~ The Cross ~
Futility Personified.21 total reviews
Comment from SeductiveAngel
Wow....not something I would normally read, but in my opinion it was very well written. With respect, I found a few things I will point out for you below. They are only suggestions.
I allow my mind the luxury of wandering back to a few hours.... perhaps take out the word "to"
An hour ago I sent a coded birthday greetings....... perhaps take out the "s"
But why!....... Perhaps a ? instead
"What the!"...... perhaps a ? instead
Grabbing a bunch of keys; tries to open the emergency...... perhaps insert the word "he" and take out the ;
After a few fruitless seconds of trying to find the right key. With his breath still held, ,,,,,,,perhaps remove the . and insert the word "and"...or perhaps use a , instead as in my opinion I don't think this sentence makes much sense.
A tour the spacious interior and turn off all non essential equipment took minutes. ......Perhaps insert the word "of" and "to" A tour "of" the spacious interior "to" turn off
Despite my need for food. My devotions call and I spread out my special .... perhaps use a , instead of a .
"Dam it.".......spelling...Damn
The sudden movement startles several, of the top brass ......perhaps remove the ,
Stunned by the shock wave I lye there at a strange angle... spelling ...."lay"
Just my suit cam left." ....perhaps remove the "
the tension can be felt. .......Perhaps capital T
Get him SAP before his air runs out. You got that?" .......Should it be ASAP?
I hope this has helped.
Have a great day/night.
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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Wow....not something I would normally read, but in my opinion it was very well written. With respect, I found a few things I will point out for you below. They are only suggestions.
I allow my mind the luxury of wandering back to a few hours.... perhaps take out the word "to"
An hour ago I sent a coded birthday greetings....... perhaps take out the "s"
But why!....... Perhaps a ? instead
"What the!"...... perhaps a ? instead
Grabbing a bunch of keys; tries to open the emergency...... perhaps insert the word "he" and take out the ;
After a few fruitless seconds of trying to find the right key. With his breath still held, ,,,,,,,perhaps remove the . and insert the word "and"...or perhaps use a , instead as in my opinion I don't think this sentence makes much sense.
A tour the spacious interior and turn off all non essential equipment took minutes. ......Perhaps insert the word "of" and "to" A tour "of" the spacious interior "to" turn off
Despite my need for food. My devotions call and I spread out my special .... perhaps use a , instead of a .
"Dam it.".......spelling...Damn
The sudden movement startles several, of the top brass ......perhaps remove the ,
Stunned by the shock wave I lye there at a strange angle... spelling ...."lay"
Just my suit cam left." ....perhaps remove the "
the tension can be felt. .......Perhaps capital T
Get him SAP before his air runs out. You got that?" .......Should it be ASAP?
I hope this has helped.
Have a great day/night.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thank you Angel, for your kind and most helpful review. One or two of the corrections may be because I'm on the other side of the Atlantic, but I've seen to them all. I treasure these technical reviews and have a great appreciation for them. Have a fantastic weekend and good luck with the Seduction. Heh! Heh! ~Mel~
