Illegal Capture of a Little Sister
A catch and release fishing story23 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
My goodness, what a traumatic experience! I love the wry matter-of-fact narrative style.
Nice to meet you, Mary.
Until next time,
Sonali
soothed by Italian ( arias) ... apostrophe not required in the plural
We were lousy (shepherds) ... apostrophe not required
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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My goodness, what a traumatic experience! I love the wry matter-of-fact narrative style.
Nice to meet you, Mary.
Until next time,
Sonali
soothed by Italian ( arias) ... apostrophe not required in the plural
We were lousy (shepherds) ... apostrophe not required
Comment Written 01-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
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Sonali, thank you for the terrific review. I appreciate your keen eye on the apostrophe's...a weak spot for me. Thank you. Lovely to meet you as well, and I look forward to reading more of your work. I also very much appreciate your reading a two center...admirable indeed! Have a lovely evening!
Comment from Marvin Calloway
THANK HEAVEN I picked you to follow. You know how to tell a story with humor and unique descriptions. You keep a reader glued to the page.
I mention a few of your gems: four mini-us's, organ explosion containment, When E.F. Lasagna talked, windows resting at half-mast, etc., etc.
And I couldn't leave out the star of the show: teeny-weeny cutie patootie sneezer.
Marv
P. S. I received (3) copies of this story.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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THANK HEAVEN I picked you to follow. You know how to tell a story with humor and unique descriptions. You keep a reader glued to the page.
I mention a few of your gems: four mini-us's, organ explosion containment, When E.F. Lasagna talked, windows resting at half-mast, etc., etc.
And I couldn't leave out the star of the show: teeny-weeny cutie patootie sneezer.
Marv
P. S. I received (3) copies of this story.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Good morning, Marvin! How sweet of you on the follow comment! I love reading your reviews and this one is no exception 😃 Thank you so much for your RR&R. I also enjoyed hearing about your favorite parts! How funny that another reviewer didnt care for my "mini-us's" reference, so I greatly appreciated your endorsement of it. What can I say, I sometimes make up words! 😅 About the 3 copies, I have no idea how that works, but I would definitely let Tom know. I have no control over who gets notified when I post, or how many times. By the way, I also appreciate you reading it as a two center...it was paying 1.02 just yesterday morning. 😣 Thank you, Marv, and have and awesome day!!
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Thanks for your reply. Looks like you have the last word. : (
Comment from Spitfire
What a marvelous ending to relieve the tension. I felt that hook in my nose too.
Did anyone tell the manager the food made them vomit?
Clever title although it read like a nightmare vacation. Glad you didn't resort to that frightening title.
Your metaphors, similes, and sense of humor make this a brilliant write. You're one of the very very best, Mary.
Favorite lines:
Michael wanted to stay at the cabin by himself for fear of being arrested in Flagstaff for fishing without a proper license to reel in a sister. Jarrod was afraid Katie's nose would end up looking like something out of one of his Goosebumps books
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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What a marvelous ending to relieve the tension. I felt that hook in my nose too.
Did anyone tell the manager the food made them vomit?
Clever title although it read like a nightmare vacation. Glad you didn't resort to that frightening title.
Your metaphors, similes, and sense of humor make this a brilliant write. You're one of the very very best, Mary.
Favorite lines:
Michael wanted to stay at the cabin by himself for fear of being arrested in Flagstaff for fishing without a proper license to reel in a sister. Jarrod was afraid Katie's nose would end up looking like something out of one of his Goosebumps books
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Wow, thank you, Shari, for a terrific review and for that endorphin inducing SIX! I love reading your thoughts on my work, and this one was so very special to receive. Thank you for letting me know your favored lines too. I truly appreciate your continued interest. Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mary This is wonderful writing as always from you. However, I don't think I would give away the main crux of the story in the very beginning of the story as you did.
Great story and the humor is outlandishly funny even though it was a serious situation more than once, like here for instance:
"Believe me when I tell you cutting pliers are hard to find in an emergency. None of our forestry neighbors had a single pair and the stores were closed, leaving our only option but to drive to the nearest emergency room located in Flagstaff, ninety minutes away and accessible by a scenic drive otherwise known as the switchbacks. Michael wanted to stay at the cabin by himself for fear of being arrested in Flagstaff for fishing without a proper license to reel in a sister. Jarrod was afraid Katie's nose would end up looking like something out of one of his Goosebumps books. The tribe was loaded into Mr. Pink as night fell. We fired up the engine and deployed the booster rockets for the hellacious drive. Plastic puke bags on every lap.
