Home and Family Treasures
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Returning Home"Poems about my family members and memories of home
30 total reviews
Comment from WalkerMan
Yes, leaving a small, unchanging town to explore the wider world does make a difference hard to reconcile with views held before such a journey. It is hard to go back, too, if the town itself has significantly evolved, for then it feels unfamiliar. The truth is, you cannot really ever go back; and you expressed that well.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2016
  |
Yes, leaving a small, unchanging town to explore the wider world does make a difference hard to reconcile with views held before such a journey. It is hard to go back, too, if the town itself has significantly evolved, for then it feels unfamiliar. The truth is, you cannot really ever go back; and you expressed that well.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2016
-
Thank you for your review of my work and for the insightful comments. Life changes us, I guess, no matter where we happen to reside.
Cynthia1
-
You are welcome. Yes life does change everything eventually. For a work opportunity, I moved a thousand miles away from where I had lived for decades. It didn't work out as well as I had hoped, and it took me over eleven years to be able to get back there to see my daughters and grandchildren. While there, I needed to go to the town where I had last lived; but things had changed so much there I got lost trying to locate
the once-familiar place I was seeking. It took me an hour to find it. Now I can't go back there to live, as the rents have climbed beyond my reach even for places smaller than the one I last had. -- Mike
Comment from I am Cat
Hello Cynthia,
I understand this theme very well, though I would not return to my 'hometown', feeling it is not mine, and I do not belong there, but I understand that... going home, feeling. I do have places I've lived, which call to me. Ones I thought I wished to live, but it seems there's no place like home...
I moved about so much, I'm not real sure where that is, though. lol
I found your poem well written with some great imagery and understanding, I did have a couple of places I think you might want to look at again?
I have returned with [open] eyes. Inclusive, open, unafraid
I 've glimpsed a wider, deeper world
I view life
differently
(suggestion: change the first 'open' with 'knowing', so as not to repeat it twice, and to give a deeper meaning to it as well.)
I have returned with knowing eyes. Inclusive, open, unafraid
I[ ]'ve glimpsed a wider, deeper world
I view life
differently
(take out the space in I've)
I find it hard to reconcile [the world I] knew
with what is now.
For,
I am
not
the same.
(suggestion: take out 'the world' and change to:
I find it hard to reconcile (what I once) knew
with what is now(;)
(f)or,
I am
not
the same.
Just a few small nits, I hope you don't mind, I think it's a wonderful poem, certainly worthy of another look, and great theme, one that any adult who has passed the age of 45 can understand.
Well done,
I enjoyed it.
Cat
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
|
Hello Cynthia,
I understand this theme very well, though I would not return to my 'hometown', feeling it is not mine, and I do not belong there, but I understand that... going home, feeling. I do have places I've lived, which call to me. Ones I thought I wished to live, but it seems there's no place like home...
I moved about so much, I'm not real sure where that is, though. lol
I found your poem well written with some great imagery and understanding, I did have a couple of places I think you might want to look at again?
I have returned with [open] eyes. Inclusive, open, unafraid
I 've glimpsed a wider, deeper world
I view life
differently
(suggestion: change the first 'open' with 'knowing', so as not to repeat it twice, and to give a deeper meaning to it as well.)
I have returned with knowing eyes. Inclusive, open, unafraid
I[ ]'ve glimpsed a wider, deeper world
I view life
differently
(take out the space in I've)
I find it hard to reconcile [the world I] knew
with what is now.
For,
I am
not
the same.
(suggestion: take out 'the world' and change to:
I find it hard to reconcile (what I once) knew
with what is now(;)
(f)or,
I am
not
the same.
Just a few small nits, I hope you don't mind, I think it's a wonderful poem, certainly worthy of another look, and great theme, one that any adult who has passed the age of 45 can understand.
Well done,
I enjoyed it.
Cat
Comment Written 16-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
-
Thank you so much for your wonderful suggestions. I intend to edit right away! You have been very helpful. I'm glad you identified with my poem. Returning has been quite difficult for me; however, being near family makes it all worthwhile.
Thanks!
Comment from RoostyNester
Time affects us all in one way or another. And experiences give us new insights into ourselves. Your poem says what we have all experienced in our lives. Once we get to the things we wanted, we are no longer interested in that...we want something else. Maybe it's age. I liked the style of your poem. Very nice.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
|
Time affects us all in one way or another. And experiences give us new insights into ourselves. Your poem says what we have all experienced in our lives. Once we get to the things we wanted, we are no longer interested in that...we want something else. Maybe it's age. I liked the style of your poem. Very nice.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
-
Thank you so much for reviewing my work. I am glad that you could identify with what I was trying to say. I appreciate the good review.
