Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

Cold rain washing off the mask, very original and a message that comes through loud and clear. The artwork enhances your work.

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

I thank you so much for this encouraging review:)

Comment from June Sargent

Excellent

So many layers of interpretation in 3 short lines. Rain could be likened to tears that open your eyes to see what was under the mask. Years as previous as gems. Well done.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

Thank you very much, June. Yes I am glad you see so much insight in my poem. I just thought I'd use the rain to wash away the mask. It could have been anyone behind the mask, I guess:)

Comment from Julia.

Excellent

Second Review: The syllable count was is now correct, so I raise the rating to five stars. :)


First Review:

Good imagery in this, and the third line is a nice observation--it can have both a literal and figurative meaning.

However, I think you have too many syllables in the second line. If you pronounce "everywhere" as 3 syllables (ev-'ry-where), then that line has eight syllables. If you pronounce "everywhere" with the full 4 syllables, then that line has nine syllables. You may wish to edit to comply with the contest rules. If you do, please PM, and I would be happy to raise the rating.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

Thanks so much, Julia, for paying close attention. Yes, please count everywhere with only 3 syllables as in modern writing. You are right, in Shakesperean, it is 4. And I have corrected the glistening word and slurred it-- I put this in my updated author notes.

reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

Oops, Shakespearean

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

There is the makings of a true senryu in this poem.
You address the nature of humanity
in a slightly satiric way.
Your satori reveals just as the cold raindrops reveal.
Best of luck with the voters.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

Thanks for the very detailed and helpful review. I hope it will be okay for a 5-7-5:)

Comment from cterp

Good

I'm concerned about your syllable count. The second line I have to cheat either glistening or everywhere from three to two syllables. Both words are slurred in casual speech, but you haven't indicated that in your writing, indicating a careful pronunciation of three syllables. That means nine syllables on that line instead of seven.

The thought expressed is lovely and I would hate to see you disqualified on syllable count.

chris

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

Thanks so much for this help, and I have noted this in my updated author notes. Also I hope everyone pronounces everywhere as in modern writing, with three syllables. I know Shakesperean will have 4 syllables in everywhere:):)

reply by the author on 28-Aug-2016

Sorry, Shakespearean

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, well your syllable count is nearly perfect. I say nearly because the extra lines that should not be here:

Delete

Masquerade

and

Written August 27 2016

These are within the field with the poem. You may be disqualified.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016

I will fix it, thanks:)

reply by the author on 27-Aug-2016

Hopefully you will take another look, since I took this suggestion, thanks:)