Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Bike Race"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
22 total reviews
Comment from Ann Tran
It was a good read. I was looking for more delving into Cody's past. I was intrigued though and felt like I was sitting there with a highball also listening to your story.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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It was a good read. I was looking for more delving into Cody's past. I was intrigued though and felt like I was sitting there with a highball also listening to your story.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Cody's past comes out as the story progresses. I invite you to follow along as it does. Appreciate you taking the time to read and write a review.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
I found the story interesting and very well written. My only criticism would be the descriptive language used by the story teller. It sounds more like a narrative, describing the trees and such. But I do understand why it is written that way. Over all it is very well done and I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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I found the story interesting and very well written. My only criticism would be the descriptive language used by the story teller. It sounds more like a narrative, describing the trees and such. But I do understand why it is written that way. Over all it is very well done and I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Brett. I am rather new here. Thank you for your notes. I think this may be the first chapter I've read. Your notes were very helpful. This well written and accurately displays how young boys think. I missed the fight it it happened in previous chapters. Matt saying lion is funny enough. But, Cody thinking he said liar is hilarious. I just do not know what happened in the original fight. Maybe I am confused. I look forward to more work by you. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Hi, Brett. I am rather new here. Thank you for your notes. I think this may be the first chapter I've read. Your notes were very helpful. This well written and accurately displays how young boys think. I missed the fight it it happened in previous chapters. Matt saying lion is funny enough. But, Cody thinking he said liar is hilarious. I just do not know what happened in the original fight. Maybe I am confused. I look forward to more work by you. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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The fight is the next chapter, so you have not missed it at all. Appreciate the well thought out and supportive review and do invite you to continue reading this story. MANY FanStorians have told me for two years now how much they enjoy Cody. Never thought I'd revised the story, but if that is what it takes to get it published, I suppose I don't have much other choice.
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Good luck!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This story of Cody is getting livelier and interesting, adventurous but realistic, filmy, in the bike race he willingly leaps off his blue Mongoose to teach Matt; fight is on; I like. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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This story of Cody is getting livelier and interesting, adventurous but realistic, filmy, in the bike race he willingly leaps off his blue Mongoose to teach Matt; fight is on; I like. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this posting.
Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Yet another good Cody story.
This new 'play' style will be good I think.
I like the conversation between the narrator and the characters.
Well done.
Sharon
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Yet another good Cody story.
This new 'play' style will be good I think.
I like the conversation between the narrator and the characters.
Well done.
Sharon
Comment Written 18-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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The conversation between the characters and the narrator does add more to the Play. Glad you enjoyed this posting and appreciate the comments.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You are converting this nicely so far. It still reads a bit like a novel. You have gotten the character dialog well on its way to script - maybe just a bit more stage direction regarding expression or emotion in italics would finish it out. The narration could be a bit less bookish - it's like being read to as opposed to an observer offering his / her perspective on events. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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You are converting this nicely so far. It still reads a bit like a novel. You have gotten the character dialog well on its way to script - maybe just a bit more stage direction regarding expression or emotion in italics would finish it out. The narration could be a bit less bookish - it's like being read to as opposed to an observer offering his / her perspective on events. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Appreciate the insights. They will be taken into consideration, so keep them coming.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I like the smoothness of this one and thank you for explaining to me why I thought I had read this before...de ja vue.
Nice one for the play
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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I like the smoothness of this one and thank you for explaining to me why I thought I had read this before...de ja vue.
Nice one for the play
Comment Written 04-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from misscookie
I must confess due my stroke my memory
is not all way at it's best.
I do remember the story
but don't know what you changed.
It's all good to me. LOL
Cookie
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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I must confess due my stroke my memory
is not all way at it's best.
I do remember the story
but don't know what you changed.
It's all good to me. LOL
Cookie
Comment Written 04-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this misscookie!
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It was great.
Cookie
Comment from create4christ
This was the first section I read, when I started Fanstory. I'm still really enjoying Cody's story.
As always, thank you for sharing...Penny
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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This was the first section I read, when I started Fanstory. I'm still really enjoying Cody's story.
As always, thank you for sharing...Penny
Comment Written 04-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated. Much more to come.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Brett, I now why I like this story and the way you write. In this story the house number of Brock Daniels red brick home 1313. The home I grew up in was red brick and the house number was 1313. Amazing what a small world we live in.
Is something happening inside Cody's mind?? Given the things Cody has lived through, is having Matt as a friend becoming a reality for him?
I wish you well in your upcoming endeavor! I wish that I could attend one of your shows!
Have a great day my friend,,,,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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Brett, I now why I like this story and the way you write. In this story the house number of Brock Daniels red brick home 1313. The home I grew up in was red brick and the house number was 1313. Amazing what a small world we live in.
Is something happening inside Cody's mind?? Given the things Cody has lived through, is having Matt as a friend becoming a reality for him?
I wish you well in your upcoming endeavor! I wish that I could attend one of your shows!
Have a great day my friend,,,,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 04-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
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I lived in 1313 Maid Marion Lane when I was a little boy.
Not red brick though.
So, I thought it was only fitting Cody did too.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
Your comments and support appreciated.
