Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Excellent personification in the first two lines. Superb word economy. Superb medley of S sounds (and soft C too) for phonetic resonance read aloud as well as R and N. The consonance of C in creeping and across are a fine counterpoint, phonetically to all the S sounds...anchoring the tone, so to speak. musical texture in a three liner is not easy to achieve. BRAVO!

Good flow and enjambment in first two lines, though I have heard it is not optimal to use a gerund in haiku (I do it all the time, however).

Perfect satori:
sailor's nightmare

Good luck! A contender for my vote...

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

I often wonder if we are talking about the same poem. You get so much more out of them then I can imagine. You have taught me well sire. We were hit by a rogue wave one night crossing the Gulf Stream. I thought it was a bomb or freighter we had hit. The side cupboards opened and white maps and papers flew out, In the confusion I thought it was water coming in, Yikes, Thanks for your wonderfully insightful and encouraging review, cheers, j

reply by rama devi on 25-Oct-2016

My pleasure. I voted for yours! I'm not a sir, by the way...a female! :-)) hee hee...so many people assume I am male when reading my poetry and reviews....but see the photo...not a man!

But I do confess i was a Tom Boy as a preteen...with four brothers, one a twin...

Warmly, rd

reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Oh, I know that you are a beautiful woman, I love your photo. In Zanzibar, I joke with the rastas and call them sire, not sir, just an old fashioned, royal joking around. I emphasize the s, like yessss, ssire all breathless, never gets old. People sometimes think that I am a guy too and not online, but in person. I tell them, like a petulant child.... I am a GIRL! Ha ha, it's a trans world.

reply by rama devi on 25-Oct-2016

Aw, thanks. I like the tone of Sire. A royal flavor! Indeed...but in my youth, transgender was still taboo. :)

reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Not that you have a choice in looks or love. Now that I think about it, transgender people have been around forever, we just didn't realize. These days we want to pigeon hole and label everyone. Chacun a son gout. Namaste, j

reply by rama devi on 25-Oct-2016

:-)))

Namaste!

Comment from Liberty Justice

Excellent

Whoa such creepy scary taunting waves.Powerful hand of waves swipe at ships. Poet describes actions really well. Good Luck in contest I just viewed. liberty justice

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review. These waves are very scary especially at night. We were hit by one in the Atlantic, at night and I thought we had hit a freighter. The side cupboards opened and white papers flew out, I thought it was water coming in, yikes, cheers,j

reply by Liberty Justice on 25-Oct-2016

What were you doing in
Atlantic Ocean?

reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Catching rogue waves, ha ha, I was first mate and cook on a charter sailboat and we would cross the Gulf Stream from Miami or Key Largo to Bimini. One or two week trips, sailing the islands and gambling in Nassau. I just wrote a short story about one of our trips, cheers, j

reply by Liberty Justice on 25-Oct-2016

I love your political stories. These are excellent. Fairy fairy fairy. I want my fairies right now, Dan. You've addicted me to these little cute creatures. lol liberty justice

reply by Liberty Justice on 25-Oct-2016

WOW! After contest, please tell me who you are. I viewed the contest. Good luck! liberty justice

Comment from pharp

Excellent

Mystery Poet,

Excellent job in the penning of this Haiku. Your haiku speaks volume with very few words used of the danger of a sailor when confronted with a raging storm while at sea. Perfect Haiku, didn't need the artwork to get the message across. Thanks for sharing and the very best to you I the contest. Blessings.......Portia

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review. These rogue waves are very scary, especially at night. We were hit by one and I thought we had hit a freighter. Cheers, j

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello,

Good connection between line one and two, less than 17 syllables, good metaphor with sailor's nightmare.

Nice haiku. It's in compliance with all the contest rules. Well done.

gypsy

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review sweetie, we were hit by one in the Atlantic and I thought we had hit a freighter. The side cupboards opened and all these white papers flew out, I thought water was coming in, yikes, Cheers, j

Comment from angel123

Excellent

Wow! great poem well written. I love your artwork choice. It brings your poem to life. It flows well and your message is clear.

Angel123

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review,These waves are very dangerous.We were hit by one in the Atlantic and I thought we had hit a freighter. Cheers, j

Comment from rjuselius

Excellent

indeed. i think rogue waves are also called walls of water. i can imagine it. very nicely presented and an interesting topic, i nearly wrote about it myself.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review. We were hit by one crossing the gulf stream at night and I thought we had hit a frieghter. The side cupboards below sprung open and white paper flew out. I thought it was water coming in. Yikes..... see you at the finish line. cheers, j

Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko

Excellent

The objective correlative of the poem reminisces destructive waves as constituting one of the greatest challenges of the sailor.The work earns its texture from the use of personification.Excellent work! Bravo!

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review. Those rogue waves are very scary, the ocean becomes eerily calm before it hits, when it hits at night it is like a bomb, so sudden and powerful. It gets bigger and bigger as it gobbles up waves until it is incredibly high. Cheers, j

reply by Lloyd T. Okoko on 23-Oct-2016

Remain Blessed!

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

This is a fine entry for the contest
written with 5-7-5 syllables
solid imagery with the wave and its movement
And a good satori comment about sailor's nightmare
I would remove both the comma and the period
for better haiku form
Excellent art work
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review and advice, I will remove them, We were hit by a rogue waves once and I thought we had hit a freighter, scary. Have a wonderful Sunday, cheers, j

reply by rspoet on 23-Oct-2016

If you want to tighten up the haiku form a bit more, I would also remove the "a" in line three.
You could also consider an em dash after ocean. Good luck.

reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks again, is it okay if I am short one syllable removing the a? cheers, j

reply by rspoet on 23-Oct-2016

The prompt says 17 syllables or LESS, so you're fine with four in line three. I'd put 5-7-4 in the top description so reviewer know. There are a few reviewers who don't look at the prompt or erroneously think all haiku must be 5-7-5, so it's your choice. As a haiku, it is better without the "a" but read it both ways and choose the one you like best.

reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

I tried a few one syllable words before sailor, this,one,a and I prefer your idea, Thanks so much for your advice and input, cheers, judester

Comment from Ryn

Excellent

Not an easy poem to write. I give you credit for making it work. Few words and I get it. In general great job. Like your choice of artwork.

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks for the review. We were hit by a rogue wave once and I thought we had hit a freighter, scary. The side cupboards flew open and all the white paper flew out, I thought it was water coming in! Cheers, have a rogueless Sunday, j