Reviews from

Wilting Orchid

The story of a deal gone wrong.

8 total reviews 
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
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Hi there,

You did a good job with this, let's be honest, very lacklustre prompt! lol

Well written and a nice little fun bit at the end.
GMG

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016
    Thanks!
    Yeah, the prompt had me baffled for quite some time.
Comment from oliver818
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Great story! I expecially liked the twist at the end, that was very clever m. Best of luck with the contest, and have a great day

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much for reading, Oliver. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from winnona
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A very well written contest entry. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Tell your husband it is an orchid of a different color. a very rare plant. every time it blooms it blooms a different color. good luck.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
    Thanks for reading my little story, Winnona.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
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Funny story. Good luck in the contest. I wrote a story that includes a statement abut the contest procedure. I hope you will read it. "Merry Christmas FanStory."

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
    I will look for it, Thomas. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Heidi M
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Good motivation for keeping the plant alive!
My favorite line: "At the beginning of the winter there were fifteen plants in my apartment and I have managed to kill fourteen of them." Telling it like it is!
You included a cute twist by buying the wrong color orchid!

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
    Thanks for reading this one, Heidi.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
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That is what happens when you are deceptive about anything.

Lesson learned the hard way.

Touch of humor thrown in for good measure.

Should make for an interesting entry into this contest.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016
    Thanks for reading and for your kind comments, Brett.
Comment from Alex Rosel
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So my husband said 'If you manage not to kill all the plants in the apartment, we'll move.' - This is a great premise for this story :-)

'Goodbye, my friend.' I whisper. - I'd have a comma after friend.

This was a nice story right up until the twist, which I found a little lame. Nevertheless it kept my attention throughout. It meets the remit of the contest. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck with the competition.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016
    Thanks for reading, Alex. I've already corrected the comma thing. Thanks for noticing.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
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Hi,

= Cute little story. I enjoyed reading it.
= Strong contest entry. Good luck.

<> Made a few corrections, but please use or lose as you see fit.

<> Corrected punctuation to make =complete sentence=
= I can sunbathe and eat breakfast[.](,) [E](e)ven if I'm surrounded by weeds. So my husband said(,) 'If you manage not to kill all the plants in the apartment, we'll move.'

<> Comma needed before dialogue tag.
= I'm surrounded by weeds. So my husband said 'If you

<> Need comma
= 'Oh(,) no! It seems you have too much already.'

<> Change period to a comma BEFORE dialogue tag.
= 'Goodbye, my friend[.](,)' I whisper.

<> Always use comma with direct address.
='Hi(,) darling,' I say. 'Dinner will be ready in five minutes.'

<> Space before/after ellipses (detail ... it seems)
= little detail[ ]...[ ]it seems in my hurry

<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2016


reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016
    Thanks for reading, Jax. I've made all the corrections except for one (Even if I'm surrounded by weeds.) because I like it like that.
reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 13-Sep-2016
    You're very welcome. (*<*)