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Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Mansion"Shorter stories
15 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Yeah I like the idea of busting up the mansion better. Great spooky story. The picture is excellent. I wouldn't go within a hundred yards of that place, even in the daytime. Really like the nick names, you can visualize each character through their nick names.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Yeah I like the idea of busting up the mansion better. Great spooky story. The picture is excellent. I wouldn't go within a hundred yards of that place, even in the daytime. Really like the nick names, you can visualize each character through their nick names.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Thomas, for the great review. Bill
Comment from Gloria ....
What I noticed right off, that I really get a kick out of, is your humorous sidebars.
Especially the agreed upon because of twenty factors. HAHA.
I also enjoy the Dither estate and Ditherton.
Haaaaaaaa. Great ending. So well written, lean, descriptive and a horror hoot.
Best wishes to you in the contest. This is a good one with quite a unique flavour.
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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What I noticed right off, that I really get a kick out of, is your humorous sidebars.
Especially the agreed upon because of twenty factors. HAHA.
I also enjoy the Dither estate and Ditherton.
Haaaaaaaa. Great ending. So well written, lean, descriptive and a horror hoot.
Best wishes to you in the contest. This is a good one with quite a unique flavour.
Gloria
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Gloria, for the excellent review. Campy horror is my favorite. Bill
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow! Great story with a dynamite ending! Brilliant. LOts of gore... would be popular as a movie. So Mills was having fun watching people torn apart. Loved it! Bravo! :)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Wow! Great story with a dynamite ending! Brilliant. LOts of gore... would be popular as a movie. So Mills was having fun watching people torn apart. Loved it! Bravo! :)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Phyllis, for the stunning review. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, Bill.
I saw that you'd posted a horror story, so I was all over it like stink on shi...well, you know...
Quentin, Pogo's brother, used the behemoth like a gangster leader would use his henchmen. Q's ideas were usually agreed on because of twenty factors. One was his charm and persuasive manner. The other nineteen were the foolish guys who were corrected, with extreme prejudice (at the high school level), by Pogo's unforgiving fists. Those high-profile arguments smoothed the way to capitulation.
... H-m-mmmmm..., not an uncommon thing for the brainiac nerd to be able to manipulate a neanderthal. In fact, I think it's encouraged in most cultures ...
Within two steps, Pogo's mind was taken over by the ghost of Dexter Dithers. ... Oh hell, wouldn't you know it? The ghost just had to go into the biggest, strongest, largest badass (albeit as dumb as a box of rocks) in the whole dang group? That doesn't bode well for the Ditherton High gang I would imagine...
Immediately after the fourth teen emerged from the opening, all were grabbed in a huge bear hug by Dither, via Pogo's engulfing embrace. Crunching like a sack of pretzels, the condemned quartet were reduced to a semi-fused glob of dead flesh. Their spray paint cans gushed yellow and orange hues that mixed with the scarlet blood and flowed from the gory mess. ... See?
What did I tell ya? ...
Mills brought up an idea for an adventure. "Let's go and bust up the old Dither mansion! It will be a gas!"
This would be his third trip there. ... Either Mills was totally off his rocker, or he'd figured out a devious way to eliminate any of his male competition.
Good story, Bill. Bloody, gory, and very entertaining.
I noticed no spag nor glaring errors to mention.
Thanks for the entertainment...
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Hey, Bill.
I saw that you'd posted a horror story, so I was all over it like stink on shi...well, you know...
Quentin, Pogo's brother, used the behemoth like a gangster leader would use his henchmen. Q's ideas were usually agreed on because of twenty factors. One was his charm and persuasive manner. The other nineteen were the foolish guys who were corrected, with extreme prejudice (at the high school level), by Pogo's unforgiving fists. Those high-profile arguments smoothed the way to capitulation.
... H-m-mmmmm..., not an uncommon thing for the brainiac nerd to be able to manipulate a neanderthal. In fact, I think it's encouraged in most cultures ...
Within two steps, Pogo's mind was taken over by the ghost of Dexter Dithers. ... Oh hell, wouldn't you know it? The ghost just had to go into the biggest, strongest, largest badass (albeit as dumb as a box of rocks) in the whole dang group? That doesn't bode well for the Ditherton High gang I would imagine...
Immediately after the fourth teen emerged from the opening, all were grabbed in a huge bear hug by Dither, via Pogo's engulfing embrace. Crunching like a sack of pretzels, the condemned quartet were reduced to a semi-fused glob of dead flesh. Their spray paint cans gushed yellow and orange hues that mixed with the scarlet blood and flowed from the gory mess. ... See?
What did I tell ya? ...
Mills brought up an idea for an adventure. "Let's go and bust up the old Dither mansion! It will be a gas!"
This would be his third trip there. ... Either Mills was totally off his rocker, or he'd figured out a devious way to eliminate any of his male competition.
Good story, Bill. Bloody, gory, and very entertaining.
I noticed no spag nor glaring errors to mention.
Thanks for the entertainment...
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Thanks for giving this the once over, Dean. It won't win any prizes, but I killed off a few people at least.
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Ya never know, Bill. You might just be surprised.
Good luck...
~Dean :}
Comment from frogbook
Seems like the boy might have landed on his head, not his shoulder, seeing as how he wants to go back. Great and scary story that held the reader's interest with nonstop horror and excellent characters.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Seems like the boy might have landed on his head, not his shoulder, seeing as how he wants to go back. Great and scary story that held the reader's interest with nonstop horror and excellent characters.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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I added a final line: This will be his third trip there. This lines up Mills initial thought that this adventure was his second worst idea. This suggests he'd been to the mansion before with similar results.
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A wild idea my friend-ha.
