Teardrop
.....crying out26 total reviews
Comment from Gianinas
"Could it be this
(the) teardrop knows
This world is totally out of control
expecting end (of) time is near"
I gave you two suggestions, but it is your call. I can see that you wanted to achieve some sort of musicality and personification with the repetition of 'this'. Thank you for the poem, my favorite were the last three lines.
Gianina
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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"Could it be this
(the) teardrop knows
This world is totally out of control
expecting end (of) time is near"
I gave you two suggestions, but it is your call. I can see that you wanted to achieve some sort of musicality and personification with the repetition of 'this'. Thank you for the poem, my favorite were the last three lines.
Gianina
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your review, very kind comments and suggestions . I have made the necessary corrections. You kindness and honest review is greatly appreciated.. Blessings....................Portia
Comment from WalkerMan
This perfectly illustrated poem, aptly set in matching blue on contrasting black for the mourning involved, tugged at my heart (as the topic warrants) with well-turned phrases, justified anguish, and courageous determination to speak up and be heard in hope of making a difference. What you say here is important, and I applaud it. Superb, earning you my last Six for this week.
Since it would not violate the "no rhyming patterns" rule, you might want to change "killed" to "slain" just for smoothness in reading.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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This perfectly illustrated poem, aptly set in matching blue on contrasting black for the mourning involved, tugged at my heart (as the topic warrants) with well-turned phrases, justified anguish, and courageous determination to speak up and be heard in hope of making a difference. What you say here is important, and I applaud it. Superb, earning you my last Six for this week.
Since it would not violate the "no rhyming patterns" rule, you might want to change "killed" to "slain" just for smoothness in reading.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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WalkerMan,
Thanks so much for such an outstanding review and the six star rating. Your very kind comments are greatly appreciated, you truly made my day. Thanks for the bringing to my attention the word "Killed"; I changed it as you suggested, I certainly do appreciate you help. Blessings....... Portia
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You're welcome, Portia. I see the change; but, oddly, the System is not showing me the Six-Star rating I gave you, so I don't want to make matters worse by trying to remove my remark about the wording (as is normally what I do when a writer makes a change I recommended). Ah, now I see why -- someone negated the Six by giving you a Four. Well, your next six from a different reviewer will restore that rating. -- Mike
Comment from fayesh
I like the theme of your poem. However, your poem lacks the rhythm and flow of lyrical free verse. It's like there is a "stop light" before you begin the next stanza. Also, the abrupt "all lives matter" should fall somewhere within the stanzas without the quotation marks.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I like the theme of your poem. However, your poem lacks the rhythm and flow of lyrical free verse. It's like there is a "stop light" before you begin the next stanza. Also, the abrupt "all lives matter" should fall somewhere within the stanzas without the quotation marks.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and comments. Blessings..................Portia
Comment from joannakruk
You say you're not very good at free verse but this is fabulous. The persistent reference to the teardrop acts as a constant reminder of the pervasive harm that spawns the flow. Hate is destructive, there is no other way to describe it. Well done
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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You say you're not very good at free verse but this is fabulous. The persistent reference to the teardrop acts as a constant reminder of the pervasive harm that spawns the flow. Hate is destructive, there is no other way to describe it. Well done
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments they are greatly appreciated. Blessings.................Portia
Comment from RoostyNester
I love your poem and I agree completely. Something has to change or our country is going to collapse. We need changes to the way people think. So much has gotten out of hand. Your poem gives insight to what is wrong with our system. Very good.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I love your poem and I agree completely. Something has to change or our country is going to collapse. We need changes to the way people think. So much has gotten out of hand. Your poem gives insight to what is wrong with our system. Very good.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments. Blessings..................Portia
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Moving poem. Great art work too. Where did you find it? "innocent people are being killed by terrorist acts and vicious deeds." Never has this been more true. I used to think crime and violence was about the same as always but we just heard about it more due to the internet. Now I believe things really are getting worse.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Moving poem. Great art work too. Where did you find it? "innocent people are being killed by terrorist acts and vicious deeds." Never has this been more true. I used to think crime and violence was about the same as always but we just heard about it more due to the internet. Now I believe things really are getting worse.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments they are greatly appreciated. I found the artwork on Google images. Blessings my friend.........................Portia
Comment from flylikeaneagle
I ran out of gold to give you! I like your repeats and issues you raise as your
tear drop falls and you cry out. I also cry out while I walk dogs and pray. I've
done a Jericho walk of eight days for new beginnings around our high school.