Suggestions: I think you left out a word here, which wouldn't be too bad, but it's your opening sentence: "week with our four children. Sedona, Arizona, known for its....etc. (In Sedona)
Also: " we were responsible for four mini-us's." (Keep it simple, I think...(.four kids)
And, unfortunately, much of the story could have been eliminated and lost nothing in the main thrust: Like this whole section: "Our first born was the recipient of a two-on-one strategy, which may explain why many first borns are a little wacko. It's an overly dramatic technique, often referred to as "helicoptering." The birth of our second son three years later required a move to
one-on-one defense. Focus sharp, but a little diffused. Our first daughter arrived four years later, and zone defense was deployed.
Lack of sleep between endless loads of laundry; preparing meals, homework hovering, while working full-time jobs and a two hour daily commute, we decided "What the Heaven" and added a second baby girl to our family in October 1993. All bets were off as zone defense intensified with the addition of our fourth tight end.
Zone defense also coincided with a marked reduction in the number of invitations we received to social events. Something about managing a herd makes people a little jumpy. I get it. People have a lot of breakable stuff. Especially childless people.
That summer, rather than our usual beachside romp for summer vacation, we opted for a more serene, 'two hours from home/pediatrician' jaunt in the event we'd be too overwhelmed with all that ocean water and child containment. Pine needles vs. sand crabs. Fish hook vs. nostril.
Good write overall, as I said. Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Hi, Mary This is wonderful writing as always from you. However, I don't think I would give away the main crux of the story in the very beginning of the story as you did.
Great story and the humor is outlandishly funny even though it was a serious situation more than once, like here for instance:
"Believe me when I tell you cutting pliers are hard to find in an emergency. None of our forestry neighbors had a single pair and the stores were closed, leaving our only option but to drive to the nearest emergency room located in Flagstaff, ninety minutes away and accessible by a scenic drive otherwise known as the switchbacks. Michael wanted to stay at the cabin by himself for fear of being arrested in Flagstaff for fishing without a proper license to reel in a sister. Jarrod was afraid Katie's nose would end up looking like something out of one of his Goosebumps books. The tribe was loaded into Mr. Pink as night fell. We fired up the engine and deployed the booster rockets for the hellacious drive. Plastic puke bags on every lap.
Suggestions: I think you left out a word here, which wouldn't be too bad, but it's your opening sentence: "week with our four children. Sedona, Arizona, known for its....etc. (In Sedona)
Also: " we were responsible for four mini-us's." (Keep it simple, I think...(.four kids)
And, unfortunately, much of the story could have been eliminated and lost nothing in the main thrust: Like this whole section: "Our first born was the recipient of a two-on-one strategy, which may explain why many first borns are a little wacko. It's an overly dramatic technique, often referred to as "helicoptering." The birth of our second son three years later required a move to
one-on-one defense. Focus sharp, but a little diffused. Our first daughter arrived four years later, and zone defense was deployed.
Lack of sleep between endless loads of laundry; preparing meals, homework hovering, while working full-time jobs and a two hour daily commute, we decided "What the Heaven" and added a second baby girl to our family in October 1993. All bets were off as zone defense intensified with the addition of our fourth tight end.
Zone defense also coincided with a marked reduction in the number of invitations we received to social events. Something about managing a herd makes people a little jumpy. I get it. People have a lot of breakable stuff. Especially childless people.
That summer, rather than our usual beachside romp for summer vacation, we opted for a more serene, 'two hours from home/pediatrician' jaunt in the event we'd be too overwhelmed with all that ocean water and child containment. Pine needles vs. sand crabs. Fish hook vs. nostril.
Good write overall, as I said. Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Hi Bob, thank you for your thorough review and suggestions, which I very much appreciate. I understand what you are saying about the volume and removable sections and will consider those suggestions. I just feel they help to build on where we were at mentally as parents that lends to the overall entire story. I appreciate your honesty and input. Have a terrific day.
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Hi, Mary. Perhaps I worded my reply wrong. It is all great writing...it's just that sometimes we have a tendency to put "too much" in a story while the reader is anxiously waiting to see where the story is going. Bless you, Mary. I would never intentionally offend. Bob
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow i laughed till i peed and i dont do that lightly.
Your wording and descriptions from the clenched 'cheeks' to the clear filiment leading from the pole to the lip.
Very well written
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Wow i laughed till i peed and i dont do that lightly.
Your wording and descriptions from the clenched 'cheeks' to the clear filiment leading from the pole to the lip.
Very well written
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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HI Barb, thank you again for a great RR&R! I appreciate your continued interest very much.
