Not-So-Perfect Crime
Non-Fiction Contest Entry28 total reviews
Comment from mvbrooks
Interesting story woven by the voice of a narrator who at first comes across as sincere--but then, one wonders if the narrator is "pulling one's leg." Great phrasing and examples of blatant common sense in phrases such as "By its very definition, the perfect crime is one that is never detected."
Enjoyable read with clever phrasing.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Interesting story woven by the voice of a narrator who at first comes across as sincere--but then, one wonders if the narrator is "pulling one's leg." Great phrasing and examples of blatant common sense in phrases such as "By its very definition, the perfect crime is one that is never detected."
Enjoyable read with clever phrasing.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you.
Maybe injecting a little humour, but the facts are as told, so no leg-pulling involved...
Steve
Comment from Bill O'Bier
A very wonderful entry..... Excellent use of words to create a story that drew me in, You did an great job with this piece. Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Bill
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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A very wonderful entry..... Excellent use of words to create a story that drew me in, You did an great job with this piece. Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Bill
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Bill. Glad you enjoyed this little piece from my memory's archives.
Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OM! What an excellent escapade and a perfectly funny piece you have written. The words used to describe brought tears of laughter. Excellent piece and even better ending.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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OM! What an excellent escapade and a perfectly funny piece you have written. The words used to describe brought tears of laughter. Excellent piece and even better ending.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Barb, thanks so much for your review. I'm glad you found the humour in my piece.
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
She was indeed a wonderful lady to think of comforting you instead of punishing you. You didn't plan your adventure very well or you would have found a team mate who would see about bringing you home for the Holiday. LOL All's well that ends well Steve. Good story. xx Nancy
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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She was indeed a wonderful lady to think of comforting you instead of punishing you. You didn't plan your adventure very well or you would have found a team mate who would see about bringing you home for the Holiday. LOL All's well that ends well Steve. Good story. xx Nancy
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Nancy. She was a lovely lady indeed.
Steve
Comment from Jay Squires
Gotta tell you, this is a good contender for the Non-Fiction award. You did an excellent job gathering in the readers' interest with an alluring dramatic question: can one really pull of the Perfect Crime? Then you went about in a very entertaining way showing the reader that despite your violation of your self-made rules, some good (and some good entertainment) can come out of it.
Just a few trivial things to point out:
The perfect theft is one which is never reported - [Always use two dashes, never one, for an Em dash. In the US you DO NOT space before and after the two dashes; in the UK you DO.]
the three prime requirements : [No space before the colon.]
earthbound caterpillar metamorphosing into that cavalier of the skies, the butterfly. [I love that "cavalier of the skies". Good job.]
a stunt that could land me in a world of trouble [Since you are in the past tense, you should write this, "... could HAVE LANDED me in a world of trouble.]
If this was fiction, I would embellish the yarn at this point with cricketing heroics, [LOL, which would have been lost on us Yanks.]
I thanked my lucky stars in equal measure, and I vowed never to forget the lessons I learned over that long holiday weekend. [Personally, I think you should thank your lucky stars you DID forget the lesson ... that there's always a good Samaritan who will bail you out, instead of ratting on you. The good thing that came out of it was that IN SPITE OF YOUR BURGEONING LIFE OF CRIME, YOU TURNED TOWARD THE LIFE OF THE WRITER (IF FICTION WRITER, THEN A LIFE OF CRIME , lol.)]
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Gotta tell you, this is a good contender for the Non-Fiction award. You did an excellent job gathering in the readers' interest with an alluring dramatic question: can one really pull of the Perfect Crime? Then you went about in a very entertaining way showing the reader that despite your violation of your self-made rules, some good (and some good entertainment) can come out of it.
Just a few trivial things to point out:
The perfect theft is one which is never reported - [Always use two dashes, never one, for an Em dash. In the US you DO NOT space before and after the two dashes; in the UK you DO.]
the three prime requirements : [No space before the colon.]
earthbound caterpillar metamorphosing into that cavalier of the skies, the butterfly. [I love that "cavalier of the skies". Good job.]
a stunt that could land me in a world of trouble [Since you are in the past tense, you should write this, "... could HAVE LANDED me in a world of trouble.]
If this was fiction, I would embellish the yarn at this point with cricketing heroics, [LOL, which would have been lost on us Yanks.]
I thanked my lucky stars in equal measure, and I vowed never to forget the lessons I learned over that long holiday weekend. [Personally, I think you should thank your lucky stars you DID forget the lesson ... that there's always a good Samaritan who will bail you out, instead of ratting on you. The good thing that came out of it was that IN SPITE OF YOUR BURGEONING LIFE OF CRIME, YOU TURNED TOWARD THE LIFE OF THE WRITER (IF FICTION WRITER, THEN A LIFE OF CRIME , lol.)]
