haiku (fawn walks cautiously)
Walks with caution.......8 total reviews
Comment from NHazelwood
From just a few words the author creates a intriguing mental picture of a winter scene that could only be observed in the still and quiet of the forest such is this poem serene and peaceful. And the picture beautifully captures for this poem in this endearing moment!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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From just a few words the author creates a intriguing mental picture of a winter scene that could only be observed in the still and quiet of the forest such is this poem serene and peaceful. And the picture beautifully captures for this poem in this endearing moment!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and your exceptional comments. I am so glad you you were able to observe how the stillness and quiet brings serenity and peace. Have a great weekend!
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Thank you have a wonderful weekend too!
Comment from krys123
Dear Contender:
-I see you are I see your eye and the lead in the contest but I think you should be aware that there are no author's note so you may be disqualified!
-Your haiku is very intense and quite effective in the picture so appropriate to be relative to your conceptual theme.
-I hope you good luck in the contest.
Alex
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016
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Dear Contender:
-I see you are I see your eye and the lead in the contest but I think you should be aware that there are no author's note so you may be disqualified!
-Your haiku is very intense and quite effective in the picture so appropriate to be relative to your conceptual theme.
-I hope you good luck in the contest.
Alex
Comment Written 01-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for your review and great comments. Hope you are doing well - have a great week!
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You are very welcome Harmony Congratulations on your win and you are lucky you want disqualified.
Alex
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Thank you, Alex.....
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, Fawn Walks Cautiously, uses some clever assonance and consonance rhyming in its three brief but poignant lines. Nice.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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This haiku, Fawn Walks Cautiously, uses some clever assonance and consonance rhyming in its three brief but poignant lines. Nice.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your exceptional comments. Hope you are having a great Sunday!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
You followed the rules of the contest well. Your haiku has less than 17 syllables, two grammatically connected lines, no more than one piece of art, no author notes, and a pretty good satori. Good job!
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Hello, my friend,
You followed the rules of the contest well. Your haiku has less than 17 syllables, two grammatically connected lines, no more than one piece of art, no author notes, and a pretty good satori. Good job!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your great comments. Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday!
Comment from Allison78
I think this is a beautiful haiku you have written. I doesn't seem to matter how many deer I see, they always seem so mysteriously beautiful to me. I do have a suggestion for the last line as I think it reads a little awkward with "the" before forest but then it would give you too many syllables. I wonder if would flow better if it read "a risk in the wood", just an idea! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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I think this is a beautiful haiku you have written. I doesn't seem to matter how many deer I see, they always seem so mysteriously beautiful to me. I do have a suggestion for the last line as I think it reads a little awkward with "the" before forest but then it would give you too many syllables. I wonder if would flow better if it read "a risk in the wood", just an idea! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for your exceptional review and your excellent comments. Thanks to your comments I did make
changes and the poem sound much better. I appreciated your detailed review.
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Your so welcome!
Comment from RodG
Even nature's creatures are instinctively cautious regarding peril. You seem to be reminding us of nature's first law: survival of the fittest.
May I suggest you strengthen your image by eliminating the weak verb "is" and the equally weak participle "stepping" by rephrasing lines 1-2:
the fawn cautiously
steps on to the thin ice
Much improved with the new wording.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Even nature's creatures are instinctively cautious regarding peril. You seem to be reminding us of nature's first law: survival of the fittest.
May I suggest you strengthen your image by eliminating the weak verb "is" and the equally weak participle "stepping" by rephrasing lines 1-2:
the fawn cautiously
steps on to the thin ice
Much improved with the new wording.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the review and your great comments. I did make changes to the poem and used some of your suggestions. Have a great weekend!
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I like your revision much more and upgraded my rating.
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Thank you so much - I am so glad you liked the revisions........
Have a great weekend! harmony13
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I liked the observation imagery of the first two lines. Although, I have to say that I'm not sure the final line matches up. No fear, total trust doesn't sit well with cautious in my opinion. It strikes as a little contradictory.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Hi there,
I liked the observation imagery of the first two lines. Although, I have to say that I'm not sure the final line matches up. No fear, total trust doesn't sit well with cautious in my opinion. It strikes as a little contradictory.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank so muc for your review and your excellent comments. I wasn't sure about the 3rd line myself so after getting
your review I changed it. I appreciate your honesty......
Comment from LisaD123
This is an excellent entry to the contest. The poem meets the rules of the contest and I enjoyed the originality of it. The imagery creates a vivid picture in the reader's mind. Good luck for the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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This is an excellent entry to the contest. The poem meets the rules of the contest and I enjoyed the originality of it. The imagery creates a vivid picture in the reader's mind. Good luck for the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and your great comments. Have a great weekend!