My daughter was severly abused and bullied by class mates and teachers. Yes,
the police were involved to help us. I'll cry with you and God hears our cries!
God bless. Keep crying or writing.... flylikeaneagle
(One of the masters of free verse is Mikey on this site and another is e.e. cummings).
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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I ran out of gold to give you! I like your repeats and issues you raise as your
tear drop falls and you cry out. I also cry out while I walk dogs and pray. I've
done a Jericho walk of eight days for new beginnings around our high school.
My daughter was severly abused and bullied by class mates and teachers. Yes,
the police were involved to help us. I'll cry with you and God hears our cries!
God bless. Keep crying or writing.... flylikeaneagle
(One of the masters of free verse is Mikey on this site and another is e.e. cummings).
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Nancy, my friend you are too kind. Thanks so much for your outstanding review and very encouraging comments, they are greatly appreciated. Blessings.........................Portia
Comment from Jesse James Doty
A very heartfelt message is contained in this free verse poem. I like the first stanza the best. I like the theme of a teardrop returning in each verse. If I may make one suggestion, it would be, to change the first line of the last stanza to, "As this teardrop rolls DOWN my cheek,,,", instead of "...rolls drop my cheek." That aside, I think you did a good job on your first try. Keep writing! You definitely are talented and expressive in your choice of words. Thanks for sharing.
Peace, Jesse
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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A very heartfelt message is contained in this free verse poem. I like the first stanza the best. I like the theme of a teardrop returning in each verse. If I may make one suggestion, it would be, to change the first line of the last stanza to, "As this teardrop rolls DOWN my cheek,,,", instead of "...rolls drop my cheek." That aside, I think you did a good job on your first try. Keep writing! You definitely are talented and expressive in your choice of words. Thanks for sharing.
Peace, Jesse
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Jesse,
Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments. Your support is greatly appreciated and thanks so much for bringing the typo to my attention. Blessings my friend........................Portia
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I'm glad I could help, and be supportive. Thanks for taking my suggestion so gracefully, my friend.
Jesse
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Thanks so much my friend, I really appreciate your support. Blessings
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Bill Schott
The free verse, Teardrop, speaks loudly against the violence that crosses the globe and our neighborhoods. Allusions to ISIS, police brutality, and retribution crimes remind us that we have to affect the change we want.
The poetry challenge here was on competition. I might squint and see that theme, but don't know.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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The free verse, Teardrop, speaks loudly against the violence that crosses the globe and our neighborhoods. Allusions to ISIS, police brutality, and retribution crimes remind us that we have to affect the change we want.
The poetry challenge here was on competition. I might squint and see that theme, but don't know.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Bill,
Thanks so much for your review and comments. Blessings.................Portia
Comment from seaglass
History is filled with decades of hate and greed that raged against innocents throughout the world. Humanity continues to repeat the same horrible mistakes. Now days, social media and constant news keep us daily aware of it's intensity. It breaks the hearts of those with true compassion. We must all do our best to stand against the haters and greed that marches on. Your poem is a touching reminder.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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History is filled with decades of hate and greed that raged against innocents throughout the world. Humanity continues to repeat the same horrible mistakes. Now days, social media and constant news keep us daily aware of it's intensity. It breaks the hearts of those with true compassion. We must all do our best to stand against the haters and greed that marches on. Your poem is a touching reminder.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for your review and very kind comments. Blessings..........................Portia
