant rhyme pair of cliffs and gifts
First review (FOUR stars)
Enjoyed this, dear Vance. Elevated and inspirational. Deliciously phonetic and resonant. Great imagery, tone and pacing. There are issues in spag, but nothing too drastic. The punctuation suggestions are optional, but the two glaring spag (pluralization of verb and the word IN changing the meaning--see notes below) are the main reason for the four.
NOTES
Nice alliteration of G:
Gardens shall flourish in glory
Nice medley of S sounds:
Rivers and streams shall flow
And service HIS earth with ease
Loved reading this stanza aloud with all the S sounds plus Q-C, alliterated R and W and the tone of elevated observations:
It shall quench the thirst of all
Who cherish and respect it's gifts
Cooling and refreshing the winds
As it washes over mountains and cliffs
Good dramatic pivot here (note one optional suggestion):
Yet(,) sometimes(,) it may stay much too long
And its glory may be turned into shame
As flooding takes lives and wrecks cities
Making it's purposes seem harmful and wrong
But(,) make no mistake(,) in(BY not IN) knowing God gave it purpose
Of which,(no ,) not all may be understood by mankind
So(,) as lightning and thunder sends(send - it's plural) us running for cover
With edits:
But, make no mistake, by knowing God gave it purpose
Of which not all may be understood by mankind
So, as lightning and thunder send us running for cover
LOVE THIS CLOSING
We must give thanks for how all God's wonders serve us
Happy to upgrade if you fix those two glaring spag and I am certain you will also consider the other suggestions.
Infinite love, light and blessings,
rd
Comment Written 24-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thanks so much rama for your very kind review and helpful recommendations. I just made some other suggested fixes and re-posted so thanks again for your help....always appreciated! Vance
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Happy to help dear Vance. Thanks for your kind reply. Will make a second review in a moment...Love, rd
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made an extensive second review plus upgraded.
Comment from tfawcus
People always seem to be complaining that there is too much rain or too little rain. However, the balance of nature is achieved by a hand mightier than ours. It's a good thing that mankind doesn't have a great deal of control in this matter!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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People always seem to be complaining that there is too much rain or too little rain. However, the balance of nature is achieved by a hand mightier than ours. It's a good thing that mankind doesn't have a great deal of control in this matter!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thanks so much brother Tony, Your feedback is always a gift and an honor! Vance
Comment from Irish Rain
Amen Mr.Vance!!! Love this. God's time is not ours, and we can't see the big picture without standing on His mountain. We can only see what's here in our valley. Everything is eventually turned to the good, even death. Beautiful poem!!!! Blessings!!!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Amen Mr.Vance!!! Love this. God's time is not ours, and we can't see the big picture without standing on His mountain. We can only see what's here in our valley. Everything is eventually turned to the good, even death. Beautiful poem!!!! Blessings!!!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thanks so much Irish Rain, for your wonderful review and generous stars. I'm so delighted that you enjoyed this work and as always, great to hear from you! Vance
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Enjoyed this immensely!!!
Comment from foxangie123
Yes they shall. I love the picture as well as the wonderful artist you used. I so enjoyed how you incorporated His Almighty cleansing into this awesome poem.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Yes they shall. I love the picture as well as the wonderful artist you used. I so enjoyed how you incorporated His Almighty cleansing into this awesome poem.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thank you foxangie, for your wonderful review and I'm delighted that you enjoyed this work! Blessings always. Vance
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Farmers live and die by the rain. Crops depend on just enough rain and just enough sun. Too little or too much of either and there is no harvest.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Farmers live and die by the rain. Crops depend on just enough rain and just enough sun. Too little or too much of either and there is no harvest.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thank you Thomas, for your kind review and message and INDEED, you are right as most of my family has been engaged in farming and I WELL KNOW, the rain is of deep consideration in many ways, but the end results are to be accepted as the will of GOD...for those who choose to accept it Best wishes and thanks again. HIS GRAYNESS
Comment from Teri7
I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem. God does have a purpose in everything He does and it is hard for us to understand at times. Very good wording and imagery. Teri
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem. God does have a purpose in everything He does and it is hard for us to understand at times. Very good wording and imagery. Teri
Comment Written 23-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2016
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Thank you Ten7 , for your very kind and generous review. It is indeed very much appreciated and I'm delighted to meet you. All the best and stay tuned. I shall also come around to visit you as well. HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
