Haunt Me Sweetly
When you're born into the wrong family27 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
This, Maria, is a very interesting and unique haunted house story. I love your concept of a family of haunted houses, although I do not know how they communicate with one another. Telepathy? You took the cliché of a haunted house and turned it on its head. I love and identify with your character portrayal of Matlida, although I do not know how the houses came to be haunted. Did a ghost or a witch possess an old house? Nevertheless, I enjoyed your inventive creation. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
  |
This, Maria, is a very interesting and unique haunted house story. I love your concept of a family of haunted houses, although I do not know how they communicate with one another. Telepathy? You took the cliché of a haunted house and turned it on its head. I love and identify with your character portrayal of Matlida, although I do not know how the houses came to be haunted. Did a ghost or a witch possess an old house? Nevertheless, I enjoyed your inventive creation. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
This presents a series of technical difficulties. As you say, how did the houses communicate? But I felt like writing fantasy this morning.
Thanks for reading.
Comment from winnona
This is a very well written haunted house contest entry.Your story is creative, imaginative and just plain very good. your words flowed very well from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
 |
This is a very well written haunted house contest entry.Your story is creative, imaginative and just plain very good. your words flowed very well from beginning to end.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
Wow! Thanks for the great rating and for your kind review.
Comment from MelB
There is a good lesson in this story. Sometimes, doing the right thing is harder than doing the wrong thing. It certainly is easier to be mean than it is to be nice. I enjoyed reading the story from the POV of the house.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
|
There is a good lesson in this story. Sometimes, doing the right thing is harder than doing the wrong thing. It certainly is easier to be mean than it is to be nice. I enjoyed reading the story from the POV of the house.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Melissa. Thanks for reading.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi MJ
Writing is warm and inviting as usual, but I did struggle with this piece - it is probably just me -
Most of the windowpanes were broken and grimy and the bronze doorknob was long gone - perhaps 'the grimy windowpanes' would suffice here to shorten and unclutter the sentence, thus negating the need for two 'ands'.
'You say you're not a coward? Okay. Let's see if you dare go near the old haunted house.' - this could be attributed a speech tag to identify a speaker.
was received by his friends' cheers - maybe greeted here rather than received.
I have to admit that the personification of the house with mother & father felt a bit odd to me. I wonder how the 'mechanics' of that relationship worked... LOL
She hadn't seen him for years.- how would she see him?
I like the personification aspect but the parentage thing and seeing each other I found difficult to get my head around.
Then I'd be able to come here and read,' she said in a loud voice - need end punctuation here.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
|
Hi MJ
Writing is warm and inviting as usual, but I did struggle with this piece - it is probably just me -
Most of the windowpanes were broken and grimy and the bronze doorknob was long gone - perhaps 'the grimy windowpanes' would suffice here to shorten and unclutter the sentence, thus negating the need for two 'ands'.
'You say you're not a coward? Okay. Let's see if you dare go near the old haunted house.' - this could be attributed a speech tag to identify a speaker.
was received by his friends' cheers - maybe greeted here rather than received.
I have to admit that the personification of the house with mother & father felt a bit odd to me. I wonder how the 'mechanics' of that relationship worked... LOL
She hadn't seen him for years.- how would she see him?
I like the personification aspect but the parentage thing and seeing each other I found difficult to get my head around.
Then I'd be able to come here and read,' she said in a loud voice - need end punctuation here.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
Thanks for reading and for your suggestions.
I also thought about the mechanics of the house family relationship, but it's just fantasy so I decided I could write whatever I wanted... A bit cheeky of me, I guess. :)
-
and why not! lol :)
Comment from William Ross
A haunted house story with a happy ending rare, lol. great story and read, nicely done. good luck on this and have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
|
A haunted house story with a happy ending rare, lol. great story and read, nicely done. good luck on this and have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
Thanks for reading, William.
Comment from mfowler
Now that's a ghost story with a very different ending and a great message. Not all ghosts are the terrible type and Matilda learnt by listening that the visitors might just enjoy the place if she didn't go down traditional lines of booing and scaring the hell out of small children.
Of course she had to break with family tradition but to see the town's youth engaged in happy youth activities won Matilda's heart. Not to mention the fact that there was always someone there to keep her company. A well devised plot with an entertaining and original storyline.
SPAGs:
and knocked on the door! With his first. ... fist
It would break his already delicate heart. ... close speech marks.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
|
Now that's a ghost story with a very different ending and a great message. Not all ghosts are the terrible type and Matilda learnt by listening that the visitors might just enjoy the place if she didn't go down traditional lines of booing and scaring the hell out of small children.
Of course she had to break with family tradition but to see the town's youth engaged in happy youth activities won Matilda's heart. Not to mention the fact that there was always someone there to keep her company. A well devised plot with an entertaining and original storyline.
SPAGs:
and knocked on the door! With his first. ... fist
It would break his already delicate heart. ... close speech marks.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
Thanks for reading and for noticing the typos.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story. A haunted house doesn't need to stay a haunted house, it can become a haven for many that need a place to get together when we just clean up and paint the house it can be a happy place again.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
|
A very well-written story. A haunted house doesn't need to stay a haunted house, it can become a haven for many that need a place to get together when we just clean up and paint the house it can be a happy place again.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2016
-
Thanks for reading, Sandra.
