Flower in the Attic
Lives are short from birth to death.56 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
You're so right, life is short. It seems the journey from sweet baby, to old and grouchy, then dead memories locked away in the attic is rather short.
Your poem has done a wonderful job of reminding us of that fact.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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You're so right, life is short. It seems the journey from sweet baby, to old and grouchy, then dead memories locked away in the attic is rather short.
Your poem has done a wonderful job of reminding us of that fact.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Rhonda: thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. livelylinda
Comment from Pantygynt
There's a blooming great load of alliteration on the B here. I don't quite get the idea of the attic. I throw dead flowers away. Do you really put yours in the attic? Or is the picture a distraction and do you put your babies in the attic when they get too large? Should you be reported to the proper authorities for this?
As far as FanStory is concerned however no crime appears to have been committed.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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There's a blooming great load of alliteration on the B here. I don't quite get the idea of the attic. I throw dead flowers away. Do you really put yours in the attic? Or is the picture a distraction and do you put your babies in the attic when they get too large? Should you be reported to the proper authorities for this?
As far as FanStory is concerned however no crime appears to have been committed.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2016
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Pantygynt: you are incorrect on all levels! This poem is a metaphor for aging and how quickly our life flies by leaving us old and discarded to the 'attic'. I recently moved into a large house with several friends from church. My bedroom is on the second floor and the ceiling slants down on two sides. I realized that it reminded me of an attic. That reminded me of the VC Andrews book series, "Flowers in the Attic" which gave me quite a laugh. No, no crime has been committed. Thank you for reading and sharing your concerns! LOLOL Linda
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Sorry. Sometimes one just fails to get on the same wavelength.
Comment from EricBrady
I absolutely love your presentation with the choice color for the font and background around the artwork. You have nailed the syllable count and managed to describe all life from birth to death. This is a great little poem for the contest and should do well. Best wishes. Love all of the B words.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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I absolutely love your presentation with the choice color for the font and background around the artwork. You have nailed the syllable count and managed to describe all life from birth to death. This is a great little poem for the contest and should do well. Best wishes. Love all of the B words.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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EricBrady: thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me on this 2/10/2 contest entry poem. livelylinda
Comment from suep
Much too quickly we can go from blooming to banned. Nice comparison to flowers with bloomed and blossomed and great alliteration with the 'b's. Great artwork choice, too, to illustrate your words. Best wishes in the contest! :)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Much too quickly we can go from blooming to banned. Nice comparison to flowers with bloomed and blossomed and great alliteration with the 'b's. Great artwork choice, too, to illustrate your words. Best wishes in the contest! :)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Thank you, suep, for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from DonandVicki
I do like the way that you expressed the different stages of life in so few words. Difficult to do and paint a vivid picture as well.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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I do like the way that you expressed the different stages of life in so few words. Difficult to do and paint a vivid picture as well.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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DonandVicki: once again I thank you for reading my work and sharing your thoughts with me. I appreciate your support. livelylinda
Comment from William Ross
Nicely done on the 2.10.2 life is to short, good thing we have memories. Good thought, best of luck on this and have a good day.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Nicely done on the 2.10.2 life is to short, good thing we have memories. Good thought, best of luck on this and have a good day.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Thank you, William Ross. livelylinda
Comment from mfowler
Your poem has an amazing run of alliterative 'b's' which I found appealing. In such a short space you've told of the plant's loving upbringing. But, the closing part tells of its ban to the attic because of its age.
Since that's where I've been shifted to by my children, I understand the plant's sorrow. Only kidding.
A lovely poem in response to a difficult assignment with limited syllable count in this contest.
One suggestion: For best effect with this part of the line 'now old banned to attic', I'd put a dash between 'old and banned'. In it's current form it reads as if its the Rolling Stones ie old band. And you want to emphasise that its' old, and that it's banned.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Your poem has an amazing run of alliterative 'b's' which I found appealing. In such a short space you've told of the plant's loving upbringing. But, the closing part tells of its ban to the attic because of its age.
Since that's where I've been shifted to by my children, I understand the plant's sorrow. Only kidding.
A lovely poem in response to a difficult assignment with limited syllable count in this contest.
One suggestion: For best effect with this part of the line 'now old banned to attic', I'd put a dash between 'old and banned'. In it's current form it reads as if its the Rolling Stones ie old band. And you want to emphasise that its' old, and that it's banned.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Actually, I wasn't talking about a plant, I was talking about humans. I recently turned 68 years of age and moved in with a mixture of a few people from my church from ages 11 to 68. My bedroom is on the second floor but with slanted roof, it can seem like the attic. I laughed out loud thinking of the book series, "Flowers in the Attic" which inspired this poem.
I agree with your suggestion to improve this work. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Linda
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, it difficult to write something meaningful in so few words, but you seem to have managed that very well. Yeah, the plant is of no use anymore so away with in the attic. Poor thing. Good luck in the contest. All best. Ulla:)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Hi there, it difficult to write something meaningful in so few words, but you seem to have managed that very well. Yeah, the plant is of no use anymore so away with in the attic. Poor thing. Good luck in the contest. All best. Ulla:)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Ulla: actually, I recently moved and my bedroom is on the second floor. Because of the slanted roof, it sometimes reminds me of the attic. This reminded me of the series of books, "Flowers in the Attic" which inspired this poem. It is about us getting old and sent to the attic to live, etc. Thank you for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great comparison the dieing flower and the birth to death from baby to - now old banned to attic - gee I hope that's now what's in store for me. Good luck with the writing prompt, I enjoyed this one,
cheers.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Great comparison the dieing flower and the birth to death from baby to - now old banned to attic - gee I hope that's now what's in store for me. Good luck with the writing prompt, I enjoyed this one,
cheers.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Pearl: I recently (still unpacking) moved into a large house with several people from my church. My bedroom is on the second floor and due to the slant of the roof, it reminds me of an attic somewhat although I've made it comfy and homey appearing. This reminded me of the book series, "Flowers in the Attic" which made me laugh out loud, and hence came this little poem. Thanks for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh goodness, this is a powerful little poem - I sure hope it's not anyone you know, author, or you! Or did you mean it metaphorically? You could have - there are certainly enough neglected aged. It's great either way - best of luck.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Oh goodness, this is a powerful little poem - I sure hope it's not anyone you know, author, or you! Or did you mean it metaphorically? You could have - there are certainly enough neglected aged. It's great either way - best of luck.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Ideas: I recently moved and my bedroom is on the second floor which has a slanted roof so it originally made me think of an attic which led to think of the book series, "Flowers in the Attic". Hence, came the poem. Since I'm 68 years of age, I thought it funny that I'm left to live out my life 'in the attic'. It was written in fun at the time the contest came out. Thanks for reading and commenting. livelylinda
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Ha! In fact, I actually LIKE those rooms with slanted ceilings and windows that are a bit different, especially if there's some stained glass - I LOVE older homes, for example - more character. As far as Flowers In The Attic, that's the first thing that came to mind. :)) I guess that set the mood. Your poem IS sombre/sad. I'm glad you are NOT. :)) You're welcome.
