Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

This is a very nice and well done minute poem. I can picture your words. Your rhythm and rhymes are right on. Sweet September , May you always have that memory.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Thank you so very much! I appreciate your review and the specifics of what you liked. This is so helpful.
Cynthia1

Comment from RoostyNester

Excellent

Very nice minute poem. Yes the beautiful butterflies. How sweet the story about you and your son enjoying the comfort of a wonderful day sitting by your special stream. Well written in style of verse and rhyme.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Thank you for your very supportive response to my work. I do appreciate your time and the critique.
Cynthia1

Comment from heyjude

Excellent

Cynthia, what a beautiful minute poem. That is such a lovely
memory to share with your great-grandson. How delightful
that you have been able to share that memory several times.
great job on the rhyming. Great picture to go with it.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Thank you! Yes, the yellow butterfly has become a real symbol for us. We are continually"meeting her" along the way. I appreciate your kind words.
Cynthia1

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Beautiful in color
in design and lines
The butterfly comes alive
possessing human qualities
of love..reminding the poet
of special moments
Good work...

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Nika,
Thank you so much! Your words are so encouraging! I appreciate your reading my poem and commenting in such a positive manner.
Cynthia1

Comment from writeapoem

Excellent

What a lovely scene you paint in words. What a blessing having your grandson marvel at what God has done in making your yellow butterfly softly soar by you and him humming in the wind. Thanks for sharing this act of love sent by the sender above.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Thank you for the kind words. I am glad that you enjoyed the poem.
Cynthia1

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

What a sweet memory Cynthia, written into a minute poem.

Excellent form and rhyme throughout. Perfect artwork to compliment your work.

Well done.

Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Janet,
Thank you so much.I appreciate the specifics of what you liked about the poem. This is so helpful.
Cynthia1

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This is lovely and wistful. Great rhymes. As the contest says you need not use iambic meter, I am giving five stars but I honestly think it would flow more fluidly with formal meter, as this form usually has. I don't know why the site changes the rules of a form for a contest. Makes no sense to me, since part of the beautiful of this form is the musicality engendered by the meter and rhyme (both).

Anyway, this reads well in spite of being no iambic in some lines, and it has lots of rich phonetics like the medley of S, W, L and P and sounds woven through. Sounds good read aloud. I do think it would be ideal to use more punctuation to sculpt phrases--also because you have used a period, comma and dash in some lines but no punctuation in others. I recommend using either full or no punctuation for this poem. Here are some ideas for your consideration (base don how I 'hear' your poem read aloud):


We glanced around(,) and you were there(--)
a windswept air
chasing sweet dreams
in mountain streams(.)

Your golden wings waved in delight
mid graceful flight-
a love token
softly spoken(.)

At special times(,) you reappear.
When you are near,
we remember
sweet September(.)

Lovely emotional depth...beautiful presentation.

Good luck!


Warm Wishes,
rd

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Rama,
Your reviews are always so very helpful. I have only been a member of Fan Story for a little over 2 months, and I have already learned SO much from you! Thank you for taking the time to help other novice writers!
Cynthia1

reply by rama devi on 14-Aug-2016

Thanks for your very gracious response, dear. Much appreciated! Warm Smiles, rd

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2016

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

Cynthia,m this is a beautifully written and presented special memory of that day. Good luck in the contest. Blessings for a great weekend. Patricia

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

Thank you for the positive review. I appreciate you reading my poem and taking the time to comment.
Cynthia1

Comment from Bollie

Excellent

What a beautiful poem that has great imagery and a GREAT picture that combine to make this poem come alive. The rhyming is really good and unforced and the syllable count is consistent which makes the poem flow effortlessly. Really good job, keep up the good work. Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your affirmative comments.
Cynthia1

reply by Bollie on 13-Aug-2016

You're very welcome, Cynthia. I really love reading your poetry. It's been an honor to review your work. Have a wonderful day.

reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

Why, thank you, Bollie.
Cynthia1

Comment from Alan K Pease

Excellent

Your poem (Our Yellow Butterfly) fits the constraints of this form of poetry with the memory of shared love. The rhyme is excellent as is the thought of a mountain stream of which I too have fond memories.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2016

I am glad that you liked the poem and I do appreciate your review.
Cynthia1