A Surprise for Dad
Young married couple have a surprise for husband's father.3 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
LOL! What a relief it was for the grandparents that Mary Ellen wasn't pregnant. You did an outstanding job of creating the old stuck in his ways dad that wanted his son and his wife to live according to his own convictions. Great job, and good luck in the contest. :-)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
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LOL! What a relief it was for the grandparents that Mary Ellen wasn't pregnant. You did an outstanding job of creating the old stuck in his ways dad that wanted his son and his wife to live according to his own convictions. Great job, and good luck in the contest. :-)
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
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Thanks for the read and the comments. Luckily my dad just had some of this guys traits.
Comment from mfowler
I checked the classification. Glad it's fiction.
The key to your story and the value of the surprise is realised through your first person narrator. He portrays himself as a religist traditionalist, a right wing supporter, a chauvinist pig. And he does a wonderful job painting a great picture of his own character.
His diatribe about the unsuitability of Mary Ellen at the start is played out in direct contrast to the things he believes in. A liberal, a greenie, a non religionist, a crazy risk taker. She is the antithesis of what his son should choose as spouse.
Of course we've all met future father in laws like this. Unfortunately they're much worse in real life that this adorable character in your story.
The big surprise was just that. Completely shocked me. But when Bill and Mary Ellen and Bill reveal their dedication by buying plots next to mum and dad, the old blowhard hints he'd like a grandkid. What a turnaround.
A very funny spoof like take on the theme. You'll do very well with voters with a sense of humour.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
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I checked the classification. Glad it's fiction.
The key to your story and the value of the surprise is realised through your first person narrator. He portrays himself as a religist traditionalist, a right wing supporter, a chauvinist pig. And he does a wonderful job painting a great picture of his own character.
His diatribe about the unsuitability of Mary Ellen at the start is played out in direct contrast to the things he believes in. A liberal, a greenie, a non religionist, a crazy risk taker. She is the antithesis of what his son should choose as spouse.
Of course we've all met future father in laws like this. Unfortunately they're much worse in real life that this adorable character in your story.
The big surprise was just that. Completely shocked me. But when Bill and Mary Ellen and Bill reveal their dedication by buying plots next to mum and dad, the old blowhard hints he'd like a grandkid. What a turnaround.
A very funny spoof like take on the theme. You'll do very well with voters with a sense of humour.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
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Thank you for your careful analysis of my story. Fortunately, for me, my father was not all together like this guy, but somewhat, at times. But, I survived and so did he and we enjoyed each others' company for a long time.
Comment from oliver818
Nice story, I really enjoyed the imagery. And you created some very strong characters in a small amount of time. I'm a little confused as to why they would be so happy to have graves together, but it's an interesting twist and not at all what I was expecting.
I found one little error
-Except the bottom of her bakini slip off- change slip to slipped
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Nice story, I really enjoyed the imagery. And you created some very strong characters in a small amount of time. I'm a little confused as to why they would be so happy to have graves together, but it's an interesting twist and not at all what I was expecting.
I found one little error
-Except the bottom of her bakini slip off- change slip to slipped
Comment Written 29-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2016
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Thanks for the read and the catch. I will correct the mistake.
