The Garden Door
An Awdl Gynt poem - see notes52 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Simply outstanding on multiple levels, my favorite of which, as you've probably guessed, is the delicious phonetics with poetic devices of alliteration, assonance, consonance and, most especially, well timed internal rhyming. I'm not going to list them all, because I know you know I noticed each one, and I'll let those six shiny stars sing the praises. I actually cannot spare time to review but wanted to read this because it's from YOU and I love your musical, richly nuanced works.
His garden door of Chinese red,
unhinged, not dead. For still
his ashes feed the flower bed -
his wish they ever will.
What a poignant opening, that sets the tone and tenor well.
Those secret paths now overgrown
with humble plants he loved, self-sown
by winds that lift a sacred moan
from trees atop his hill.
I love how this develops that tone and tenor and the
humble plants' and the 'sacred moan'--and all those phonetics, especially alliteration of H.
THESE ARE MY FAVORITE LINES--expressive, poetic, unique, and AHA and eloquent. especially: 'yin and yang contrived
to harmonise':
I shall not mourn this gentle man
whose yin and yang contrived
to harmonise when magpies sang.
* one spag:
When evensong arrived.(,)
he echoed their sweet song. His soul
Just loved this!
Kudos.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Simply outstanding on multiple levels, my favorite of which, as you've probably guessed, is the delicious phonetics with poetic devices of alliteration, assonance, consonance and, most especially, well timed internal rhyming. I'm not going to list them all, because I know you know I noticed each one, and I'll let those six shiny stars sing the praises. I actually cannot spare time to review but wanted to read this because it's from YOU and I love your musical, richly nuanced works.
His garden door of Chinese red,
unhinged, not dead. For still
his ashes feed the flower bed -
his wish they ever will.
What a poignant opening, that sets the tone and tenor well.
Those secret paths now overgrown
with humble plants he loved, self-sown
by winds that lift a sacred moan
from trees atop his hill.
I love how this develops that tone and tenor and the
humble plants' and the 'sacred moan'--and all those phonetics, especially alliteration of H.
THESE ARE MY FAVORITE LINES--expressive, poetic, unique, and AHA and eloquent. especially: 'yin and yang contrived
to harmonise':
I shall not mourn this gentle man
whose yin and yang contrived
to harmonise when magpies sang.
* one spag:
When evensong arrived.(,)
he echoed their sweet song. His soul
Just loved this!
Kudos.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, RD, for this lovely review and for the six stars. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft the poem quite a bit this morning to meet contest requirements. I think that in some ways it is stronger for the changes. All the best, Tony
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Oh wow--sorry I missed that. I did not count rhymes, etc. as I assumed you'd followed the form. Man and sang just barely slips by as a slant rhyme to my ear, but it's close enough not to warrant changing it. It's definitely still worth a six! :)
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PS--I normally do not assume that...but because it's YOU, I did :-)))
Comment from country ranch writer
a poem very well constructed in this poem it shows his hard work and devotion and his ashes will replenish the earth over time to grow more beautiful
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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a poem very well constructed in this poem it shows his hard work and devotion and his ashes will replenish the earth over time to grow more beautiful
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Very many thanks for your kind review and synopsis, CRW. Appreciated, as always. Best wishes, Tony
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s m I l e s
Comment from Bollie
You did a wonderful job with this poem. It definitely holds the readers attention throughout. It has a really nice flow with some really good rhyming. This is a really good poem for the contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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You did a wonderful job with this poem. It definitely holds the readers attention throughout. It has a really nice flow with some really good rhyming. This is a really good poem for the contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Very many thanks for stopping by to read and review my poem, Bollie. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony.
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You're welcome Tony
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You're welcome Tony
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You're welcome Tony
Comment from Domino 2
I'd like to write of these, Tony, but I haven't the patience to get it right - as obviously you have in bundles.
Flows like milk, though I did stumble slightly on the sentences stopped/started mid-line, though you do retain the meter.
You certainly make this man sound extra-special, along with his garden and lingering presence, that effected you so greatly for the good.
