Darlene
I see the want to in your eyes5 total reviews
Comment from pharp
Wow! What a interesting story you have penned my friend. Very intriguing and captured my attention from beginning to ending. I mean Darlene didn't play and I didn't see the end coming and I guess neither did John. Thanks so much for sharing a most exciting and enjoyable read. The very best to you in the contest. Blessings...........Portia
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Wow! What a interesting story you have penned my friend. Very intriguing and captured my attention from beginning to ending. I mean Darlene didn't play and I didn't see the end coming and I guess neither did John. Thanks so much for sharing a most exciting and enjoyable read. The very best to you in the contest. Blessings...........Portia
Comment Written 14-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Rasmine
Good luck in the contest! I need to see the due date for this contest--after my review. I really liked the paragraph that describes her walking into the bar. Awesome descriptions. I thought it was a superb touch to add the beginning line at the end too! :)
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Good luck in the contest! I need to see the due date for this contest--after my review. I really liked the paragraph that describes her walking into the bar. Awesome descriptions. I thought it was a superb touch to add the beginning line at the end too! :)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Thanks. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Kooky Clown
A good and well thought out story with a delightful twist in the tail I thought which I have to say I was not expecting The paragraph starting 'the flame John'd picked up along the way quickly burned out in his mind' had me confused for a minute I had to read it through a couple of times to make out what was going on, but then that is probably me, altogether a good job.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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A good and well thought out story with a delightful twist in the tail I thought which I have to say I was not expecting The paragraph starting 'the flame John'd picked up along the way quickly burned out in his mind' had me confused for a minute I had to read it through a couple of times to make out what was going on, but then that is probably me, altogether a good job.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I like the basic story but I think you need to weed out the clichéd expressions. Good twist at the end.
This free-loving lady's man - in this instance I think it should be ladies' man.
I know this is a romance story but I had to laugh at the extent of the clichés used in almost all of the four or five opening paragraphs. -
The old saying rang true, "Love is a many splendid thing." / All of the fourth paragraph in its entirety / But, the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head / Strutting like a proud peacock / Darlene knew how to take what she was given and milk it dry - From some of the other writing in this piece, I can deduce that you are a much better writer than this to have to depend on clichés this much.
Some sentences are too long and run on when they should be split into two such as - It was every man for himself as Darlene seated herself on a stool and ordered a beer the bartender served with a certain twinkle in his eyes.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Hi there,
I like the basic story but I think you need to weed out the clichéd expressions. Good twist at the end.
This free-loving lady's man - in this instance I think it should be ladies' man.
I know this is a romance story but I had to laugh at the extent of the clichés used in almost all of the four or five opening paragraphs. -
The old saying rang true, "Love is a many splendid thing." / All of the fourth paragraph in its entirety / But, the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head / Strutting like a proud peacock / Darlene knew how to take what she was given and milk it dry - From some of the other writing in this piece, I can deduce that you are a much better writer than this to have to depend on clichés this much.
Some sentences are too long and run on when they should be split into two such as - It was every man for himself as Darlene seated herself on a stool and ordered a beer the bartender served with a certain twinkle in his eyes.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
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Thanks, Giraff. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from foxangie123
This truly does express the need and ways to pick up the pieces and keep living. Life is so hard. A great picture of Angelina Jolie as well. Hope this wins because it really hit home to me.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2016
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This truly does express the need and ways to pick up the pieces and keep living. Life is so hard. A great picture of Angelina Jolie as well. Hope this wins because it really hit home to me.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Your comments and support appreciated.
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Excellent penning.
