Sexy Bird
a Rondeau Redouble-contest entry & poem #18 for Sept's 30/mo14 total reviews
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Dawn-definitely deserving of a six-star rating. Wish I had one. This contest entry is so well-penned and the imagery so spectacular. Loved the read; content extraordinary. Best of luck in contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne
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Dawn-definitely deserving of a six-star rating. Wish I had one. This contest entry is so well-penned and the imagery so spectacular. Loved the read; content extraordinary. Best of luck in contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 20-Sep-2016
Comment from Gloria ....
A stunning presentation Dawn. Those birds at the end of your double are really cool.
You've written this to perfection and given us a lovely insight into the mating rituals of these beautiful birds.
I wish you all the best in the contest.
Gloria
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A stunning presentation Dawn. Those birds at the end of your double are really cool.
You've written this to perfection and given us a lovely insight into the mating rituals of these beautiful birds.
I wish you all the best in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'm not giving it a try anytime soon, Dawn, I can tell you that.
I've always thought it weird that in the fowl kingdom the males always have the prettiest plumage. Wouldn't it have worked at attracting mates just as well if the females were the most elegantly and gorgeously attired?
I know absolutely zero, zilch--nada--about the Rondeau Redouble, but your explanation really helped.
You seem to have done a wonderful job at composing yours.
Great work.
~Dean
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I'm not giving it a try anytime soon, Dawn, I can tell you that.
I've always thought it weird that in the fowl kingdom the males always have the prettiest plumage. Wouldn't it have worked at attracting mates just as well if the females were the most elegantly and gorgeously attired?
I know absolutely zero, zilch--nada--about the Rondeau Redouble, but your explanation really helped.
You seem to have done a wonderful job at composing yours.
Great work.
~Dean
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your rhymes and repeats in this ballad to the sexy penhens and peacocks. Your selection of the animated peacocks is mesmerizing. Ke-ow! -Joan
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I enjoyed your rhymes and repeats in this ballad to the sexy penhens and peacocks. Your selection of the animated peacocks is mesmerizing. Ke-ow! -Joan
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
Comment from Joy Graham
I didn't realize there was a rondeau redouble contest. I like the form, but hesitate to enter. I'll think about it.
Looks to me like you followed the form well. Good repeating lines. Good rhymes. I like the way you chose the "ir" words and then offset it with "ri" words for your rhyme scheme. I like that!
I struggle with the last line being a portion of line one. Just my personal pet peeve. I have one reviewer that always points it out, and now I have caught it also lol! I know the form calls for it, but I try to look for a phrase that will work well on it's own when pulled out of the line for later use. In my regular rondeau poems I make it rhyme with the B rhymes. I have not come up with an easy fix when I do rondeau redouble. Having said all this, I think your repeating phrase works well to sum up the theme of his poem.
Best wishes in the contest.
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I didn't realize there was a rondeau redouble contest. I like the form, but hesitate to enter. I'll think about it.
Looks to me like you followed the form well. Good repeating lines. Good rhymes. I like the way you chose the "ir" words and then offset it with "ri" words for your rhyme scheme. I like that!
I struggle with the last line being a portion of line one. Just my personal pet peeve. I have one reviewer that always points it out, and now I have caught it also lol! I know the form calls for it, but I try to look for a phrase that will work well on it's own when pulled out of the line for later use. In my regular rondeau poems I make it rhyme with the B rhymes. I have not come up with an easy fix when I do rondeau redouble. Having said all this, I think your repeating phrase works well to sum up the theme of his poem.
Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully as the poem is structurally sound from beginning to end. I LOVE the approach you took as it makes the read light and fun. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully as the poem is structurally sound from beginning to end. I LOVE the approach you took as it makes the read light and fun. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written rondeau redouble. This is one form I did not try yet because the rules was never as clear as your explained it here. I will certainly make an effort to try it out soon.
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A very well-written rondeau redouble. This is one form I did not try yet because the rules was never as clear as your explained it here. I will certainly make an effort to try it out soon.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
Comment from barkingdog
I guess once you get the hang of it, as you have, this form can be quite fun to accomplish.
I love the description of him spreading his iridescence:
'Parading iridescence with such pride/is how she judges what the bird might hide.'
In just his short section you make excellent use of enjambment, 'i' assonance(pride/might/hide), 'r' consonance( parading iridescence/pride)
Loved the video, too.
:) e
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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I guess once you get the hang of it, as you have, this form can be quite fun to accomplish.
I love the description of him spreading his iridescence:
'Parading iridescence with such pride/is how she judges what the bird might hide.'
In just his short section you make excellent use of enjambment, 'i' assonance(pride/might/hide), 'r' consonance( parading iridescence/pride)
Loved the video, too.
:) e
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Thanks so much! Yes, I enjoyed writing it very much. :)
Comment from royowen
You're making excellent progress in the poem a day September. Beautifully written oddly rondeau, the descripive tex is excellently scribed, the rhyming is great, the narrative, as usual, is articulately presented, and the language is beaut, well done, my friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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You're making excellent progress in the poem a day September. Beautifully written oddly rondeau, the descripive tex is excellently scribed, the rhyming is great, the narrative, as usual, is articulately presented, and the language is beaut, well done, my friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Blessings to you too, Roy, and many thanks! I appreciate you very much!
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Most welcome
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Thanks! I JUST managed to get the instructions added to my notes. LOL. Whew. On we go...
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Well done
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Thanks again. :)
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Always welcome Dawn
Comment from I am Cat
Beautiful Rondeau redouble! I forgot that the short verse is at the end... and it sort of stopped me up quick... I was like... where's the rest? LOL
(and that slightly animated pic at the end, sort of creepy if you watch it!) lol
Beautifully presented and expertly written... you're just awesome! Well done... and watch out for those peahens of ALL kinds. lol
Hugs
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Beautiful Rondeau redouble! I forgot that the short verse is at the end... and it sort of stopped me up quick... I was like... where's the rest? LOL
(and that slightly animated pic at the end, sort of creepy if you watch it!) lol
Beautifully presented and expertly written... you're just awesome! Well done... and watch out for those peahens of ALL kinds. lol
Hugs
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Uh oh, I hope you didn't read this before I realized my mistake. There are six stanzas, Cat, five of four lines and the sixth with five lines, the first line of the poem (only partial) making up that final line.
Thanks very much. I'm glad you liked it! :)
