Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Nature's Call"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
23 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
"This makes for a great story and well rounded plot!"
"Thick in...
"Childhood Adventures" "Cody's Very, Very, VERY, BAD, DAY..
"Just got worse with that snake!"
"My ending?"
"Dad gets bit and Cody to the rescue!
Ricky1024.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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"This makes for a great story and well rounded plot!"
"Thick in...
"Childhood Adventures" "Cody's Very, Very, VERY, BAD, DAY..
"Just got worse with that snake!"
"My ending?"
"Dad gets bit and Cody to the rescue!
Ricky1024.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
It was one of those days. The lure of the expedition excited the young Volunteer Deputy Cadets. "This is the very best day ever!" Cody beamed to his best friend Matt Cochran. The boys looked forward to their overnight camping excursion to the world famous Brazos River with eager anticipation.
Awesome plot and character development, well done~
Gypsy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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It was one of those days. The lure of the expedition excited the young Volunteer Deputy Cadets. "This is the very best day ever!" Cody beamed to his best friend Matt Cochran. The boys looked forward to their overnight camping excursion to the world famous Brazos River with eager anticipation.
Awesome plot and character development, well done~
Gypsy
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from create4christ
This is another very good story about Cody Schroder. I couldn't look at your picture, but the story drew me in from word one. Good luck with your IT WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS contest entry.
Thank you for sharing. ..Penny
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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This is another very good story about Cody Schroder. I couldn't look at your picture, but the story drew me in from word one. Good luck with your IT WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS contest entry.
Thank you for sharing. ..Penny
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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What? You do not like snakes?
Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Your comments and support appreciated as I keep writing about what I have discovered is my niche - Cody Schroder stories.
Comment from William Ross
good write on it was just one of those days, always have to be on the look out for snakes they are nothing to take lightly. good job and good luck on this, have a great day
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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good write on it was just one of those days, always have to be on the look out for snakes they are nothing to take lightly. good job and good luck on this, have a great day
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from barkingdog
Just what Cody needed--a rattler. He already has a sprained or broken ankle and has had a severe reprimand from his father. NOW a snake ready to strike.
Cody's bad day has gotten worse.
Good story. I like tales about trouble kids get into.
Some suggestions to do with as you wish:
- For a moment [in time] he sat still
-If Cody could have cried(,) he would have(, b)ut[,] he could not.
- He(had) knocked the wind out
-"I'm okay, Dad," Cody bravely told the Sheriff, [saying,] "it's just my ankle.(One speech tag is sufficient.)
-blond head of yours(,) so it does not have to
- loud and clear(,) Dad!"
-eliminate some exclamation points in order to make the ones that you do leave more effective.
:) e
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Just what Cody needed--a rattler. He already has a sprained or broken ankle and has had a severe reprimand from his father. NOW a snake ready to strike.
Cody's bad day has gotten worse.
Good story. I like tales about trouble kids get into.
Some suggestions to do with as you wish:
- For a moment [in time] he sat still
-If Cody could have cried(,) he would have(, b)ut[,] he could not.
- He(had) knocked the wind out
-"I'm okay, Dad," Cody bravely told the Sheriff, [saying,] "it's just my ankle.(One speech tag is sufficient.)
-blond head of yours(,) so it does not have to
- loud and clear(,) Dad!"
-eliminate some exclamation points in order to make the ones that you do leave more effective.
:) e
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale as I continue writing my niche - Cody Schroder stories.
Your comments, support, and edit suggestions appreciated.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Ouch! Don't tell me the snake bites him! If he hadn't fallen down the hill, he wouldn't have met that snake, so it was indirectly his own fault, but he doesn't deserve a snakebite, poor kid. :)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Ouch! Don't tell me the snake bites him! If he hadn't fallen down the hill, he wouldn't have met that snake, so it was indirectly his own fault, but he doesn't deserve a snakebite, poor kid. :)
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Like it when readers draw their own conclusions to my stories. (Was my intention with this one).
Makes my day!
I have actually heard other scenarios from other readers.
Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Mabaker
Oh Hell, how I hate snakes. When I saw the photo I just knew I'd not like the story. I was so right. Sheriff Daniels is a great teacher, but being his son must be no fun sometimes for young Cody. I like these stories. Regards Anne.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Oh Hell, how I hate snakes. When I saw the photo I just knew I'd not like the story. I was so right. Sheriff Daniels is a great teacher, but being his son must be no fun sometimes for young Cody. I like these stories. Regards Anne.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Cody has his shining moments, as all ten year old little boys do.
Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mystery Writer
I've enjoyed your short story which also is very much in line with the requirements of the prompt. Cody sure does have a bad day!!A good plot and great descriptions of what is going on. I felt I was there with the troop and enjoying an action-packed day. Your dialogue works well, and the reader has a strong sense of Cody's personality. It does bother me a bit about the Sheriff's reaction to Cody playing around instead of concentrating. I'm not sure I would not want a man in charge of my son, if he used a belt to whack his boys. This seems a bit out of place in your story, unless you are writing a story, or intend to continue this story into something more malevolent. Just my opinion, I would suggest changing that aggressive reaction. Up to you of course. :))
Your story needs a little work, especially since you've entered the contest. It has a lot going for it and you can edit. I will give you a four but would be happy to up-grade to a five if you address the errors. Please let me know. Otherwise, great work, your potential shows here. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
A few nits/spag: -
"cowboys of the Old West most of the boys emulated did." - The last part of your sentence doesn't make sense. Did you mean ... 'emulated them'.
"Sheriff Daniel(')s popular..."