Comment from Dawn Munro
AAAAAAaaaaaaahahahaaahahahaha! Your "erk...erk...erk..." has me screaming with laughter. But, the sentence before it doesn't need a semi-colon; a comma will do.
Yer killin' me. As I read on it only gets better. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
You are incredibly talented, my friend. It's an honor to read and review your work (and a distinct pleasure).
I have just one criticism - why did you NOT enter this in the upcoming contest for memoirs?
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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AAAAAAaaaaaaahahahaaahahahaha! Your "erk...erk...erk..." has me screaming with laughter. But, the sentence before it doesn't need a semi-colon; a comma will do.
Yer killin' me. As I read on it only gets better. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
You are incredibly talented, my friend. It's an honor to read and review your work (and a distinct pleasure).
I have just one criticism - why did you NOT enter this in the upcoming contest for memoirs?
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Aw, you're making me blush, Dawn :) Thank you for your continued interest, your commitment to reading my longer prose, and for the RR&R with that fabulous SIX! I always look forward to getting your feedback, because it is always on mark and so very helpful. I've added a comma in place of the semi...I struggled with that one when I first wrote this, so I was glad to see your point to that. Contests...I swore those off long ago after pulling in flat last without a single vote and putting down fake moolah to enter :) Hope you are feeling better! XO
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your story. You have a keen sense of humor,
and the ability to display it. And your family provides
ample fodder. Your writing is a frenzied mélange of
Erma Bombeck, Dave Barry, and Stephen King.
I laughed a lot. I winced a lot.
I wonder though, if you packed this sack a bit too full.
Perhaps the pace would be better served if you resisted a few tangents.
There will be other stories to tell. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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I like your story. You have a keen sense of humor,
and the ability to display it. And your family provides
ample fodder. Your writing is a frenzied mélange of
Erma Bombeck, Dave Barry, and Stephen King.
I laughed a lot. I winced a lot.
I wonder though, if you packed this sack a bit too full.
Perhaps the pace would be better served if you resisted a few tangents.
There will be other stories to tell. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Hi Lee, thank you for your terrific review and for the comparison to the greats. I am a little embarrased to tell you the only Dave Barry I know is a talk show host on investing; Stephen King well known to me but I have yet to read a single one of his books. Erma Bombeck was a fellow Arizonan and I absolututely loved her humor in the written form as well as spontaneous humor doing the talk show circuit since I was a teenager. She was the absolute best! So I take that comparison with great pride. I will have to check out your Dave Barry...
I appreciate your counsel on the oversatiating...I will try to calm it down. Have a great afternoon/evening, and thank you again for your time and review.
Comment from Unspoken94
Thursday, we head to Colorado where I will go fly
fishing with my brother. I'm going to remember this
story throughout the week! I am notorious for hooking
myself! This is a wonderful story, Mary and my wife and
I share in the love of Sedona. -Bill
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Thursday, we head to Colorado where I will go fly
fishing with my brother. I'm going to remember this
story throughout the week! I am notorious for hooking
myself! This is a wonderful story, Mary and my wife and
I share in the love of Sedona. -Bill
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Bill, for another wonderful review. I appreciate your continued interest.
Have a great time in Colorado. My friend's daughter is an avid fly fisherwoman and writes articles for Colorado Collective
http://www.colorado-collective.com/
She has taken some beautiful photography of her fishing trips. (Kaitlin Boyer)
Comment from jlsavell
Mary, your true life stories are so hysterically told, I will have to purchase depends to keep reading. Absolutely funny is your imagination and stark imagery. Jimi
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Mary, your true life stories are so hysterically told, I will have to purchase depends to keep reading. Absolutely funny is your imagination and stark imagery. Jimi
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Hi Jimi, thank you so much for another amazing review and that fabulous six! Your Depends comment cracked me up! Have a wonderful week ahead!
Comment from MTF1955
As always just so darn funny. Arizona is one of my favorite states. Hiked, muled and rafted the grand canyon. Driven Hwy 17 through Oak Creek canyon. Even when I'm bone tired your stories always make me laugh. You have a wonderful talent for humor. More, more, more. Mary
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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As always just so darn funny. Arizona is one of my favorite states. Hiked, muled and rafted the grand canyon. Driven Hwy 17 through Oak Creek canyon. Even when I'm bone tired your stories always make me laugh. You have a wonderful talent for humor. More, more, more. Mary
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, so much for your wonderful RR&R. As always, your words brought a smile to my face :) Have a wonderful week ahead!