Comment from cterp
I strongly identify with this poem, and I knew I had held onto my last six stars for a reason--your poem is it. This sums up what I have been feeling about visiting my mother who has recently returned to the town where I grew up to a retirement community (she's 91). Every time I visit her, I am shocked at the changes, but transported back by the sounds of the insects and the angle of the sun at sunset. Thank you for taking me back for another visit.
chris
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
 |
I strongly identify with this poem, and I knew I had held onto my last six stars for a reason--your poem is it. This sums up what I have been feeling about visiting my mother who has recently returned to the town where I grew up to a retirement community (she's 91). Every time I visit her, I am shocked at the changes, but transported back by the sounds of the insects and the angle of the sun at sunset. Thank you for taking me back for another visit.
chris
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
-
Your comments on my poem are so appreciated! I of course am pleased that you chose to give me your last six stars! What a joy!
Thank you so much for your review.
Cynthia1
Comment from fafa
The return sometimes is not anything very simple but you express with many grace this singular poem, where you giveyour sense to this comeback,congratulations
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
|
The return sometimes is not anything very simple but you express with many grace this singular poem, where you giveyour sense to this comeback,congratulations
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
-
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate the fine rating as well as your kind words.
Cynthia1
Comment from nancyjam
I guess that's why they say you can't go home again.
You convey the beauty and tranquility of the home
of your youth but the disappointment of realizing you
no longer belong there.
nancy
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
|
I guess that's why they say you can't go home again.
You convey the beauty and tranquility of the home
of your youth but the disappointment of realizing you
no longer belong there.
nancy
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
-
Your comments capture the meaning of my poem beautifully. Thank you so much for the fine rating and the positive words.
Cynthia1
Comment from heyjude
Cynthia, yes, we do change at times. Going home seems different after we're adults. Maybe you do question what you once believed in.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
|
Cynthia, yes, we do change at times. Going home seems different after we're adults. Maybe you do question what you once believed in.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2016
-
Thank you so much for your earlier review. I have edited the poem a bit since it was first submitted. I notice that you are following my work. You might want to take another look and see if you think the changes helped. I do appreciate your interest since I am very new with Fan Story. This is my 3rd submission. I have been so busy over the years that I have not taken time to really write the poetry that I feel in my heart. I hope to continue this journey. Thank you again.
-
I will help review best as I can. I'm not the best reviewer. Mostly I notice spelling or syllable count if it's supposed to be specific, but I will try to help and encourage. Judy
-
Thank you, Judy.
Comment from light
I am not a poet, but I did enjoy reading this. Who said "You can't go home again". I am certain this is a special kind of poetry, but for me I just liked it.
Elaine
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
|
I am not a poet, but I did enjoy reading this. Who said "You can't go home again". I am certain this is a special kind of poetry, but for me I just liked it.
Elaine
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
-
Thank you! I appreciate the fine rating.
Cynthia1
Comment from CaaronD
Very interesting subject matter. I can relate to going home and feeling the exact same way. Certainly admire your choice to write about this very real phenomenon I have experienced. I like where this is heading.
There is a great deal of repetition in this piece that didn't further develop the central themes (in my view), however. For instance, we have 'nestled', 'blankets' and 'covers' in the first stanza (which all support the same idea of a quiet village, which we already know because of the first line).
Perhaps you could focus on offering further examples of how the village is in despair instead of this repetition? How the narrator picks-up on the once invisible agony of these village-folk, for example, could be a great subject to explore. Also, what was the purpose of bolding those words at the ends of the stanzas? I tried to consider why they were there, but your previous lines already painted the picture of what those words mean...why repeat them?
Ending with a nice contrast to the start, suggesting the narrator is no longer a member of this stuck group, seems like a good idea. I want more details! I think a poem is at its best when it isn't didactic.
'Show, don't tell' would be the advise I would share with you (it has helped me the most on this writing journey).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
 |
Very interesting subject matter. I can relate to going home and feeling the exact same way. Certainly admire your choice to write about this very real phenomenon I have experienced. I like where this is heading.
There is a great deal of repetition in this piece that didn't further develop the central themes (in my view), however. For instance, we have 'nestled', 'blankets' and 'covers' in the first stanza (which all support the same idea of a quiet village, which we already know because of the first line).
Perhaps you could focus on offering further examples of how the village is in despair instead of this repetition? How the narrator picks-up on the once invisible agony of these village-folk, for example, could be a great subject to explore. Also, what was the purpose of bolding those words at the ends of the stanzas? I tried to consider why they were there, but your previous lines already painted the picture of what those words mean...why repeat them?
Ending with a nice contrast to the start, suggesting the narrator is no longer a member of this stuck group, seems like a good idea. I want more details! I think a poem is at its best when it isn't didactic.
'Show, don't tell' would be the advise I would share with you (it has helped me the most on this writing journey).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
-
Thank you. I appreciate your careful review. I will give much consideration to your suggestions.
Cynthia1
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. We grow and chanfe as time goes on. We go back to places we used to enjoy years ago, although it is the same place it has a different feeling.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
|
A very well-written poem. We grow and chanfe as time goes on. We go back to places we used to enjoy years ago, although it is the same place it has a different feeling.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
-
Thank you. I still want to work on this poem. I have some things that I want to change. I do appreciate your fine rating.
Cynthia1
