The winner
potlatch challenge prose 175 words19 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
I'm catching up on my Prose Potlatch reviews.
Wow, this was a fast one. Short and to the point. The nice guy she married had changed into someone she didn't understand. He sounds more animal than human.
War had changed him.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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I'm catching up on my Prose Potlatch reviews.
Wow, this was a fast one. Short and to the point. The nice guy she married had changed into someone she didn't understand. He sounds more animal than human.
War had changed him.
:) ellen
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Who knows a man better than his wife? Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
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You're welcome.
:) e
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His mistress?
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Or his mom? Or, nowdays, his husband...
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
LIJ,
You did a great job with the prompt. I can easily see the change pre/post war in the character. I liked the length--enough to get your point made but not too much to drag it down.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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LIJ,
You did a great job with the prompt. I can easily see the change pre/post war in the character. I liked the length--enough to get your point made but not too much to drag it down.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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The risk was the speaker's grammar and dialect. The woman would have said funguses, not fungi, and run her sentences together, but too much realism get's hard to read....thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Dustybones
That's two people changed by war. Sad story to see that many warriors have PTSD to such a degree and that man don't or can't cope with the MI.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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That's two people changed by war. Sad story to see that many warriors have PTSD to such a degree and that man don't or can't cope with the MI.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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War changes everything it touches, nine times out of ten for the worse. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from KyColonel Randal
The winner? Who was the winner in this situation? I imagine this happened quite a lot. Here are a few proofreading observations:
"laugh, and quote poetry" > no comma
"Mensa Intelligent" > MENSA intelligent
"funguses" > fungi
Well written. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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The winner? Who was the winner in this situation? I imagine this happened quite a lot. Here are a few proofreading observations:
"laugh, and quote poetry" > no comma
"Mensa Intelligent" > MENSA intelligent
"funguses" > fungi
Well written. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing and catching those nits. The challenges are completed
in a short time, and I work better slowly...
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
War can changed the cutest and most lovable people into selfish pigs who don't give a damn about anybody else. Another life wasted.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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War can changed the cutest and most lovable people into selfish pigs who don't give a damn about anybody else. Another life wasted.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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That's what war is, a waste of life. Too many men become addicted to it. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my challenge entry.
Comment from Joy Graham
I haven't checked to see what the potlatch prose theme is yet.
I enjoyed this little story. You painted a picture with a condensed amount of words. I like the description of, "left me swelled up like Graf Hindenberg...". It would be awful to return with, "feet messed up with funguses..." Wouldn't that be fungi as opposed to funguses?
I detect a little bit of rhymed poetry with, "He slept like a log and ate like a hog and was better than ever in bed".
Great writing.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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I haven't checked to see what the potlatch prose theme is yet.
I enjoyed this little story. You painted a picture with a condensed amount of words. I like the description of, "left me swelled up like Graf Hindenberg...". It would be awful to return with, "feet messed up with funguses..." Wouldn't that be fungi as opposed to funguses?
I detect a little bit of rhymed poetry with, "He slept like a log and ate like a hog and was better than ever in bed".
Great writing.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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The divorcee I had in mind would have said funguses. The challenge is to describe a man before and after he went to war. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Julia.
What's interesting is that this could be a character sketch of either the woman talking or the person she is talking about. Her attitude and language tell the reader as much about her as her ex-husband. Nice job.
If I had one suggestion for improvement: There were a lot of "and"s in the following section:
I loved him because he could laugh, and quote poetry and figure out any problem that came his way. And he liked people. He accepted things, like when he was drafted. And he was very smart.
They started to jump out at me and be distracting.
Other than that though, I thought this was very well written.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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What's interesting is that this could be a character sketch of either the woman talking or the person she is talking about. Her attitude and language tell the reader as much about her as her ex-husband. Nice job.
If I had one suggestion for improvement: There were a lot of "and"s in the following section:
I loved him because he could laugh, and quote poetry and figure out any problem that came his way. And he liked people. He accepted things, like when he was drafted. And he was very smart.
They started to jump out at me and be distracting.
Other than that though, I thought this was very well written.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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The woman would have probably spoken that string of ands. One can follow natural speech too closely.
Thanks for reading and reviewing and the comments.
Comment from Craigitar
Before and after is not always black and white, but in this well written challenge it is. Good job portraying the change.
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reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Before and after is not always black and white, but in this well written challenge it is. Good job portraying the change.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Wars damage different men in so many different ways, but only a few come back unchanged. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Very well written and you took the challenge to a great level.
It indeed showed how he was before and the problems after even though his lover level was as good as ever. I loved that part.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Very well written and you took the challenge to a great level.
It indeed showed how he was before and the problems after even though his lover level was as good as ever. I loved that part.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2016
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Some of the tough farm boys I grew up with came back from Nam meaner than ever. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
