The True Test
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The True Test"Teachers are left to survive
20 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Very good premise here and this sounds so much like the beginning to something more. A made a few notes to do with as you will! LOL
There had been no weather forecast predicting rain. - you could smooth this and trim it down to No rain had been predicted. The rest would be inferred.
The second paragraph whilst tension building is a little passive. In almost every sentence you use had. was. or were. A tell-tale sign of telling over showing.
'The sky darkened quickly. No rain had been predicted. It began shortly after one and a deep grey covered the sky by two. By three thirty we released the restless students. I called up the weather channel on the compiter but it showed only clear skies. The oppressive atmosphere we experienced while waiting at the bus loop felt wrong. Very wrong. We should have forgone the faculty meeting, but we didn't. We really should have left...' - just an example of writing around the those words.
Pam the computer teacher sat next to me - Pam, the computer teacher, sat next to me.
People used there phones to get to exit - their./ the exit or exits.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Hi there,
Very good premise here and this sounds so much like the beginning to something more. A made a few notes to do with as you will! LOL
There had been no weather forecast predicting rain. - you could smooth this and trim it down to No rain had been predicted. The rest would be inferred.
The second paragraph whilst tension building is a little passive. In almost every sentence you use had. was. or were. A tell-tale sign of telling over showing.
'The sky darkened quickly. No rain had been predicted. It began shortly after one and a deep grey covered the sky by two. By three thirty we released the restless students. I called up the weather channel on the compiter but it showed only clear skies. The oppressive atmosphere we experienced while waiting at the bus loop felt wrong. Very wrong. We should have forgone the faculty meeting, but we didn't. We really should have left...' - just an example of writing around the those words.
Pam the computer teacher sat next to me - Pam, the computer teacher, sat next to me.
People used there phones to get to exit - their./ the exit or exits.
All the best
G
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Great suggestions and as always I will go back and look closely at all of them. I just think the premise of a high school faculty would make a great survival story. It is so diverse, Math , English, Science, History, Music, wood working Electronics, Foreign Language, computer teachers, physics, Chemistry, Home economics. The knowledge and different skills could really come in handy in a disaster. Thank you for liking the premise. I am going to keep writing this one.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Great story. I am looking forward to the next installments. I will definitely follow this one. Can't imagine what happened but can't wait to find out.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2016
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Great story. I am looking forward to the next installments. I will definitely follow this one. Can't imagine what happened but can't wait to find out.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2016
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thank you, it is a fascinating concept. High school teachers. All the different subjects. Diversity. Survival. This could be fun.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from cleo85
Wow!
This story is pretty scary, but by the same time gripping. On has to read to the end. Than what? There is no really a end to it, so the reader thinks of a zillion possibilities. This story looks like the first chapter of a book, a book which will be gripping the reader.... oh boy, that seems not one book, but ..... I any case its a really good story which got my attention. I am by no means a writer, which could give technical advice. I am just an artist who is very much honored to provide the illustration. Thank you much for choosing my painting.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Wow!
This story is pretty scary, but by the same time gripping. On has to read to the end. Than what? There is no really a end to it, so the reader thinks of a zillion possibilities. This story looks like the first chapter of a book, a book which will be gripping the reader.... oh boy, that seems not one book, but ..... I any case its a really good story which got my attention. I am by no means a writer, which could give technical advice. I am just an artist who is very much honored to provide the illustration. Thank you much for choosing my painting.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Cleo, Thank you , Here is my thinking. A High School Faculty is so Diverse. English, Math , Historian , Musician, Athletics, Athletic trainers, Counselors, Art, Wood Work, Mechanics, electronics, etc. How would they survive as a group? I think I will continue this. You are so encouraging. That really helps me.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from Judy Couch
This is an interesting beginning to what could be a much longer story. Have you turned it into a novel? Where do I find more of it?
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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This is an interesting beginning to what could be a much longer story. Have you turned it into a novel? Where do I find more of it?
Comment Written 03-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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, Here is my thinking. A High School Faculty is so Diverse. English, Math , Historian , Musician, Athletics, Athletic trainers, Counselors, Art, Wood Work, Mechanics, electronics, etc. How would they survive as a group? I think I will continue this. You are so encouraging. That really helps me. Thank you so much. You inspire me.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from LIJ Red
Hot dang, asteroid strike followed by particulate winter. I read they are launching a space probe to study one that may whack Terra in 150 years or so...excellent one of those days prompt story.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Hot dang, asteroid strike followed by particulate winter. I read they are launching a space probe to study one that may whack Terra in 150 years or so...excellent one of those days prompt story.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Yes and I think it would be interesting if a group of high school teachers had to survive. They are so diverse, History, English, Math Social studies , Science , Athletes, Athletic trainers, Musicians, Home economics, etc. How would they use their different knowledge to survive. I think I will keep writing this one.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from Kooky Clown
A good and well written story with enough suspense to keep the reader interested and to want them to keep reading to find out what, how and why the events happened but we will never know?
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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A good and well written story with enough suspense to keep the reader interested and to want them to keep reading to find out what, how and why the events happened but we will never know?
Comment Written 03-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2016
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Yes, I want to explore what would happen if a group of teachers were left, High school teachers are so diverse, english, math, science, history, woodwork, electronics, physics, government,music , athletes. They would have a vast group knowledge but how would they use it to survive.
I may keep writing.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from light
Wow! That was frightening. I could feel the panic of the people, and am anxious bro know what happened. It certainly was one if those days. Hope you do well in the contest.
Elaine
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Wow! That was frightening. I could feel the panic of the people, and am anxious bro know what happened. It certainly was one if those days. Hope you do well in the contest.
Elaine
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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thank you, I enjoyed writing it . I hope to continue it. I think it is an interesting concept that a faculty of teachers are left alive. You have such a diverse group. English, foreign language, Science people Historians. Athletes. Wood workers. Musicians. computer techs, mathematicians. It could turn into a interesting story of survival.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from Heather Knight
I have loved your story, in fact I'd given you 6 stars but for some reason my iPad won't let me.
There's something that worries me though. I don't know what caused the explosions and how they were related to the weather. Sorry, I'm probably just being thick .
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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I have loved your story, in fact I'd given you 6 stars but for some reason my iPad won't let me.
There's something that worries me though. I don't know what caused the explosions and how they were related to the weather. Sorry, I'm probably just being thick .
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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No, in all honesty. I haven't figured it out yet. I think it is going to be an alien invasion. I was under a deadline and I just wanted to get it in. Also I wanted to talk about how much I hate standardized testing. I think I will write more of it. thank you for your kind words, Like you said I wasn't clear at all what happened.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
What happened?? Earthquake? Bomb? SOmething that affected the wohle area if they culdn't make phone calls. Well written piece tht held my attention. :)
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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What happened?? Earthquake? Bomb? SOmething that affected the wohle area if they culdn't make phone calls. Well written piece tht held my attention. :)
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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thank you , Honestly I don't know yet. Sometimes I just start writing. but wouldn't it be interesting to find out how a school faculty would react to the end of the world as we know it. Teachers, coaches, Musicians, Historians, Mathematicians, Hopefully the school nurse, the shop teacher, Art, theatre , Librarian.Historian, Counselors,
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery Author, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, An excellent story about the end of civilisation with powerful description and imagery which put the reader right there on the spot.I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Hi Mystery Author, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, An excellent story about the end of civilisation with powerful description and imagery which put the reader right there on the spot.I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much Eric. It was fun writing because I am a teacher. It would be fun to explore how a group of teachers face disaster.
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I just wrote chapter two of the True Test . I hope you will read it.