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Jay, thanks a lot for the great review and the technical tips. I've never specifically learnt these things, so I just do it by guesswork!
I appreciate the time given to careful reading and the helpful suggestions. Thumb coming your way.
Steve
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Thanks steve for the compliment and for the Thumbs up.
Comment from MissMerri
What a delightful escapade! The story is well-told, captivating, and as vivid as if I were watching through binoculars. I love how it ended... not with the young boy portrayed as the hero, but rather a wise and kind mom coming to his rescue. She was the hero, and I loved that you gave her full credit. This is definitely well composed and totally readable. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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What a delightful escapade! The story is well-told, captivating, and as vivid as if I were watching through binoculars. I love how it ended... not with the young boy portrayed as the hero, but rather a wise and kind mom coming to his rescue. She was the hero, and I loved that you gave her full credit. This is definitely well composed and totally readable. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Adonna, thanks so much for the generous review and six-star rating. As you know, I don't venture into prose much, and I'm not expecting to win anything with this - I'm just glad I can still turn out a story that is readable and enjoyable.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
You are sneaky, Steve. I love this story. I made a few suggestions, but they are inconsequential. The plucky boy's plan is appropriately flawed. the result of the match is an afterthought.
the star of this story, as you acknowledge, is Bazza's Mum. She did her duty, understood your 'adventure' was one of perceived responsibility, not one of malice or rebellion or pure deceit. She did the right thing. And I'm willing to bet, you still feel a debt to her.
I love your designation of the butterfly as 'the cavalier of the skies'. Romantic and boyish all at once.
A comment or two as I read:
That would be locked too, of course, but what was a fairly open secret amongst the boys was that you could access it from the crawl space via a trapdoor in the floor, no doubt created by earlier generations of Carruthians to engineer a hidey-hole where they could carry out illicit activities such as smoking and poring over girly magazines. --Just thinking this is a long, convoluted sentence that might benefit from a subtle period somewhere.
With a bit of luck(,) I might find one of those magazines, which would take care of entertainment.
Best of luck, Steve.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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You are sneaky, Steve. I love this story. I made a few suggestions, but they are inconsequential. The plucky boy's plan is appropriately flawed. the result of the match is an afterthought.
the star of this story, as you acknowledge, is Bazza's Mum. She did her duty, understood your 'adventure' was one of perceived responsibility, not one of malice or rebellion or pure deceit. She did the right thing. And I'm willing to bet, you still feel a debt to her.
I love your designation of the butterfly as 'the cavalier of the skies'. Romantic and boyish all at once.
A comment or two as I read:
That would be locked too, of course, but what was a fairly open secret amongst the boys was that you could access it from the crawl space via a trapdoor in the floor, no doubt created by earlier generations of Carruthians to engineer a hidey-hole where they could carry out illicit activities such as smoking and poring over girly magazines. --Just thinking this is a long, convoluted sentence that might benefit from a subtle period somewhere.
With a bit of luck(,) I might find one of those magazines, which would take care of entertainment.
Best of luck, Steve.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Lee. I think I did look at that sentence, but forgot to go back and fix it. I'll certainly work on it.
It was good to revisit my shady past - there are great holes in my memory of that weekend, so I just plugged 'em with 'must have been like this.'
Steve
Comment from brenda bickers
Wow asateve,
I loved this story, I can read for hours the things you boys used to get up to.
What a kind lady.
This was so entertaining, I wish it were longer. Did your parents ever find out, did you tell them years later?
Great read.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Wow asateve,
I loved this story, I can read for hours the things you boys used to get up to.
What a kind lady.
This was so entertaining, I wish it were longer. Did your parents ever find out, did you tell them years later?
Great read.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thanks, brenda.
No, my parents have both passed away without ever knowing what a naughty boy I was!
Steve
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Boys will be boys, I raised four, I completely understand. Thank you for sharing your adventure in this contest. I can't imagine you not showing well, but I will wish you good luck, just in case.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Boys will be boys, I raised four, I completely understand. Thank you for sharing your adventure in this contest. I can't imagine you not showing well, but I will wish you good luck, just in case.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Barbara.
I suppose this was fairly innocent stuff in the scale of things, but looking back, I can see the potential for disaster if something had gone wrong.
Steve
Comment from barkingdog
You were certainly lucky that Bazza's mother was understanding. Not many if any others would have done what she did.
The sense of pride that you did, in a sense, get away with this caper is there in your words which only adds to this delightful true story.
I wouldn't change a word.
Good luck in the contest, steve.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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You were certainly lucky that Bazza's mother was understanding. Not many if any others would have done what she did.
The sense of pride that you did, in a sense, get away with this caper is there in your words which only adds to this delightful true story.
I wouldn't change a word.
Good luck in the contest, steve.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Ellen. Luck of the innocent, I suppose. My parents never did find out about my sneaky little plot.
Steve