A treat to read, my friend.
Cheers, Ray.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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I'd like to write of these, Tony, but I haven't the patience to get it right - as obviously you have in bundles.
Flows like milk, though I did stumble slightly on the sentences stopped/started mid-line, though you do retain the meter.
You certainly make this man sound extra-special, along with his garden and lingering presence, that effected you so greatly for the good.
A treat to read, my friend.
Cheers, Ray.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Ray. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft this poem quite a bit this morning to meet contest requiremens. All the best, Tony
Comment from Joan E.
Wow--what a haunting picture--its eyes pieced me as I scrolled down the screen. I am impressed that you took on the challenge of creating a poem in this intricate form. I admired your rhymes and original use of "fount" and "honey-hived". Cheers and best wishes in the Awdl Gynt contest- Joan
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Wow--what a haunting picture--its eyes pieced me as I scrolled down the screen. I am impressed that you took on the challenge of creating a poem in this intricate form. I admired your rhymes and original use of "fount" and "honey-hived". Cheers and best wishes in the Awdl Gynt contest- Joan
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Joan. Glad you enjoyed my poem. You are right about it being intricate. Even more so in this case as Pantygynt pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft it quite a bit this morning to meet contest requiremens. All the best, Tony
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I have never created a piece in the form, and I am glad you were able to solve the cross-rhyme problem so well. Again, good luck in the competition- Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem with a very complicated style on which I cannot judge.
An excellent photo that reminds of the Chinese yin and yang.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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A very well-written poem with a very complicated style on which I cannot judge.
An excellent photo that reminds of the Chinese yin and yang.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Sandra. As you say, a complex form, and quite a challenge,
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This mixed meter poem is musical. It is a very enjoyable read with the story it tells of a humble gardener who loved his Garden enough to have his ashes spread there.. The picture is awesome and enhances the spirit of the poem. Very Oriental looking. Well done Tony. Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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This mixed meter poem is musical. It is a very enjoyable read with the story it tells of a humble gardener who loved his Garden enough to have his ashes spread there.. The picture is awesome and enhances the spirit of the poem. Very Oriental looking. Well done Tony. Nancy
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Nancy. Pantygynt pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft this poem quite a bit this morning to meet contest requiremens. All the best, Tony
Comment from RoostyNester
I'm not at all familiar with this type of poem, but I did enjoy reading it. The words, art and rhyme of verse are very well done. The soul never dies. Nice poem.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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I'm not at all familiar with this type of poem, but I did enjoy reading it. The words, art and rhyme of verse are very well done. The soul never dies. Nice poem.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks for your kind review and comments, RoostyNester. Appreciated!
Comment from LIJ Red
Satan! With bristly horns and two gleaming eyes! He's the one who contrived such a detailed poetic form, I know it. Readers always astound me in the ways they interpret and react. Excellent image-filled poem...
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Satan! With bristly horns and two gleaming eyes! He's the one who contrived such a detailed poetic form, I know it. Readers always astound me in the ways they interpret and react. Excellent image-filled poem...
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Red. As you suggest, an interesting image selected by the contest organiser. I appreciate your kind comment about the poem. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I just read Pantygynt's poem! This is great, too. I'm no expert on poetry, but I really like the way this sounds when read aloud. It's the internal rhymes, I think, that make it so 'catchy'.
The message in this borders on haunting. I love the 'door of Chinese red' and the sense of desolation in this once loved garden.
Beautiful! Deserves more than a five, but I've chucked 'em all out already!
Av
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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I just read Pantygynt's poem! This is great, too. I'm no expert on poetry, but I really like the way this sounds when read aloud. It's the internal rhymes, I think, that make it so 'catchy'.
The message in this borders on haunting. I love the 'door of Chinese red' and the sense of desolation in this once loved garden.
Beautiful! Deserves more than a five, but I've chucked 'em all out already!
Av
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Av. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft this poem quite a bit this morning to meet contest requirements. I very much appreciated your kind comments. All the best, Tony
