Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Bike Race"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
22 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like this parallel: "Matt marched to the beat of a different drum. The crazy thing was Cody heard the same one." Good alliteration & similes. And more good examples of allusions. This will endear Cody to the reader and possibly to identify:
"He couldn't recall many pleasant memories so he kept most of those secrets bottled up way down deep inside himself." Cody's PTSD will be playing a strong part in his like.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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I like this parallel: "Matt marched to the beat of a different drum. The crazy thing was Cody heard the same one." Good alliteration & similes. And more good examples of allusions. This will endear Cody to the reader and possibly to identify:
"He couldn't recall many pleasant memories so he kept most of those secrets bottled up way down deep inside himself." Cody's PTSD will be playing a strong part in his like.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Thanks.
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I identify with Cody
Comment from Sugarray77
Your story is a great addition to the Cody project you are developing. You quickened the pace with the bike race and ensuing fight... hey boys are boys. I liked this chapter and look forward to the next one.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Your story is a great addition to the Cody project you are developing. You quickened the pace with the bike race and ensuing fight... hey boys are boys. I liked this chapter and look forward to the next one.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thanks.
Comment from poetwatch
You write a very good story, Brett. I got to read the first part. It seems like Cody has personal problems that he doesn't want to share. Only his friend knows but now it looks like Cody will be a loner once again. The way of young children, fight today tomorrow we can be friends or hold a grudge forever. Guess we'll find out on the next chapter. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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You write a very good story, Brett. I got to read the first part. It seems like Cody has personal problems that he doesn't want to share. Only his friend knows but now it looks like Cody will be a loner once again. The way of young children, fight today tomorrow we can be friends or hold a grudge forever. Guess we'll find out on the next chapter. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thanks.
Comment from Earl Corp
I like how you described the boys growing close as friends. The confrontation at the end of the race came as a surprise, there wasn't really a build up to the action by Cody. I think showing Cody out of a home or school setting was a good idea. Interested to see how you handle the boy"s tiff.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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I like how you described the boys growing close as friends. The confrontation at the end of the race came as a surprise, there wasn't really a build up to the action by Cody. I think showing Cody out of a home or school setting was a good idea. Interested to see how you handle the boy"s tiff.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thanks.
Comment from Katya
Nice work! I really enjoyed this one. Got pulled right in. You do do dialogue well.
It does seem that it and "consequences" are both called "chapter 2", though.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Nice work! I really enjoyed this one. Got pulled right in. You do do dialogue well.
It does seem that it and "consequences" are both called "chapter 2", though.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter of Cody's story. Don't know why the one "Chapter 2" was visible. It was supposed to be Disabled and therefore not readable. A glitch in the system perhaps.
Comment from apky
Another excellent prose that flowed well with unique dialogue relevant and believable to the characters. The protagonist continues to be true to his character and a fascinating and riveting personality.
His name is(was-best to keep to the past tense, which is the one used throughout your story) Matthew David Cochran.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Another excellent prose that flowed well with unique dialogue relevant and believable to the characters. The protagonist continues to be true to his character and a fascinating and riveting personality.
His name is(was-best to keep to the past tense, which is the one used throughout your story) Matthew David Cochran.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate you support and reviews.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Boys will be boys guaranteed.
Foes one minute and allies the next.
I enjoyed the style of storytelling you have used...where the words read as though they are just rolling off the tongue.
Relaxed,unstressed and quite natural dialogue.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Boys will be boys guaranteed.
Foes one minute and allies the next.
I enjoyed the style of storytelling you have used...where the words read as though they are just rolling off the tongue.
Relaxed,unstressed and quite natural dialogue.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 23-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thank you. Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from JanPerry
Thank you for putting background notes. A necessity I would say.
You have written in extreme detail about Cody's life with wonderful descriptions. Do you have a fixation on small boys or just Cody?
I had to ask.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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Thank you for putting background notes. A necessity I would say.
You have written in extreme detail about Cody's life with wonderful descriptions. Do you have a fixation on small boys or just Cody?
I had to ask.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
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In response to your question, in some ways I find offensive (especially what could be implied from it about being "fixated on little boys"), with more than 11,000 documented reads here on FanStory alone from my Cody stories, and a live stage production made out of Astatula here in Nashville, as a writer, I will take that type of success all day long.
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Congratulations on your success.
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Congratulations on your success.
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Congratulations on your success.
Comment from Harry Smith
This is another well written chapter that kept the reader interested from the beginning until the end. The reader will be back to read more.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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This is another well written chapter that kept the reader interested from the beginning until the end. The reader will be back to read more.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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Thank you. Appreciate you taking the time to read this portion of Cody's story and write a review.
Comment from karenina
Nice tale of your youth. Most of us have been blessed by God with the fine ability to alter our memory just enough to fudge on the facts that may not be favorable to our actions...always good when recounting actions like this.....
Karenina
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Nice tale of your youth. Most of us have been blessed by God with the fine ability to alter our memory just enough to fudge on the facts that may not be favorable to our actions...always good when recounting actions like this.....
Karenina
Comment Written 19-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my autobiography. Much more to come, so I invite you to ride along as the rest of my story unfolds.