"Horse(-)playing with a of(delete 'of') couple (add 'of') boys around him, instead of paying attention to the dirt path (they were meandering back to their campsite on, - suggest deleting this part of the sentence, it is too verbose) as Sheriff Daniels instructed the boys to do, Cody tripped over a rut he did not notice along the trail and stumbled.
"Sheriff Daniels popular weekend getaways for boys were always chocked full of fun events. This was Cody's first experience with them since he moved to Astatula." - I'm a little confused by this ... Sherif Daniels runs the weekend getaways and this is Cody's first experience. Later in the story you have Cody calling the Sheriff, Dad.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Hi Mystery Writer
I've enjoyed your short story which also is very much in line with the requirements of the prompt. Cody sure does have a bad day!!A good plot and great descriptions of what is going on. I felt I was there with the troop and enjoying an action-packed day. Your dialogue works well, and the reader has a strong sense of Cody's personality. It does bother me a bit about the Sheriff's reaction to Cody playing around instead of concentrating. I'm not sure I would not want a man in charge of my son, if he used a belt to whack his boys. This seems a bit out of place in your story, unless you are writing a story, or intend to continue this story into something more malevolent. Just my opinion, I would suggest changing that aggressive reaction. Up to you of course. :))
Your story needs a little work, especially since you've entered the contest. It has a lot going for it and you can edit. I will give you a four but would be happy to up-grade to a five if you address the errors. Please let me know. Otherwise, great work, your potential shows here. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
A few nits/spag: -
"cowboys of the Old West most of the boys emulated did." - The last part of your sentence doesn't make sense. Did you mean ... 'emulated them'.
"Sheriff Daniel(')s popular..."
"Horse(-)playing with a of(delete 'of') couple (add 'of') boys around him, instead of paying attention to the dirt path (they were meandering back to their campsite on, - suggest deleting this part of the sentence, it is too verbose) as Sheriff Daniels instructed the boys to do, Cody tripped over a rut he did not notice along the trail and stumbled.
"Sheriff Daniels popular weekend getaways for boys were always chocked full of fun events. This was Cody's first experience with them since he moved to Astatula." - I'm a little confused by this ... Sherif Daniels runs the weekend getaways and this is Cody's first experience. Later in the story you have Cody calling the Sheriff, Dad.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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emulated did is the past tense of something that happened in days gone by.
Unless you are familiar with these characters from several other stories I have written about them, including three books, you would not pick up on the fact Cody is Sheriff Daniels son. And, thus parental discipline is part of the parenting package.
That scene was written, as Cody's many fans and readers can attest to, simply to imply another portion of Cody's bad day, (incurring his dad's wrath), as they know Sheriff Daniels would never use a belt on Cody. A paddle yes, and he has (in my first book featuring these characters). But never a belt and they also know the reason the Sheriff would never use a belt on Cody.
Hope this clarifies some questions you seemed to have.
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Hi
I'm sorry I am unfamiliar with your books and characters. I understand the parental discipline included now ... and didn't think Sheriff Daniels was the abusive type. So credit to you for conveying so much of his character in such a short story.
Thank you so much for your patience and answering my queries. Yes, I do appreciate your reasoning now. You've written an excellent piece. I wish you luck in the contest. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment from light
Yes, it certainly was a bad day. Not enough to hurt his ankle and now a rattle snake. Sounds like a bad day to me. Nice writing
Elaine
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Yes, it certainly was a bad day. Not enough to hurt his ankle and now a rattle snake. Sounds like a bad day to me. Nice writing
Elaine
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little story.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
You've used a really nice tone in this story. Right from the get-go, I know I'm reading a nice family story. I notice you repeatedly have trouble with commas in dialogue when you use a name. Hey, I am the ultimately comma challenged kid on the block. Leaning all the rules is annoying, but I assure you, commas are always used to separate the name or title from the rest of the sentence UNLESS, the character is speaking ABOUT someone else.
Eg, 'Cody is a clumsy kid.' no comma.... 'Cody, you are one clumsy kid.' Comma needed.
Really liked the story, but I'm unsure of ending it so abruptly. I like the running out of the sentence, and I like the end. What's more to say? But maybe, here's a suggestion.
Though battle-scarred, father and son survived their first camping trip together.
I feel another sentence closes off the story better.
I'm okay (,) Dad
whole lot more than that(,) Dad
Yes(,) sir--some might tell you when used as a title, sir should be capitalized--really not sure.
final warning(,) little man.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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You've used a really nice tone in this story. Right from the get-go, I know I'm reading a nice family story. I notice you repeatedly have trouble with commas in dialogue when you use a name. Hey, I am the ultimately comma challenged kid on the block. Leaning all the rules is annoying, but I assure you, commas are always used to separate the name or title from the rest of the sentence UNLESS, the character is speaking ABOUT someone else.
Eg, 'Cody is a clumsy kid.' no comma.... 'Cody, you are one clumsy kid.' Comma needed.
Really liked the story, but I'm unsure of ending it so abruptly. I like the running out of the sentence, and I like the end. What's more to say? But maybe, here's a suggestion.
Though battle-scarred, father and son survived their first camping trip together.
I feel another sentence closes off the story better.
I'm okay (,) Dad
whole lot more than that(,) Dad
Yes(,) sir--some might tell you when used as a title, sir should be capitalized--really not sure.
final warning(,) little man.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little story.
Not sure I want to use your suggested sentence, because what if the snake bit Cody?
Do not believe that would always end in"father and son survived their first camping trip together".
I want Cody's many fans and readers to wonder a little bit.
Draw their own conclusions about what happened after Cody and the Sheriff came upon the snake.
(Because they all know Cody's demise would be so out of character for him).
